Final First Day of School

Today was my last first day of school.  It's senior year and it's go time.  None of these days will ever be repeated.  I know in the grand scheme of things, it's not a lot.  But it means something to me.  None of my family ever went to college.  None.  I will be the first to even enter university, say nothing about graduating... My family's lives all stopped after high school.  It's just been one dead end job after another for them all since they've graduated.  I'm soon to enter my family's uncharted territories.  SCARY!!

This year, I'm doing everything that I possibly can to make myself stand out from my peers in the eyes of university admissions.  I need the financial aid, I need the good school.  More than that, I WANT it.  I've enrolled in the most rigorous classes I can get into.  I'm taking on leadership roles in my class, NHS, and in foreign language club.  I'm the school's student embassador to the Health and Wellness Committee.  I am one of six students representing my school in the local New Visions Class.  And I hold a job, which is more than I can say for some of my fellow classmates.  I'm working my tail off.  I hope it all pays off in the end.

So far this year, there's only one big thing that scares me.  It's not the responsibility, the uncharted territories, or even the abandoned childhood that scares me.  It's my New Visions class.  New Visions is a class for gifted students during their senior year of high school to recieve specialized medical training, rotate in the medical community, and, with any luck, be on the fast track to a medical career.  My personal goal?  NO, I don't want to be a doctor. NO, I don't want to be a nurse.  I want to research infectious diseases, particularly STI's (STD's), specifically HIV/AIDS.  I want to find cures or vaccinations and educate others about them.  Is there a name for that?

The classes are usually small, close-knit, and an amazing learning experience.  Generally, the maximun class size is 19.  This year, however, due to budding interest in the program, the class size is a staggering 27!  Every person has a different background, different lifestyle choice, different personality, different convictions, vices, and points-of-view.  While I embrace these differences and cherish them, I'm afraid they won't be so hospitable to myself.  These are a lot of rich, urban kids who drive their own cars, live with both parents, and have the money to get themselves through medical school.  Atleast, that's what they'd like us to think.  I'm the gay poor kid, living in the ghetto, without a car, trying to make it to school and back everyday.  I'm the underdog.  Will they judge me and treat me differently because of this?  Part of me wants to jump right back in the closet and hide my differences from them, for fear they won't be accepting.  The other realizes the need to remain true to my ideals and stay strong regarding my personal convictions.

The fear is almost overwhelming, and I only hope that they will appreciate myself and my differences, just as I appreciate theirs.  Only time will tell, but I hope not a long period of time must pass before I'm sure. 

This year's going to be busy.  I'm almost looking forward to it.

I hope everyone else had a great day.  And I hope that every kid out there starting their senior year realizes that this isn't slack off time.  Go, be the best you can be now, so that you may be even better later.

Ma vie est ca que je la fair.