Author's Note: Here is draft 1.5 of this. I like to call it 1.5 because it's not really a second draft (I technically haven't finished the first draft yet), but I'm trying to edit pieces, especially the opening since it's so important.
Also, this is my first manuscript that I really hope to publish and I know that I really need to polish my writing style. It's still not there yet, so I appreciate all comments and tips to improve!
So, without further ado, it's sort of long, but I will be happy to return any critique (give me the link to the requested piece) or I will simply return comments (for every comment here I'll probably comment on several different posts of yours).
--------------------------------
Part One
“With the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere.”
- Peter Robert Fleming
Chapter 1
Flames leapt into the night, tearing through the darkness and reflecting in the dozen sets of eyes sitting in a circle around it. At the center of this circle stood the village elder, clinging to a staff to support his weary bones.
“Through the ages, Les Anciens have told of a special school that was built in the clouds. Only the chosen leaders of every new generation were allowed entrance to this place. To ensure the outside world left them alone, the founders decided the school would never remain in the same place but that it would constantly move.”
***
Moving in and out of the shadows, the smell of human flesh drove them on. Soft, frail humans. Easy to catch and easy to eat. Mouthwatering, juicy morsels to quench the roar of hunger in their bellies that had raged for days.
Paws padded the ground, the soil absorbing every noise and intention. The dim flicker of campfire was mirrored in their glassy eyes, directing their movements with precision.
***
“But Ancien, why would a school need all that protection?” one of the boys interrupted loudly. “After all, it’s just a school.”
“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong, Djib. This was not just any school.” The elder shifted his balance and slowly sat down on a log with a loud grunt. “The students of this school were special. Very special indeed because they were shifters.”
“What are shifters?” a little girl asked, leaning forward on the very edge of her seat.
“Shifters, ma petite, are creatures that are half human and half animal in spirit. They masquerade as humans for the majority of their lives. Most people don’t have a clue that they’re different. But inside—deep down in their soul—they carry this secret with them and it’s there, in the depths of their hearts, that the beasts lurk in the darkness.”
***
The darkness fell back to light as the campfire emerged in plain sight. Such blinding, splendid beauty. Such blinding, splendid pain. Feline eyes blinked back the sudden light and withdrew further into the black refuge of the forest.
It was the heart of the animal itself that hesitated. Some mechanic device woven deep into their genes that forced them to pause in the face of fire. Their ancestors had done it, their cousins, their siblings. Their descendents would do it one day, too. All they had to do was overcome animal instinct—and hunger was more than enough to drive them to do it.
***
“So do you mean they’re some kind of freaks?” another boy sneered.
“No, of course not. They’re just as normal as you—but better adapted. When they find themselves in need, they can awake the beast within them and take the form of the animal in their spirit. Imagine being able to change yourself into one creature—not of your choosing, of course, but still a full-fledged animal.”
“Don’t you think we’re a little too old for fairy tales?” one of the teenagers asked. There was a group of them, keeping their distance from the rest as if they were too cool to join. Only one of them seemed completely engrossed with the tale: a young woman by the name of Zara who sat just to the right of the teen who had made the outburst.
Zara kept her eyes focused on the flames for the entire story. There was something in them she found oddly enticing, yet repulsive at the same time. It was like wanting the light, but hating it for what it did to the darkness.
Ancien was known to have many stories—some true, some false—but she knew deep down in her soul, in the depth of her heart, that what he was saying was real.
“Of course you are,” the elder admitted with a sigh, staring at the fire intently. “But that’s why I don’t tell you fairy tales anymore.”
An explosion erupted from the underbrush on the farthest edge of the circle of listeners, followed by a scream that incited the others to move. Beige blurs launched into the crowd and a few others took up the cacophony until the village was in chaos and even neighboring tribes would have heard of their misfortune.
It took a few seconds for the shock to register with most of the tribe and even then only basic instincts took hold. It was fight or flight, and it didn’t seem like fight was really an option. The more screams that filled the air, the more the uninjured feared for their lives. Mothers rushed to save their children from being trampled as people fled. The real problem was that no one ran in any one direction, but in twenty different ones at the same time.
Zara leapt to her feet, but didn’t run like the others. The lions would take advantage of the confusion; it would only make their feeding that much easier with everyone whipped into a frenzy and no one united against them. There had to be probably four of them in all. Zara couldn’t tell if any had manes or not since everyone was moving around so much, but she could sense full well that their actions were driven by desperation and they would not stop until they had more than their fill.
From the corner of her eye, Zara caught a flicker of movement, silhouetted by firelight. Ancien had cast aside his staff, letting it fall carelessly to the dirt. And he was changing. The solid lines that made up his body were oddly wispy, like the outline of a ghost. Then they fell away altogether, collapsing in a lump on the ground and out of that rose the statue of a four-legged beast—a leopard.
Zara watched as he seized the closest lion in his jaws and tumbled to the earth with him. Dust flew in all directions, highlighting the shock and terror on the faces of those who had witnessed the transformation. Their ignorance made Zara smile with glee. But one leopard was certainly no match for four lions, let alone four lions on the brink of starvation. And judging by the reaction from the crowd, they were alone in a sea of disbelievers.
Zara carefully weighed the options. The transformation was anything but easy and it always gave her shudders thinking of the needles that tore through every fiber of her body. It wasn’t something so took lightly, but ultimately the beast inside her was getting excited form the smell of blood that mingled with the hot night air. Almost before she knew what she was doing, her form was twisting, shifting to become the black panther she knew lurked just beneath the surface.
***
Every part of Zara screamed with the shift. Her muscles tugged and shrank, inciting a new form of torture with each change. Her human bones broke with muted noise and then grafted together to create the feline body structure. There certainly were perks with shifting, but this wasn’t one of them.
Once the beast took over, Zara was barely aware of what she was doing. She had never been a particularly good fighter, so she let the panther’s instincts take over and pushed aside her own. The panther lived to fight.
Immediately she felt the overwhelming anger of the threat. The people around her disappeared in a haze of distraction. The only thing that mattered was the overwhelming scent of unfamiliar cats encroaching on her territory. That was all it took to inspire the panther to attack.
The panther’s instincts were keen and ruthless. There was no holding back and Zara got caught up in the whirlwind of emotion. The smell of blood—whether it was hers or the lions’ was irrelevant—spurred her movements. The more she could smell it mixing with the pure desperation of the moment, the more euphoria the panther felt and the harder it fought. Everything was a distortion of pain, pleasure, and musty lion fur as she bit into soft flesh.
When the fight was over, the cat retreated back inside as Zara resumed her own form. The pain lingered for several minutes and she stood as still as she could, willing it away sooner. The crowd had calmed considerably now that the threat had fled. One of the lions lay dead just before the tree line. It was a large male, quite strong judging by its looks, but Zara couldn’t remember who had bested it, her or Ancien.
Her spine began to tingle slightly and when Zara raised her gaze she wasn’t the least bit surprised to find Ancien staring at her intently. She shivered, imagining that he was reading her thoughts even, but quickly let the thought dissipate.
“Jahzara,” he whispered, bending over slowly to retrieve his staff. He moved like an old man now, but the leopard had been as graceful as ever. It was like age never touched it at all. “I knew that someone in the tribe—but you—I never would’ve thought.”
“Yeah, well. I try not to brag about it.” Zara shrugged and looked away. It was rather uncomfortable talking like this, with the entire village circled around them looking like they were circus show freaks. Ancien had just finished saying that shifters were normal. So much for that. At that moment she felt anything but normal.
“Do you know what this means?” Zara made no motion to answer so he continued, “I have a successor. There’s finally someone to take care of the tribe after me.”
“You mean…like…being une Ancienne? But I thought all les Anciens were males.”
“Well, they all have been males, but that’s because there haven’t been any female shifters. Not until you anyway.”
Zara narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms as she asked, “And what if I don’t want to be une Ancienne? What if I just want to be a normal kid like everyone else? I wasn’t born to be a leader.”
“Of course you were. That’s why you’re a shifter. All shifters become leaders.”
“Yeah, or vagabonds or destitute. Like that lousy excuse of a shifter.” Zara nodded towards the dead lion that the tribe had finally begun to drag into town to skin and process. She had known from the start that the trio were all shifters. No other lion, regardless of how hungry, would have dared to wander close enough to the fire to attack someone. If they had, they certainly wouldn’t have attacked a group of humans. Lions aren’t that stupid. Shifters are. “Besides, how do you know I don’t want to be either of those?”
“Yes, like him. It’s a shame that any shifter has to resort to using their animal forms to survive on a daily basis. But that was his fault. He could’ve been a leader like the others and he chose otherwise. That will be you one day if you don’t become an elder.”
“And if I do take over for you then I have to risk my own life to protect this lousy group of ingrates that would rather run you out of town for being a freak than think for a second that you might actually have some merit to the tribe. I’m sorry, but I’d really rather be a vagabond. A poor vagabond even.” Zara glanced one more time at the carcass of the lion and added, “Or a dead vagabond.”
Ancien nodded his head slightly and slowly conceded, “You’re young still, Jahzara. When you get to be a bit older, being a leader might not seem like such a burden. But you don’t have to decide right now,” he added before Zara could get out another objection. “If, when you get back, you haven’t changed your mind then I’ll respect your wishes to not take my place.”
“When I—get back? Am I going somewhere?” Zara asked, glancing around suspiciously. This was certainly news to her. The tribe had become mobile once more, steering clear of them, thankfully, but not making a large scene, either. Nothing came as much of a surprise in Africa anymore.
“You’re going to school, of course! Don’t you listen to anything I say? Honestly, Jahzara, you could do with learning to pay a bit more attention. I just finished telling you all about a school for shifters.”
“Wait…you mean…that school actually exists? I thought you were just making things up.”
“No, no. Of course not. I hope you don’t have any problems with attending school?”
“For how many years?”
“Four years. It’s like a high school for shifters.”
Zara found that comparison somewhat amusing considering they both knew she had never attended conventional school, nor had anyone else in the tribe. It was against their culture to be educated by anyone except for the tribal elders, not to mention that they had as little to do with outsiders as possible.
“So that’s four years of not living here?”
“Indeed.”
“D’accord. I’ll go get my things. No sense in hanging around when I’ve got things to learn, you know.” It wasn’t like tribe life was bad, but she wasn’t a fool either. After everyone knew what they were it would be nearly impossible for her to go back to the normal teenage life she had. She wasn’t a human anymore, or at least not to them. This school would have people that were like her, and she was even willing to forgive them for being shifters.
Zara turned to go, but paused before she got very far and looked back to ask, “Exactly how are we going to find this school if it’s always moving?”
Ancien smiled as he carefully shifted his staff to his other hand. “Ah, so you were listening. Good. It won’t be as hard to find as you might expect. How do you think it flies? Not by magic, if that’s what you were imagining. It has an engine, just like all other flying vehicles. And, as machines do, it needs to land every once in a while to gas up. They’ve got good reserves there and a rather large oil supply. They only have to land about once a week. I can get in touch with some people and find out their next fuel stop, though. I’ll see if they can make it nearby. Just worry about getting your things and not leaving anything behind. I’ll take care of getting us there.”
Zara nodded and headed towards the orphanage. She’d gone from a nobody to a freak in mere minutes. But this school—this was her chance to go back to being a nobody. It was so much easier that way, so much simpler to avoid trouble. Trouble was the last thing she was looking for, but somehow it always managed to hunt her down. No doubt, trouble was the greatest stalker Zara had ever had.
rate
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 67
but I do love this.....
so far so good......
in my opinion that is......
It also helps if things, such as names, are withheld until they are spoken. And we don't get to know anything much about Zara here, except that she's a shifter. This is a big decision for her, and she should consider it with herself, argue it out. Unless making quick choices without care of the consequences is something that's part of her.
Just some helpful suggestions. Feel free to accept or discard my advice as you see fit. Cheers.
I have indeed noticed that it relies heavily in dialogue and such, but I wasn't exactly sure how to "show" any of the things they're talking about.
Funny, you're giving the opposite advice as someone else gave earlier. xD On the original write-up I withheld her name, but someone mentioned that it should be slipped in up-front. Guess there are plenty of differing viewpoints on that? I do know that I need to at least smooth out the introduction of her name, at the very least.
Thanks very much for the critique!
Great opening chapter; fast paced, exciting and we are thrown immediately into the world of shifters.
I found the first bit somewhat confusing. You might think about whose Point Of View (POV) this chapter is presented from. You do a good job of using '****' to separate the attacker's POV, but we don't have another place to view this scene from for several paragraphs when you introduce Zara. I think I'd start with her framing the scene for the reader.
I agree with Franklin, you might want to let us know more about Zara's decision making and show us the type of person she is. Why, for instance, was it unexpected that she is a Shifter? Is it only because she's a girl? I don't remember a description of her or even an age. Readers want to connect with characters. That's the hook to pull your reader in. Let us know more about Zara.
Overall I like your writing and would definitely read on to the next chapter.
Yes, now that you mention it, I could add Zara's voice throughout the entire thing. It would definitely ground the reader a little bit better.
I've really been told not to give too much physical description when starting off. But she's a teenager. It mentions her in a group of teenagers and going to a sort of high school. I didn't think an exact age was quite appropriate.
Hmm...I'll have to think about how to explain shifters briefly here. I might add it in to Ancien's story. They're very rare...doesn't have to do with gender, they just only occur on occasion. But that's explained later. I'll try to throw something in here that mentions it, though. :)
Thanks a ton!
I wouldn't worry about explaining the concept of a Shifter any more than you have done. You've given the basics and that's enough for the moment.
My questions was directed at how better to introduce the reader to Zara.
Also, I wouldn't worry much about generalities that someone might have told you; giving the name up front or physical description. I'd stay focused on your task of getting the reader straight way into an interesting story.
I think readers read bond to interesting characters. Not having a name or mental image of your character can be a barrier.
...And as with all opinions, take what you find useful.
Cheers,
Frank
I tend to agree with Frank and I enjoyed the dialogue, which, by the way, is usually very difficult for people to write. Zara's voice, yes, added would be a bit better, as you have to decide (and stick to) what POV you're telling this from.
One grammatical piece of advice (don't know if you're asking for this, if not - ignore), when you're using the word *and*, you don't need a comma before it as it's a connector - it connects two parts of a sentence, therefore, a comma is not needed.
I have a question for you - are you planning on self-publishing? There has recently been a lot of debate on Gather that if you're publishing this here or anywhere on the 'net, an agent will be hard, if not impossible to find.
We've also (on Gather) had a couple deleted accounts due to the person (alters) stealing others work and publishing it as their own. Be careful, that person, I've heard has another account on here, so you might want to place this and any other part of your manuscript in a private group, where only those you invite can read it. Just something to think about.
Marilyn - I did and am enjoying this :)
Yes, I know the risks of posting it. That's why I'm only posting one chapter. My writing style is my writing style and any advice given here will help me to solidify the rest. If it gets me into trouble, well, I'll change the opening. -shrug- I don't plan on posting more than that.
Technically correct, but Poe and L'Amour and other greats use commas and dashes before and frequently. In some cases it works better. Here are some examples:
She took aim and fired and all hell broke loose.
She took aim and fired, and all hell broke loose.
She took aim and fired--and all hell broke loose.
She took aim and fired...and all hell broke loose.
Each version adds more or less emphasis to the result: "all hell broke loose."--and...provides varying degrees of separation.
Writers do what is technically correct always. Artists break the rules and create their own rules at least part of the time--and..........they get away with it!
I will absolutely purchase this book. When will it be complete Sammie?
I believe this profound world only because TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION.
I don't know when it'll be finished or even if I could ever get it published. I like the storyline, but I'm still worried about my writing and trying to come to terms with that.
Hmm...so maybe I should consider changing the lions to something a little smaller, like jackals or something? I'd have to research African animals a little more and see. :)
Still working on the where and when. I've made it clear now that it's in Africa at this point. I think I'll just leave the when until the end. Hmm.
And hardly ever eaten by lions. Lions like the wildebeests and zebra--they run when they see a lion. Lions prefer easy marks which is why they will often target a calf rather than an adult.
Since the above story is "fiction," some liberties can be taken. However, if a lot of readers are anal retentive as to every detail (one has to wonder why they read fiction if they prefer facts), an easy fix would be to reverse the roles. The invaders could be leopards, and Zara and Ancien could be lions. But the story is a magical one, so anything is possible. If I can suspend belief regarding humans morphing into animals, then believing that panthers can defeat lions is not a stretch. I sincerely hope the context of the story is a magical one. If I want realism, I'll watch Animal Planet. In fiction, witches fly on brooms and no one complains how they are unrealistically defying gravity. Have I made my point yet? Yes, I think I have. :-)
As to you making your point, you obviously overlooked the very last sentence of my original comment: But that they're shape-shifters could explain that away.
Your point is my point. Good, but then you apparently changed your position:
Gary, if you watch Animal Planet or similar nature programs on TV you will see that the lesser cats make themselves scarce when lions are about - and for very good reason. A single smaller cat - even a mother - hasn't a chance against a pride of lions. But what the hell.
Perhaps you are a shape-shifter, ever shifting to find an argument. LOL!
Gary, water buffalo is the major food source for the marsh pride of lions - according to the Animal Planet series.
How could I have overlooked the marsh pride? LOL! The other prides certainly don't count. (Now shift to something else.)
Since you already know about the grammar problems, you may want to think about the story arc itself, and whether you're telling an original tale or one that is derivative of similar work.
It's hard to be original in today's world -- but there's already a comic called "Shifters" by Marie Tary. Take a look and see if your story is very different from what's already been done in this genre.
Also, a quick search through Amazon.com using the term "shapeshifters" will show you what you're up against.
I don't point these things out to discourage you, but to challenge you to differentiate your work in a glutted marketplace.
Great start and I look forward to seeing more!
So I'm fairly confident that mine is at least slightly unique. It doesn't have any of those similar qualities listed above except maybe the fact that it involves shapeshifters and is fantasy (low fantasy, though, not high). ^_^
Please let us know the type of critique you would prefer. I'm thinking you were looking for high level, "how does this story grab you" critique, which I believe you're getting. If you want more technical critique, I'm sure there's some terrific folks who can do that as well. :)
Looking forward to the next installment!
I would love any sort of critique. Anything I'm doing wrong so far as hook, my writing in general, something I do that I shouldn't. Everything except grammar (though if you'd like to point out grammar that's accepted and appreciated, too, it's just more of a pain on critiquers).
Oh boy, that's a good point. o_0 -headdesk- I just realized that I hadn't addressed much about when she learned to shift. I was saving it for part two, but that's definitely something to make sure I include!
"She had known from the start that the trio were all shifters."
Were there three lions/shifters or four? Great story so far! I liked the build up and the climax. In the beginning it seemed like Zara had no clue she was a shifter, or that the old man was one also. Then later she was psychic: she knew the lions were shifters, and came across as knowing she was a shifter all along. I think the scene would be more consistent and dramatic if Zara discovered to her shock and surprise that she is a shifter. Perhaps you could make her the cool skeptic in the crowd, scoffing at the old man's fairy tales. Then suddenly she finds herself turning into a panther--whoops!
Hmm...I'm not sure what you mean by she didn't know. The first time Zara is introduced it specifically says that she knew that what Ancien was saying was true.
And I don't want her to realize she's a shifter here. She knew for a while and hid it, like many shifters. That would've worked ok, but her learning to shift is an important part of her history.
Here is where I thought you were using a metaphor-the flames-to describe Zara's feelings toward the tale. I got the impression she found it enticing, repulsive (new, different), and she wanted the "light" or information the story contained--and once she heard that information, she felt it was real, but wasn't sure why necessarily. Perhaps you are trying to tell us Zara was afraid of the fire like a beast?
"Wait…you mean…that school actually exists? I thought you were just making things up.”
The above quotes added to my confusion about what Zara believes or knows. She is a girl, so I guess she is entitled to change her mind. LOL!
Hmm...I dunno. I might consider that. It's not "psychic ability", though. It's generally easy to recognize other shifters by their actions. They don't act like their shifted animal. At the very least I'll add more to make it more obvious that that's what it is and that she's not just pulling it out of nowhere. ^_^
Hmm...I meant that she knew the shifter portion was real. Had no clue about the school, though. I'll change it to make it more obvious what I was talking about.
And you're not supposed to know everything that the story is about from the opening. That would defeat the point of reading the book. :) The synopsis would tell the gist of the story.
Hmm...what other details do you think I could add to make it more specific that it's in Africa? I've added the French language and the tribal aspect. I added a lion attack and they're generally found in Africa. In my edits (not posted here) I even mentioned Africa explicitly. I'd really like suggestions of how you think I could make it more clear. I don't want the reader to get too caught up on it, but I do want to make it clear. ^_^
The best thing about criticism is you can take what you like and discard the rest. :-)
Oops! Spoke too soon. LOL! I guess you edited?
I think part of the reason prologues are frowned upon is because they tend to be, in most cases, especially with beginning writers, just an info dump. They tell the history of their planet, social structure, small details that the reader doesn't need to know right off the bat, etc, in one great jumble, or that's what I noticed.
Don't get me wrong, there are a good number of people that do wonderful prologues, but most people's prologues can either be dropped altogether or changed into Chapter 1. Not all, but many. :)
Sure, some readers are anal--they need to know the exact coordinates of each character at all times. They might even wonder what part of Africa if you mention Africa, and if you mention what part of Africa, then they want to know which county, etc. You can waste a lot of words catering to people who refuse to let there imagination fill the gaps. It's best to move the story along and don't get too distracted by details.
A good example is "Goldilocks and the Three Bears." Where did that story take place? Did any kid ever ask, "Mommy, did Goldilocks live in Africa?" What was the porridge made of? Why was one too hot and another too cold? Assuming it all came from the same pot, all the bowls of porridge should be about the same temperature. The story defies the laws of thermodynamics! But what's even crazier is that the bears could talk! And they lived in a house with furniture! I mean the author is really forcing us to suspend belief like a circus elephant! Yet the story is a classic.
I think your best bet is to read the classics and get a feel for what is really important--and take most criticism with a grain of salt. :-)
www.eloquentbooks.com/TheDarkCup.html
Sammie.
As I said in my mail to you, your imagination is fine, but you are correct in the notion that you require help in transposing thought to the written word. I have taken the liberty of re-writing the first few paragraphs of your work. Try to make your work flow rather than darting too quickly from subject to subject. It is a good idea to lead your reader into the action relatively early, but if you do so without painting the picture for them in words – they will become lost very easily. I hope this small illustration will give you an idea of what a literary agent or publisher would expect.
The night was dark, almost unnaturally so. It gathered about the small group as they sat huddled about a dancing fire. The flames reached skyward in an almost pitiful attempt to push back the gloom. An uneasy silence had fallen over the gathering, broken only by the crackling hiss of dry timber as the fire eagerly consumed its very essence with a ravenous hunger.
The old man surveyed the gathering with eyes that were obscured by a cloudy veil that time had added. His frame stooped and he was now reliant on the gnarled staff that had become almost an extension of his own body. He eyed his small audience wearily. “There has been talk,” he began, his vision flitting from person to person as if defying anyone to interrupt, “about the school.”
For a moment all sound ceased save the constant crackle of the fire. To some, the oppressive darkness, if possible, seemed to grow even darker. To others, a faint shiver of anticipation touched their minds at the Elders words. Rumors came and rumors went, but stories of the school were never far from peoples lips.
I'll definitely work on incorporating description like your examples. Thank you very much! It really did help immensely and just looking back on parts i can see where I'll need to add things and make it clearer.
All that being said...
I was pleasantly surprised by your chapter. As noted, this shows great promise. I don't know how much you have written, but if you're not finished, I encourage you to continue until it's finished. Don't get wrapped up on the first chapter. The first chapter is the hardest to write, and if you get too caught up, you'll never get to finishing the entire story. Trust me, you will re-write this over and over again anyway.
After the chaos, it seemed a bit strange that they would have the following conversation in full view of tribe members who had just witnessed them turn into animals. It would seem more natural for Ancien to pull her to a more private area before their talk. I think the crowd would be a little more shocked and frightened afterward, as well. Nothing may be new in Africa, but still...
All in all, you are definitely on to something. Keep this up. I look forward to reading more.
I have chapters available from my book in progress at my private group, Gather to Aterrene. Feel free to join and check it out, if you wish. Ironically enough, there are shape-shifters in my novel as well, though as secondary characters.
Nice work.
You've got some really good points that I'll have to consider. I did intend that he pulled her aside, so I'll have to describe that a little bit more. That's my major downfall. I get caught up in the scene and forget that the reader can't see it like I can. xD And I'll work on the shock factor, too, or at least explain my reasoning a little more. :)
I'll definitely check out yours as soon as I get a chance!
Ooooh...
"She'd gone from nobody to a freak in mere moments"
I know that feeling!
A wonderful start. So... the Djinns here are a mix of physical and spirit? My Shadow Creatures are just spirit... unless they can borrow flesh for a while.
Basically, they're invisible, as they normally are, but they're also shapeshifters, as they are in most mythology. There are several amaar in my story, who are djinn that take a human shape and live amongst humans. Or that's how I've understood everything from my reading and research. ^_^
Of course, there are some variations. Looks, characteristics, personalities, etc. But I borrowed pretty heavily on Islamic beliefs and mythology.
Your story is very interesting! The shape shifting part especially... humans turning into animals or vice versa... ok, chills again, thanks.
Thanks. :) I try to come up with different things. This one came to me in a dream, so it was easy to think of! LOL.