by David W.
Member since:
February 16, 2006

NOT FOR HUMAN EYES

September 08, 2009 11:14 AM EDT
views: 71 | rating: 10/10 (16 votes) | comments: 48

NOT FOR HUMAN EYES

 

© 2009 BY David Wainland

 

 

 

 

Jamie and I returned home late last night. We spent the three-day weekend in Central Florida, near Daytona. The vacation, though short, was thoroughly enjoyable and peaceful, broken only by one incident and that “Incident,” was the topper to my stay and fortunately, not for Jamie’s blue eyes.

Our friends, Marty and Lynda along with Jamie and me, went to a movie theater to see 500 hundred Days of Summer, a date movie with a twist. If you like comedy/love stories, this is the one to see.

After the show I excused myself and went to the men’s room. I opened the door to see a very large gentleman, large in girth only, standing in front of the hot air dryer. He had his shorts down to his knees, including his underwear; his more than ample rear-end hanging out to the wind. The forced air blower was on, directed between his legs and he was drying his private parts without a care in the world.

I do not think I can ever go into a men’s room again without that vision crossing my mind.

I you find any spelling or other typing errors please excuse me because I sent my eyeballs out to be dry-cleaned.

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Comments: 48

penni d. Sep 8, 2009, 11:18am EDT
at a Movie house???? wow! How Rude, David! Your poor eyeballs will Never be the same again! I knew a fun guy named Marty once, but he was G.W. Marty, and went by his last name...
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:20am EDT
Rude is not quite the word I am looking for, perhaps, horrendous is more suitng.

Thanks for stopping by.
peggy g. Sep 8, 2009, 11:21am EDT
some people dont seem to care what they do in public ... you poor thing
penni d. Sep 8, 2009, 11:23am EDT
"Large in girth only"....I am Filled with mirth over your description, David.....ROFL
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:28am EDT
Politicaly correct. :-)
☀ Aunt Shanny Sep 8, 2009, 11:24am EDT
Dry cleaned? I would be scouring mine with a wire brush.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:28am EDT
That came before the dry-cleaning.
oh my~ =O

* did you offer him the bear suit?*
=D
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:29am EDT
Not in this lifetime. Only a slected few, Kelly and Growler, get to see the Bear-suit.
David Salyer Sep 8, 2009, 11:25am EDT
ewww! One can only wonder how he got them wet in a public bathroom in the first place!
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:30am EDT
All this went through my mind. I wonder if he has a shower at home.
Danielle P. Sep 8, 2009, 11:28am EDT
I do think I'd take my eyeballs out to be drycleaned also!! That one takes the cake. I've never heard of anything so repusive done in a public restroom. Oh my!!
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:31am EDT
Just when yu thoght it was safe to go back in the men's room.....
Barbara H. Sep 8, 2009, 11:31am EDT
My stomach is still hurting from laughing at your description of this scene but my senses are at the same time cowering with the shock of what goes on in this world.
When I go out anymore I usually try to visit my own private facility and I carry hand sanitizer on a regular basis.
Your entire countenance must have been altered with the shock. Did Jamie ask if you were allright when you returned to her side because of the greenish pallor you'd taken on?
.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:43am EDT
I sat down and laghed until I cried. It was hard to get my words out and explain why I was hysterical. Once I did my wife and friends were laugh with me.

At least this quiet vacation became memorable.
AND thank you for the giggle at GutterGirls~ ;)
Sue * Sep 8, 2009, 11:40am EDT
How does one comment on this?
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 11:44am EDT
By politely turning your head away and gagging. :-)
Keith C. Sep 8, 2009, 11:58am EDT
WTF
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 12:01pm EDT
What you see is what you get. It just that sometimes you don't want you you get. :-)
Brenda (square peg in a round hole) H. Sep 8, 2009, 12:27pm EDT
I guess I am the oddball here. Although I would have laughed if I saw that, not much suprises me anymore.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:43pm EDT
Surprise does not suit the situation. I'm surprised when strangers pass me on the street and say hello. Aghast is more like it.
Bryan "That 80's Dude" B. Sep 8, 2009, 12:38pm EDT
Geez Which person was it George Michaels or Pee Wee Herman. Dude...I feel sorry for your eyeballs but I have to agree with Brenda.

Me personally I would have had to say something sarcastic...lol
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:42pm EDT
I would have said something. If I could fhave found my tongue.
david f. Sep 8, 2009, 12:47pm EDT
unbelievable how some people were raised. i used to work in the courthouse. they actually had to put up stickers in the men's room telling people not to urinate in the sink. two examples, yours and mine, why i'm slowly losing faith in humanity.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:41pm EDT
So tell me, why is it we need reminders in bathrooms, "Employees must wash hands before returning to work." I lost faith quite a long time ago. Now I live on hope adndesperation.

Also seen in restrooms, "Please don't put your cigarettes in the urinals and we won't pee in your ashtrays."
david f. Sep 8, 2009, 4:47pm EDT
by 'we' i'm assuming you mean mankind in general. i'm really hoping that it's just the few ruining it for the majority - and that the majority really doesn't need reminders, but lately - i just don't know.

i actually like that last one.
Patricia J. Sep 8, 2009, 1:04pm EDT
That is truly gross. One wonders if there was a woman of large girth in the ladies room doing the same thing!
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:35pm EDT
Hmmm, it's a possiblity, though my journeys into that female refuge are very limited and usualy ended with me flying out in a state of panic.
Patricia J. Sep 8, 2009, 6:39pm EDT
Well, I of course, have to visit that room but I don't stay a second longer than I have to.
Richard Frisbie Sep 8, 2009, 1:16pm EDT
You'd better wash those eyeballs out with soap when they return. My experience was less traumatic, it was a handsome young man casually changing from his suit into sweats to fly. He chatted about being comfortable inflight as he stripped to his skivvies. After all those foot-tapping Republican stories in airport bathrooms, I was surprised he wasn't in a stall.
JOHN BECK Sep 8, 2009, 2:59pm EDT
Different strokes for different folks. I dare not say more.
KC Klein Sep 8, 2009, 3:26pm EDT
To quote Jim Morrison, great American poet: "People are strange."
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:33pm EDT
Strange is not he word Karl, Daymon Runyon could not have written a more bizzare happenstance. I think I could write a book with that event as my opening chapter.
KC Klein Sep 8, 2009, 4:39pm EDT
No butts about it, huh?

Moments, Dave. We see snapshots. "If you can hear the music, you may think the dancer mad."

I have public bathroom phobia. Until recently, I didn't even know such a thing existed.

But then, I am a recuse.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 4:47pm EDT
I used to suffer the same phobia, but when I developed ulcerated colitis and felt extreme urgency over twenty timse a day, I put that aside. Another book I should write, Bad bathrooms of the world. I have seen them all. Fom outhouses to simple holes in the ground
KC Klein Sep 8, 2009, 4:56pm EDT
I've learned to step out of my skin when I have to. For example, given I have social anxiety disorder, for a time, I was a wedding photographer with 200 weddings to my credit.

Old outhouse joke:

Years ago, on the PA Turnpike, they had outhouses. Nothing more than toilets over holes. One day, I go in, a guy's dropping dollar bills in the toilet. I asked what he was doing.

"I saw a quarter down there. I'm not going down there for just a quarter!"
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 5:00pm EDT
"That's a load of crap," John Crapper, the inventor of the flush toilet on hearing that they nicknamed it after him.
KC Klein Sep 8, 2009, 5:08pm EDT
If men didn't have to crap, toilets wouldn't be needed. People can say what they wish about penises. They're awfully convenient for dispensing urine.

Though my wife can write her name in the snow, she erases it with her feet as she goes.
David W. Sep 8, 2009, 5:11pm EDT
That's too much information. I am in overload mode.
JustMe ~I'm happy to be~ Sep 8, 2009, 5:18pm EDT
I know I should b grossed out, but I can't help but laugh. He recreated the definition of
hair dryer! :)
Angela A. Sep 8, 2009, 5:36pm EDT
Ten!
Annmarie B. Sep 8, 2009, 11:39pm EDT
Gross, Take care of those poor eyeballs. DId you laugh? I would have went and got a friend and said just look in there. I'm sorry but that is really funny.
Alison H. Sep 9, 2009, 1:37am EDT
Whoa.
Kushal Poddar Sep 9, 2009, 12:40pm EDT
Double it.
Kushal Poddar Sep 9, 2009, 12:40pm EDT
What an experience. Gross and lots of eww
like any other night
Kim J. Sep 9, 2009, 2:21pm EDT
LOL LOL. I know this was a horrible expereince for you, and i'm sorry. But its some of the funniest things I've read in quite a while. Hope you can get that image out of your head eventually.
necee t. Sep 9, 2009, 8:57pm EDT
ooh dear, what an awful sight... hope your eyeballs recover soon... love ya

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