Why Won't Glenn Beck Clear His Name?

Comments: 39

Kris M. Sep 5, 2009, 3:53pm EDT

Why hasn't anyone asked for his birth certificate yet?

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 5, 2009, 3:58pm EDT

This is just outrageous! I heard Glen Beck was raped and murdered. So far, he hasn't shown up at my door to prove it isn't true.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 6, 2009, 12:01am EDT

I think he might be waiting for the buzzy lady to get documentation of her sanity so they can come together.

reply to this comment

Nippy Katz (not his real name) Patriotic Troll of Gather Freedom Sep 5, 2009, 4:07pm EDT

I don't think Beck could produce a birth certificate. "Inspected by #37" and "Made in Myanmar" are probably the best he could come up with. Oh yeah, rumor are that the care instructions are "Wash in cold water, line dry."

Nippy Katz (not his real name) Patriotic Troll of Gather Freedom Sep 5, 2009, 4:07pm EDT

S/B "rumor is"

Kris M. Sep 5, 2009, 4:11pm EDT

Well, the care instructions alone explain a lot. Clearly, being subjected to a dryer has had a detrimental effect on some of his parts. It would certainly account for the shrunken head.

Silly me. I thought he was just in need of antidepressants after his advertisers left him. I should have known there was a more organic cause to his... whatever it is that's wrong with him.

Richard Frisbie Sep 5, 2009, 4:21pm EDT

Shouldn't those care instructions read "water board"?

Kris M. Sep 5, 2009, 5:14pm EDT

HAHAHAHAHA!

I wish I'd thought of that.

reply to this comment

Kevin Weeks Sep 5, 2009, 4:37pm EDT

I also note that Beck has yet to make a statement that he is no longer beating his wife. And although I personally doubt it's true, he should certainly address the rumors that he hates melanin and regularly bathes in the menstrual blood of Aryan virgins to keep his skin a pasty white.

reply to this comment

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 5, 2009, 4:45pm EDT

This just in - boy, the rumors are flying - Beck wear's lacy thongs under his suits.

Cena W. Sep 5, 2009, 11:49pm EDT

Red or Black or Pink. Are they laced with silk satin ribbons.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 6, 2009, 12:02am EDT

I didn't get the details, Cena. And I won't guess because I would hate to start a false rumor.

Cena W. Sep 6, 2009, 1:49am EDT

Ha Ha Ha Ha

reply to this comment

Kevin Weeks Sep 5, 2009, 5:11pm EDT

Sandy,
It would be so easy for him to prove otherwise. He has a national TV audience and all he has to do is take off his suit and we'd know! Well, he might wear regular underwear just on that occasion. But if all he ever wore was underwear we'd know we could trust him as the solid, thoughtful, and reliable commentator we know him to be. I'm just baffled that he's so afraid of clearing up these wild rumors.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 5, 2009, 5:48pm EDT

Good idea, Kevin. I think he should wear nothing but his undies while he disproves the rest of these rumors.

Kevin Weeks Sep 5, 2009, 5:55pm EDT

Sandy,
Personally, I'm sure he has nothing to hide.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 6, 2009, 12:02am EDT

That's funny, Kevin. And I'm sure you are right.

Cena W. Sep 6, 2009, 1:50am EDT

kinda like what Madoff's mistress told us?

Cena W. Sep 6, 2009, 1:51am EDT

Madoff probably gave the Repubs lotsa money, that is probably their SEC never found anything "wrong"

reply to this comment

Kris M. Sep 5, 2009, 5:16pm EDT

I think he has a moral responsibility to deny that he owes Michael Vick several thousand dollars he lost betting on a losing dog. Of course, I heard he helped Vick kill that dog, so I could be wrong.

reply to this comment

Kevin Weeks Sep 5, 2009, 5:45pm EDT

Kris,
The Michael Vick/Glenn Beck/dog story is simply far too fetid to repeat - and killing the dog is the least of it. Whether it's true or not, I refuse to demean myself by even thinking about it. And, of course, it might only be a vile lie by his detractors and he is simply too noble to address it.

reply to this comment

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 5, 2009, 5:49pm EDT

Was the dog incident before or after he was rumored to have spent the night with sheep?

Kris M. Sep 6, 2009, 11:05am EDT

At the same time. It was a sheepdog.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 7, 2009, 12:26am EDT

Now I see the importance of getting the facts straight. Thanks, Kris.

reply to this comment

Kevin Weeks Sep 5, 2009, 6:03pm EDT

Sandy,
We know that's a lie. A friend's brother's boss said Beck is allergic to lanolin. This is how baseless rumors get started, no one thinks to ask their friend's brother's boss for confirmation. At least people should check out the truthiness of chain emails on dopes.com.

Nippy Katz (not his real name) Patriotic Troll of Gather Freedom Sep 5, 2009, 6:09pm EDT

It was goats, alpacas, or both. I understand they had to be euthanized afterwards. Beck's proclivities tend toward the right end of the rough curve.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 5, 2009, 10:46pm EDT

Dang. I promise I will bookmark dopes.com and use it faithfully in the future. Gotta go now and see if it's true he hasn't changed his socks in three years.

reply to this comment

Cena W. Sep 5, 2009, 11:47pm EDT

That's NOTHING, I heard that when the Democrats pass their immigration reform bill,
All working conservative/ Republicans will have to work for 20% less than minimum wage.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 6, 2009, 12:03am EDT

Cena, I heard that, too! That means it has to be true. They'll be so angry.

Kevin Weeks Sep 6, 2009, 12:39am EDT

Sandy,
Surely you jest. Repubs don't get angry just because the universe insists on denying their desires.

reply to this comment

Carla G. Sep 6, 2009, 12:04am EDT

I truly believe the man has mental problems.

Cena W. Sep 6, 2009, 1:52am EDT

Did you see the cover to his latest book?

Wearing that Nazi like uniform

reply to this comment

Don (are we Marxist yet?) H. Sep 6, 2009, 4:18am EDT

Wow. You libs are really reaching on this one. Van Jones has plenty of YouTube videos and back up what Beck said... and the Obama administration could not deal with that sort of baggage.

Keep watching Fox News. There will be a few days of well deserved gloating, but there are more targets in the administration. Poor Obama really thought he could waltz into the Whitehouse and hire any old commie/socialist/leftist he wanted with no repercussions. Just another huge mistake that will cost the Democrats dearly in 2010.

It must suck having a majority -- such a huge target. Enjoy :)

Kevin Weeks Sep 6, 2009, 10:31am EDT

It's a joke. Humor. Satire. Don't be so gullible.

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Sep 7, 2009, 12:28am EDT

I see Don is playing the game, only he forgot to make it clear that the commie/socialist/leftist accusations were rumors. Poor Don.

reply to this comment

Don (are we Marxist yet?) H. Sep 6, 2009, 4:21am EDT

BTW - Glenn Beck can be held libel for what he says. I sure hope Beck gets his lawyers to go after this guy and take him for every last penny he has.

Rude D. Sep 6, 2009, 10:28am EDT

But what if Beck is arrested for his crime.
Some crimes take decades to solve.
His HUGE mood swings from crying to laughing within minutes are NOT normal.
Just because he is popular with the right we will allow him to rape and murder?
If he wants to beat his wife and she is too dumb to get out it's her own damn fault. But murder?
I don't care how much the right loves his ass, nobody is above the law.
More investigators NOW!!!!!

Don (are we Marxist yet?) H. Sep 8, 2009, 11:10pm EDT

I guess it doesn't matter... Beck is getting close to 3 million listeners on TV a day, and millions more on the radio. This ass clown probably gets a few hunder visitors a day and not one credible media outlet would repeat the stupidity... so you have my permission to continue on with your stupidity. No point was made, so it's all good.

reply to this comment

Don (are we Marxist yet?) H. Sep 8, 2009, 11:10pm EDT

hundred

reply to this comment

Why Won't Glenn Beck Clear His Name?

Comments: 39

Join the Conversation

You might also like

More by Kevin Weeks