Left Turn - Wednesday Writing Essentials

“Turn left,” says he.

“How far is it now?”

“Be less if you turned the right way.” His eyes start to frown.

Her fingers tense round the steering wheel as she feels him rejecting her skills; rejection till the diamond’s glorious sparkle fades to dusk.

Downhill and slow; musk-scented trees bow low to the engine’s murmur while day grows dark. God’s diamonds, up above the world so high…

“Turn left,” says he.

And, “How far is it now?”

So he sighs. She stops the car.

“Turn my way.” She turns. He plants a kiss. And rejection flies far far away.

Written for Wednesday Writing Essentials:

include at least five words of a song
type one word twice and see if your reader catches it
use onomatopoeia (for those who don't want to jump to the link, onomatopoeia is language that imitates or suggests the sound to which it refers. Think: cuckcoo, gurgle, swoosh)
use the word "sparkle"
tag with wwe

Comments: 17

elizabeth e. Aug 19, 2009, 6:48pm EDT

Nice job...looks like you included everything:

up above the world so high…

far far

far far

glorious sparkle

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Jennifer Lee Aug 19, 2009, 7:11pm EDT

and for the sound the engine's murmur. Great response to the prompt, Sheila!

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Marge H. Aug 19, 2009, 8:05pm EDT

Perfect. Love the ending.

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Barbara H. Aug 19, 2009, 8:08pm EDT

Wow! What a great experience. Up and down thoughts and feelings end with a quick turnaround and a kiss. I loved it.

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Marilyn is looking for whatever there is. N. Aug 19, 2009, 10:50pm EDT

Sheila,
Wow, great write! Loved it all the way through and what a time I'm having, not being able to think of a single thing!

Marilyn

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Kushal Poddar Aug 20, 2009, 9:26am EDT

Beautiful. The ending is perfect.
I saw me asleep

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Lynn, whose writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Aug 20, 2009, 11:00am EDT

Gee! If the guys I love (hubby and Dad) would be that nice to me while I drive, I'd drive the car with them some times. (OK, so they also have to stop gasping and using the passenger's side pretend-brake every time they don't think I see that car in front of me stop for no reason, too. lol) You captured the driving angst of so many of us women, but ended it like we always wished (but never thought it out) it would end. This piece deserves a standing applause from women around the world - not just for the dialog and ending but for the visual and emotional experience just captured in such a short story.

Now, word wise, I have the same problems you have, so don't take this at face value, until someone else confirms it, but I think "fingers tense round" should be "fingers tense around." Anyone else know for sure?

And "murmur!" Good word!

Susan Budig Aug 25, 2009, 3:25am EDT

Sheila's a Brit, I believe. She grasps her fingers round the wheel while we State-side folks clutch our fingers around the wheel.

Now you owe Sheila a biscuit and me a cookie, but take 'em off the same pan. ;-)

Lynn, whose writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Aug 27, 2009, 11:13pm EDT

Ah, yes. Forgot. English as a different language. lol

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Susan Budig Aug 25, 2009, 3:27am EDT

Sheila, thank you for posting the Writing Essentials. I had to read it twice to find the song although after the first reading I was aware that you'd used that prompt, but I couldn't immediately identify it.

That nasty remark, "Be less if you turned the right way" was reconciled by the kiss in the end.

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Len Maxwell Aug 26, 2009, 9:37am EDT

Yep, I had to read it twice to catch the song. Sheila, working the words in to the text without making them an obvious quote was very sly. Excellent work.

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