by Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!!
Member since:
December 1, 2008

Mottos for a New World Order

August 15, 2009 07:37 PM EDT
views: 88 | rating: 10/10 (12 votes) | comments: 45

I’ve decided I’m going to stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.  Or, more precisely, I’m going to stop arguing and start making money.

So here, for your approval, is my new line of tee shirt and bumper sticker mottos:

1. ALCOHOL – THE SAFE DRUG
2. AMERICA – TOO TOUGH TO NEED A BILL OF RIGHTS
3. BETTER LIVING THROUGH PETROCHEMICALS
4. BIG CARS MEAN BIG D**KS!
5. BUILD JAILS NOT SCHOOLS
6. DOGS AND CATS – BREED FREE AND STARVE!
7. DON’T TAX THE RICH – TAX ME!
8. DON’T TEACH TEENS ABOUT SEX – LET THEM FIGURE IT OUT ON  THEIR OWN!
9. EARTH – IT’S DISPOSABLE!
10. HEALTHCARE IS FOR WIMPS
11. IF YOU CAN READ THIS THANK AN EFFETE SNOB
12. ILLITERATES FOR A PAPERLESS SOCIETY
13. IT’S OK - SAME WORK/LESS PAY!
14. JESUS HATES THE SAME PEOPLE I DO
15. RACISM – IT’S NOT JUST FOR BLACK PEOPLE ANYMORE
16. SAFE FOOD IS EXPENSIVE FOOD
17. STICKS AND STONES – WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY
18. TEACHERS ARE OVERPAYED
19. TOPLESS MOUNTAINS ARE SEXY
20. POLITICIANS DO IT UNDER THE TABLE

 

And yes I have too copyrighted these.  Send donations to my Normal, ILL address.

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Comments: 45

Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 7:39pm EDT
I guess I'll go ahead and point out that this is satire. Not that anyone's listening...
libramoon C. Aug 15, 2009, 8:22pm EDT
You don't think these actually have market value?
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 8:25pm EDT
To whom?

If they do, I'm rich cause I did these in about 5 minutes. My mind just works this way...
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 8:30pm EDT
People buy funny t-shirts all the time.
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 8:30pm EDT
And look at all the bummer stickers out there.
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 8:31pm EDT
ha ha - I mean BUMPER !!!!
Bob Cronley Aug 15, 2009, 11:31pm EDT
I heard some one in Washington, DC, made a lot of money selling buttons that say "Reality is Negotiable" to the politicians.
Tracy Fabre Aug 15, 2009, 7:40pm EDT
"overpayed" ... haaaaaaaa.

Thanks, effete snobs! I am off to decapitate a mountain now.
Tracy Fabre Aug 15, 2009, 7:40pm EDT
And I'll ping you if I wanna. :Þ
Ron B. Aug 15, 2009, 7:43pm EDT
This is hysterical and brilliant. Of course I'm gonna make a copy...
Kris M. Aug 15, 2009, 7:43pm EDT
I had the same reaction to "overpayed," swiftly followed by "I wish I'd thought of that."

Now I'm completely derailed from work and will spend the next 20 minutes trying to think of something funny enough to contribute.
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 7:49pm EDT
Red Wine: Peter's drug of choice.
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 7:52pm EDT
Those are marvelous. There is a place you can send those that make up T-shirts and bumper stickers and you will get royalties. Let me try to find them.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 7:57pm EDT
I wonder who would buy them? I think there's a problem with actually writing unconscious humor, isn't there?
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 8:12pm EDT
Funny bright liberal slogans is all they do, I think.
Sandi S. Aug 15, 2009, 9:00pm EDT
Put them on e-bay, you'll see! People will buy ANYTHING! :)
sharon SugarMomma is a wise woman, Aug 16, 2009, 12:10am EDT
Cafe Press is one of the places
Peter Joseph Swanson Aug 15, 2009, 7:54pm EDT
"http://www.northernsun.com/"
Way to go corporate! Woohoo! I know someone who is going to be RICH!
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 7:59pm EDT
I would have been rich if I'd gotten around to making my

Beat the Bush - Flush the Quale
bumper sticker during whatever election that was.

Then, during 2004 I failed to sell anyone my:

Richard Nixon - Come Home! All Is Forgiven

one. Oh Well...
Bob Cronley Aug 15, 2009, 11:33pm EDT
I would have bought on. In 2004 I was saying that I would vote for Nixon to get rid of Bush.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 16, 2009, 9:21am EDT
Me too - it's amazing how one's perspective changes....
I would not have expected any less of you. I would like to thank the effete snob, Mrs. Hall who taught me to read. If she had not, I would not have enjoyed this and spewed soda at my spouse rather than on my laptop.
These are great! I'd buy every one of them.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 8:29pm EDT
I do have a tee shirt somewhere that says

Kentucky: Fast Horses, Beautiful Women, Affordable Politicians

that I made to celebrate one of our state congressmen who got caught over a $200 bribe... He was willing to change his vote for 200 bucks. Makes a girl proud.

Remember, we're the state that brought you Mitch McConnell...
Time Heals Aug 15, 2009, 8:50pm EDT
Blogosphere: the Employee Break Room of the Web
Vicky Duggins Aug 15, 2009, 8:54pm EDT
14. JESUS HATES THE SAME PEOPLE I DO

I love it. Pure genius!
Amanda Wunderlich Aug 15, 2009, 9:59pm EDT
funny funny stuff
JOHN BECK Aug 15, 2009, 10:06pm EDT
Woodstock backlash?
flit . Aug 15, 2009, 10:18pm EDT
so ...where can I order my TEACHERS ARE OVERPAYED shirt?
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 15, 2009, 11:15pm EDT
Give me your size and address and I'll make you one...
Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Aug 16, 2009, 1:33am EDT
I think you hit the jackpot, Sarah. These would sell (it's the kind of stuff I give my kids for Christmas).
Kathleen ♥ L. Aug 16, 2009, 1:40am EDT
Hmmm.....
if you change 'cars' to 'trucks' and end it with "NOT!"
I'd buy a bumper sticker with #4 on it
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 16, 2009, 9:20am EDT
That's a thought. I think you're right about the NOT - satire is lost on the big truck crowd...
I'm offended by all of these. What kind of narrow minded . . .

Oh . . . Satire?

Never mind.
Larry M. Aug 16, 2009, 9:56am EDT
You'll make a fortune. But number 8 should be:

DON'T TEACH TEENS ABOUT SEX - THEY'LL FIGURE IT OUT FOR THEMSELVES
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 16, 2009, 6:46pm EDT
Perhaps, but I was aiming for the complete idiocy market. Total abdication.
Leo Lemmer Aug 16, 2009, 5:15pm EDT
Sarah, investigate. You actually might make money off these. I collect such sayings, and all of yours are totally original and excellent.
This is a great line of slogans. Ya know, you could hook up with Cafepress and move into mugs, tee shirts, sweat shirts, hoodies, fridgies...The sky's the limit.
When I was in high school north of Chicago Normal, IL was always said with an ironic tone of voice. Then there was the year that Metropolis won the state high school basketball tournament. Months of bad jokes.
Sarah A. (I KANZ B UH RITUR!!!!) , YEZ!! Aug 17, 2009, 7:13pm EDT
I believe a marriage made in heaven would be one between a Normal man and a Boring woman (from Boring, OR)..
Excellent idea.
Aniko     Aug 17, 2009, 6:02am EDT
They are great, though I agree some are a bit too subtle for the actual market. (How about "Teacher's Are Overpayed"?) Because I agree with those who say you could make some money with these. (Not great riches, of course, unless you're really lucky.)
Cena W. Sep 3, 2009, 1:13pm EDT
Sorry, I haven't been on-line, I am sorry I am so late to see this

Excelent, fabulous, funny and best of all witty.


Cena W. Sep 3, 2009, 1:14pm EDT
California motto seems to be build jails not schools.

Odd, in such a liberal state

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