Sexy Question of the Day

my first wife and I aren't friends, don't really want to see her again..

Larry, I can see when sometimes some relationships just are not meant to be kept. I know as my first husband and I will never be friends again despite us having tried several times after the divorce and even became lovers again after the divorce. It just did NOT work out.

Hmmm, I am trying, but I cannot remember back that far. :-)

September 13, my wife and I will be celebrating our 45th anniversary.

How absolutely wonderful for you and your wife! Early congratulations to you and she on that special 45th anniversary. I know how special long marriages are as my Parents celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary on March 30th, 2009.

That is fantastic. We are becoming extinct, those of long time marriages. Thanks for the early attaboys.

I have male friends, and two of them are exes. My second ex husband and I are friends, and I even started him dating a friend of mine that was closer to where he was in life. He is very good to my kids, and they look at him as a father, and I will always be grateful for how good he is to them! It isn't an easy transition to make, and it has to be one way or the other. I have found riding the fence, or going back to try to be friends with benefits doesn't work for me.

That is neat that your second ex husband and you can still be friends. That must be great for your children although they are adults. I know it must bring them some sort of comfort knowing that they have him that they can count on.

In several of my friendships with exes it has worked out perfectly to keep it platonic although we sometimes can play and tease each other about the past when it comes to sex. Several others I have been able to keep physical relationships with when I have not had a significant other and he has not had one, and it has worked out great. I don't recommend this to anyone who isn't strong enough to do it because emotions can get in the way of an otherwise great friendship and take you back to the negativity that may have caused the break up in the first place. (I hope that I have made myself clear on this.)

That is why I said it doesn't work for me. I am sure there are some that can handle it, just like there are those that can't handle ever talking to them again.

You're absolutely right about some of us never wanting to look at our exes muchless even look at them or speak to them.

I have a few that went from that to just friends, but that's because we had a good friendship to begin with.

That is great Krystal!

I hope that you and your little family are all healthy and happy. Thinking of you and sending you love.

I definitely think it's possible. I"m friends with several of my exes. I think if both people are mature and can keep jealousy and old feelings from creeping in it can actually be a really good and deep friendship.

I agree wholeheartedly with your feelings on this Laura. As long as the jealousy and old feelings don't creep in it can actually be a really good and deep and everlasting friendship.

My first wife and I are friends. She and her third husband (she was a widow from her second husband) stayed with us for a few days last Fall, and we had stayed in her and her second husbands house one Christmas for a couple of days.
I don't think that would be possible with my second wife.

I knew that the experience would win out on this question today. One must have the experience and the maturity in order to be able to have this sort of relationship.

Unfortunately, I also have a friend or lover mindset. I have a lot of male friends but none are my exes. My hubby crossed that bridge because he was a friend and then we became lovers - first time I ever did that (guess it was a good idea after all :)

YOU SEE?? It does work! ;)

I don't know. Most of our divorced friends wouldn't ever want to see each other again.

Well in dating situations it can and does work as well. I can understand how some of your divorced friends feel too as I have experienced it firsthand also.

Women are only for sex? What are you hanging around lately Esther?

I have not managed to go from a relationship to friends, usually relationships end the friendship.

Luckily for me I have been able to keep my friends despite their having their new friends. Only until after she is gone can we regain the friendship that we once had it's true.

Dan ~ we women are NOT only for sex. What would ever give you that idea??

"This is something that my current significant other of almost nine years disagrees with. He seems to think that the only thing that people of the opposite sex are good for is for sex"

That is what I was commenting about.

D' oh. I am such an airhead sometimes Dan. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

LOL We all have our blonde moments. LOL
Its ok.

I have no desire to be friends with any of my ex lovers.....
Steve asked to be friends...I spent 3 years avoiding him after the break up...as soon as I broke down.....we got back together and now back together for 2 years.

Sounds like some good ol' double talk to me Marsha... ;p

Like your new icon hon.

I think so in some situations. I have ex boyfriends that are just friends.

It does work sometimes and sometimes it just isn't in the chemistry to be.

yes they can Esther...........

Randee!! Hey buddy how are ya??

Nice seeing you around.

Yes.

Thanks Marianne!

I think they can. I know I can't be in the same room as my high school, we just cause to much pain to each other and I always want to kick him as hard as i can in his N**S
but for the most part I am friends with my ex;s

opps that should say high school sweetheart

You have to forgive me Anne but I had to crack up when I read your answer about wanting to kick your high school sweetheart in the nuts. hee! I know I feel the same way about one or two of mine as well...

My exbf and I are best friends, he and I have been through a lot together and we have and always will have a bond. It is funny and uncanny but we won't talk for months but when I have a bad day, he calls, like he knows. Anyone who gets involved with him or I are made aware of our friendship as it won't change. We know we will never be more but we also know we will never lose touch as long as we both live.

That reading your comment gave me goosebumps is an understatement Angie. It's weird when we build a bond with people like that isn't it?? I have met very few people who I had this sort of bond with and you're right it is uncanny and mystical how one can be so close.

I give you the bouquest of roses for the answer of the day because it has left me thinking...thanks!

yes

Agreed.

Thanks Donna!

I guess it all depends on how the relationship ends. I have a male friend that became a friend with benefits and back to just being a friend. Some people can handle it and some can't.

You are so right Traci!

I tolerate my ex-husband for the sake of our 2 daughters. He's an idiot and I still question (as does my "new" husband - sounds weird saying that when we've been together 10 years, married for 7 1/2) my judgment about having married him the first place. lol

I've tried staying friends with one ex-boyfriend and it's impossible at this point to continue. We're both married, but he's miserable and looking to either have an affair or leave his wife entirely. I think either they should do counseling (they have 3 kids under 9 years old) or get divorced, that an affair isn't the right thing to do. (My ex-husband was a serial cheater, so I know what his wife would feel.) He suggested we "hook back up" and I nearly knocked his front teeth out. I would NEVER do that to my husband, as I love him too much. Keep in mind, my husband is friends with this guy, as well (they knew each other before the hubby and I met.) Plus, not for nothing, but I know how it feels being the cheated on wife in this scenario and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

The hubby and I are friends with one of his ex-girlfriends, and it works out well. She understands that we're in love and she said she's happy to see how happy I make him. It's kind of nice having her "approval" but still kind of weird, if you know what I mean.

The rest of our exes? I guess they're exes for a reason, huh? lol

What a complicated life we sometimes lead eh? Sounds like you know what you want and need and it certainly seems as if you have been around the block in this situation. I can't even begin to imagine what type of pain you must have felt having been married to a serial cheater. All it took was to see it with my own two eyes and all I wanted to do is to take his eyes out with my bare fingernails. Horrible pain and pain that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

I am happy that you are a special and one of a kind lady despite all of the heck that you have been put through.

It can happen but the question in my mind would be is the relationship back to being just friends or does one of the partners have an ulterior motive. I have known people who wanted to be friends only because they believed they would eventually go back to being lovers. That is not fair to the other partner who truly just wants a friendship.
It also depend on how deep the friendship was to begin with. If you were friends first and then became lovers than there it is more likely that you can remain friends.

nope....... i don't think so.....too much personal under the bridge....... an ex lover said to me....... i need a friend.....just you..... oh hell no....having said that...... the person who is my lover now...... well he would forever be my firend.....i say this cause we have not done the deed in almost 18 months and he still cares for me just as much...... lately is the only time he has mentioned that we NEED to be sexual....... not many like him around....

Yes...I had a couple ex boyfriends come to my wedding....

Yes they can.

The only lover I've ever had is my hubby! As for my ex-bf's, if I ever crossed paths with any of them, it would be just a casual hello.

I think it depends on the releationship. And I really don't want my husband to not be my lover to find out LOL

Its possible I have an aunt who is still good friends with her first husband. For me an ex stays an ex, and is out of my life. They have all used me one way or another, so that may be the main reason I feel as I do.

My first wife,, uh, lets say, there is nothing left good for me to say. I have never gotted married again.
I have lived together with several women in between.
My last GF, we have remained friends.

Hmmmmm most of my best friends ARE of the opposite sex, and the biggest problem I've had in moving from "lovers" to "friends" have been same-sex relationships. In general, I would say that if you don't believe that it can be done it says more about you than about your partners.

One of my friends was divorced from her first husband years ago, and she is remarried. She and her husband are best of friends with her ex-husband and his wife. They do everything together. (well, maybe not everything; I don't know for sure)

All of my ex lovers are friends of mine.... except my ex-husband. (he's a asshole!!!)
Funny that your current partner thinks that people of the opposite sex are only good for sex. (Some of my ex's are girls too!)
I have a few male friends that I've never had sex with; but I think that is b/c they live on the other side of U.S. currently. I am sure it will change in the future...
It's great to have friends with benefits!

It hasn't worked for me. The ones I have seen were more interested in getting me back in ber than being friends.

It really hasn't worked for me. I've tried being just friends with a few of my bf's and it just never seems to work out. But of course I've dated some really not trustworthy guys and I doubt I would have been friends with them for too long in the first place.

im very social and still friends with most of my exes. mr. 20+yrs has always had a problem with that. but now that i want to break free, he wants to remain "close". huh? funny how that happens. pffft.

It's possible to go from being lover to being friends to being lovers again :-)

It sure is. One of my dearest friend is a woman I hooked up with for a bit. We were friends before and became even closer after. In fact I was out with her, when I met Elena.

I agree with you. Many of my ex's have remained friends. And I strongly disagree with your S.O. My husband is my best friend.

Thank Marge.

That's the way that I strongly feel about things. I guess one must be a good friend first in order to expect to have good friends. Perhaps that is why Rick doesn't believe the same way that we do.

If you divorce someone you should make a clean break.. there is something strange about trying to be "friends" , is it away of escaping guilt over the failed marriage?

He may act like it is all about sex, but when men do that it is seldom the truth where marriage is involved.. There is also hurt and anger and other emotions that are hard to deal with...

That's the answer that I would have expected to have received from you Steve as you are the Legend and you have a great heart and mind.

yes i think so, I'm closer to my first husband as friends then we were as a couple

Lovers come and go but friends are forever.

Are you in accord that some lovers can be friends and that the relationships can last forever too?

I don't agree with your significant other, men and woman can be friends without sex involved and certainly can go from lovers to friends when they realize they are not right for each other.

I have to admit, I was so badly burned by my ex I have no desire to ever have contact with him. Sometimes when you are involved with someone you don't realize the scope of the pain involved. I do fault myself though for not giving up sooner, as he clearly didn't want the same things I did.

Good question.

I didn't think that too many people would agree with Rick on this. He is just a macho man and doesn't know any different.

I am sorry that your ex used and abused you Heather. It was a pitiful thing what he did to you.

For me it was how the relationship ended. I don't think we will or can ever be friends..

That's a shame but I think that sometimes we outgrow each other and that can be sad too.

Absolutely!

Thanks Leo!

With f***ing buddies yes, real lovers no.

I think what you say could be possible...

Thanks Esther!!!

Most definitly. Several of my ex's made better friends after we stopped seeing eachother. The game is over and we can relax and be ourselves more and not try to keep eachother interested. Does that make sense? lol

Yes, I am friends with all my lovers. Except my ex husband...but than again he split state after the divorce and I have not really seen him since. But he has been popping up in my dreams lately...weird.

it's possible. depends on how the split was.

I think it is possible. It really depend on my why it didn't work out. The split also has to have been mutual for a real friendship to be possible.

I know that you can truly be friends with men without romantic complications. I have several very close male friends whom I value and love, but not romantically. They are simply great to talk with, see a baseball game with, cook with, etc.

However, I am convinced that to have a good romantic relationship, you have to first be friends. I have never formed romantic feelings for a man that I wasn't already good friends with, however, being friends doesn't always lead to romantic feelings.