To War

Comments: 39

Susan Budig Aug 7, 2009, 4:03pm EDT

I confess, I don't know the form of a tanka, but I have heard of it. Regardless, I certainly enjoyed this one.

James Ciriaco Aug 7, 2009, 5:44pm EDT

Thank you for reading, Susan, and for accepting this into Mindful Poetry. I appreciate your determination to maintain the group's focus; there are plenty of general poetry groups out there.

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Nancy L. Aug 7, 2009, 5:15pm EDT

Almost reads like a micro story. Cool!

I know nothing about this form of poetry, other than its name. Can you share with us a little information about what a tanka is?

James Ciriaco Aug 7, 2009, 5:49pm EDT

Glad you liked it, Nancy!

Tanka is the quintessential Japanese verse form; it's considerably older than haiku and more widely practiced. Tanka poems consist of five lines, each containing a fixed number of syllables (originally characters), in the following order: 5-7-5-7-7. Many tanka poems are occasional, but I've read examples that range more widely in theme. One aims for concision and grace.

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Atticus *. Aug 7, 2009, 5:21pm EDT

James, The last line of this tanka is so chilling. I love how the poem seems pretty straight forward in sentiment, at least, but the last two lines, just drill the intent straight into the reader's heart. Those two lines bear the unbearable emotional weight of the poem. Extremely nice use of the word naive, the realization that the fears were naive not because they were unfounded but because they were so diminutive compared to the actual magnitude of the devastation. Great tanka.

Atticus *. Aug 7, 2009, 5:26pm EDT

Speaking of the poetry duel: I'm also quite fond of your ant lion haiku. It's been rolling around in my head for a couple of days now.

James Ciriaco Aug 7, 2009, 6:02pm EDT

This is just a lovely reading, Atticus; thank you! That appalling realization is just what I meant to capture. It's easy to dismiss shorter poems like this, but sometimes-- if we live with them for a little while-- they reveal subtleties and complexities that we might not have seen at first.

(I'm tickled that you enjoyed the ant lion haiku, too. I'm particularly happy with the word "reposed" in that one.)

Atticus *. Aug 7, 2009, 6:38pm EDT

That is what I so admire about good short poems and in particular short form japanese poems. A really good one often has a lot of staying power and grows in the mind. If the purpose of form poetry is to provide a framework for the poet to supersede, then the purpose of short poems is to become larger than their brevity in the reading.

James Ciriaco Aug 8, 2009, 4:55pm EDT

That's an excellent way of thinking about it, and just the appeal of short poetry for me. I can hold every word of a haiku in mind, turn it over as I go through the day. It becomes an experience, almost a concrete thing.

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Jennifer Lee Aug 7, 2009, 5:31pm EDT

I don't usually comment on political pieces, but I am going to give it a shot as Corinna suggested. I sense a theme today in a few poems and agree, we are naive. I enjoy your poem because it makes an impact in few words. That is the sign of a great poet. I wish the devastation would end, permanently. Best Tanka I've read in a while, James. Thank you for stretching my brain.

James Ciriaco Aug 7, 2009, 6:07pm EDT

I am all about the impact in few words these days. Thank you for noticing, Jennifer! I also appreciate your stepping out of your comfort zone to talk war and peace with me. Your comments are always welcome.

I understand that you're planning to stretch your brain further with a few famous poets on your upcoming trip. I wish you all the best, and hope that your reading will be fruitful.

Jennifer Lee Aug 7, 2009, 6:09pm EDT

You read Richard's piece, Child of War? He's amazing and we agree on so much. Thank you. :))

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Chris Brockman Aug 7, 2009, 9:11pm EDT

To war or not to war, that is the question.

I'm reading a history of WWI. This fits that situation explicitly, as I suppose, it does with most or all wars. We always get more than we bargained for (kind of like with politics, eh Jennifer?). This achieves one of the greatest aims of poetry, to get at a universal truth about life.

James Ciriaco Aug 8, 2009, 4:45pm EDT

Thank you for the kind words, Chris. You're right about World War I; it's the great twentieth-century example of a conflict that became more terrible than anyone feared. It changed the whole conception of warfare across Europe, and marked the beginning of a new era in thought.

Chris Brockman Aug 9, 2009, 1:36pm EDT

Yes, a new era in which war was recognized as a futile, brutal exercise, the culmination of centuries of tribal jockeying for ascendancy, religious hatred, and the exercise of power by those whose sole claim to esteem was having power. And it lasted how many years?

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Tory H. Aug 8, 2009, 11:51am EDT

Ooh. I love this one.

James Ciriaco Aug 8, 2009, 4:46pm EDT

Glad you like it, Tory. :)

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Granny Janny H. Aug 8, 2009, 3:19pm EDT

Yes, I remember this excellent tanka too. Please check your gather mail. I just sent you one referring to the Short form poetry dual.

James Ciriaco Aug 8, 2009, 4:48pm EDT

I've read your mail, Jan, and I'm flattered! I've submitted the duel thread to your groups. I hadn't thought of the exercise in those terms, but you're right: thus far it's been a good example of mutual inspiration.

Granny Janny H. Aug 9, 2009, 3:39am EDT

As well as some interesting poetry from the muse point of view.

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Ann M. (Site Scryer) Aug 8, 2009, 5:58pm EDT

"Barn's burnt down; now I can see the moon" (Basho)

Incredible poem, James.

All things are impermanent. The narrator's achieved enlightenment in five lines. I've no idea how you managed this.

James Ciriaco Aug 9, 2009, 11:12am EDT

That means a great deal coming from you, Ann. Thank you. I love the Basho poem, too! Here's the haiku I've been carrying around of late, by Issa:

Insects, why cry?
We all go
that way.

Ann M. (Site Scryer) Aug 11, 2009, 1:37pm EDT

Listen to the story told by the reed,
of being separated.

"Since I was cut from the reedbed,
I've made this crying sound."

Rumi (Who was notably fond of reed flutes).

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Susan Budig Aug 10, 2009, 4:13pm EDT

I've read this one again. James, I'm so curious about your experiences that lead to the lonely aching that this poem elicits that I want you to flat out tell me about them. But not really. It's more stirring to uncover your thoughts via your poetry.

James Ciriaco Aug 11, 2009, 1:56pm EDT

I'm afraid that my life is largely prosaic. If the poetry stands on its own, then I'm happy. I quite appreciate your stopping by, Susan, and your kind comment. :)

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Barbary Chaapel Aug 12, 2009, 11:25pm EDT

Atticus has spoken for me, too, in his first comment.

James, I consider this one of your very best poems.

James Ciriaco Aug 13, 2009, 11:53pm EDT

I am deeply flattered, Barbary. Your good opinion means a great deal. Thank you.

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Corinna Parr Aug 15, 2009, 12:31am EDT

It looks like the vote-bombers are striking again. Do you think he started new accounts, or had some that he was holding in reserve?

Nancy L. Aug 15, 2009, 8:46am EDT

Could be, or possibly one of the members who doesn't understand what happened and thinks Devaa/Durgaa is innocent and that we are persecuting them.

James Ciriaco Aug 15, 2009, 8:06pm EDT

I suspect it was Devaa again, but who knows. I've never worried much about the ratings of my articles.

Kushal Poddar Aug 16, 2009, 2:14am EDT

Ultimately truth shall win

James Ciriaco Aug 16, 2009, 1:49pm EDT

The truth is coming out, yes. Devaa's just unhappy about it. The trolling and low votes are well worth it.

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Mustafa Demiri Aug 15, 2009, 12:43am EDT

It seems your sabres
never hang too long before
they must be drawn agian.

I know there is one excessive syllable at the end there, but I had to use "again"

Written to celebrate the Poet Warrior and Vanquisher of the Plagiarist Army of Deeva the Irrational.

Somebody should write an epic

Mustafa Demiri Aug 15, 2009, 12:45am EDT

sorry had to delete the prior comment, and replace it. There was an embarrassing error on it. I can't believe I am still making them

James Ciriaco Aug 15, 2009, 8:10pm EDT

Thank you so much, Mustafa! I'm about ready to hang up this sabre again and move on, but I am honored that you'd think of me in these terms. I quite enjoyed your elegant poem.

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Kushal Poddar Aug 16, 2009, 2:05am EDT

The whisper of stories behind the screen of this amazing tanka is inspiring.

Kushal Poddar Aug 16, 2009, 2:14am EDT

even our fears
cannot bind us forever
we must prepare
to go out in the sun and till
war or peace, human must eat.

I wonder if I can post it in this duel

Kushal Poddar Aug 16, 2009, 2:16am EDT

In tanka I find the difference between kami-no-ku and shimo-no-ku are sometime ignored in English. But it is for the benefit of the poetry.

James Ciriaco Aug 16, 2009, 1:44pm EDT

A wonderful and thoughtful poem, Kushal. Thank you! I've divided the upper and lower phrases sharply in this tanka, but my reading suggests that the distinction is often softer, and sometimes nonexistent. I'm also not a stickler for syllable counts, although I like it when one observes long and short lines in tanka and haiku, as you've done here. It's really very good.

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