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by Emily C.

Member since:
November 18, 2008

Rude pregnancy comments cultivating sensitivity to others

August 05, 2009 11:08 AM UTC

views: 0 | 1 person recommends this | comments: 14

I'm definitely getting tired of all the pregnancy comments and the belly stares lately. Today I thought I'd venture out of the house.Â My daughterÂ and I went to a home decor store. While there a lady said

"well aren't you just ready to pop any day now". For one I just hate the term "ready to pop". To me it sounds like someone comparing something as special as a pregnancy to a balloon getting blown up bigger and bigger until it pops because it gets to0 huge! In my nicest voice I could muster up I said to the lady "actually I have 5 more weeks." I didn't want to sound rude so I added "getting close though!" Her next comment I didn't really know how to reply to she says

"Oh you poor thing". I know I must look terribly uncomfortable and I admit it is partially true I am pretty uncomfortable! I don't however feel sorry or feel that people should feel sorry for me either. I am thrilled to be pregnant and feel it is such an amazing miracle. I don't feel like I'm "a poor unfortunate soul" as Ursala from The Little Mermaid would say. I know people mean well most of the time but I just find it so insensitive that people think it's ok to tell you your huge when your pregnant. As if I'm not totally aware of this! If I go out in public I get the comment from almost everyone I talk to "when are you due". I look back now and realize that I'm guilty of saying this to other pregnant women. I will jot down in my memory bank to not ask other pregnant women their due date after they are 20 weeks pregnant or more. I will try to remember to be sensitive to others more often and think before saying things like "I was huge too when I was pregnant with my first child I gained 50 pounds". (to this comment made to me by someone I was thinking in my head "I must look like I have gained 50 pounds") .
Â
I have found that unless you are the person who is going through something directly you cannot know how another person is feeling and should not assume how they are feeling either. This goes for not just pregnancy of course. There is a wonderful article that was in the Ensign in June 2008 titled Cultivating Sensitivity to Others. The article was written by Andrea Worthington Snarr. I think it is a great article to remember.

I got this from a pregnancy website that emails updates to me on my pregnancy

Useful comebacks to rude pregnancy comments

â€¢ "At least I made somebody's heart and brain today. What did you do?"

â€¢ "You're huge too â€” and you don't have the excuse of

another person living inside you."

â€¢ "Go ahead, but I'm not touching yours."

Find more about: pregnancy

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1 person recommends this post

Fat Lester

Comments: 14

Holly~Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History~ C. Aug 5, 2009, 11:34am UTC

I've never understood why people think that it is ok for them to touch a stranger's pregnant belly. I did have a friend who was approached by a woman at the mall who wanted to touch her belly. The woman was with her husband. When the woman asked to touch my friend's belly she replied "Can I grab your husband's crotch?" Needless to say the woman did not touch my friend's belly. I've never gone through pregancy and I never will so I don't make remarks to pregnant women, especially strangers. I've allowed pregnant friends to sound off to me when they need someone to talk to but I'll never pretend to know what they are going through. The same goes for any situation that I have not been through.

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Cara D. Aug 5, 2009, 12:34pm UTC

Those "useful comebacks" are even ruder than the original statements. It's not necessarily RUDE for people to just ask how you are doing or make comments on an obvious pregnancy. Many people are just trying to be friendly.. it's really a comment on our society that this is viewed as rudeness & requires horrible, rude comebacks in return.

Kati Mills Aug 6, 2009, 2:57pm UTC

I think if it's rude to say to someone not pregnant, it is rude to say to a pregnant person. This includes things like "Wow, you're HUGE!" and "You must be having a girl, your butt has gotten really wide" and things of that nature.

Cara D. Aug 6, 2009, 3:04pm UTC

I don't think things like "Wow, you're huge," are rude, when they are *obviously* in reference to a pregnant belly! I mean, come on! Pregnant bellies usually *are* huge & it's obviously not intended as an insult.

Christina Goodwin Dec 31, 2011, 2:08am UTC

Whether or not it is "intended" as an insult, everyone knows that a pregnant woman is dealing with enough hormones to justify hurting an insensitive jerk who makes her feel worse than she probably already does. Is it not rude for someone to tell you that you look like crap when you obviously do? Would your feelings not be hurt if someone insulted you on an already bad day? It's jerks like you who make pregnant women feel ashamed of their bodies and their emotions. Just shut up.

Cara D. Dec 31, 2011, 2:18am UTC

Did you seriously just reply to a comment from over 2 YEARS ago to tell me I'm a jerk, and I should "just shut up"? Wow, thanks for your valuable input to a conversation that ended over 2 years ago. You rock & your commentary is both necessary & enlightening!

Charlene C. Dec 31, 2011, 2:22am UTC

Lmao.

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Kati Mills Aug 6, 2009, 2:54pm UTC

Oh man, when I was pregnant with my son I did not find out his sex, and total strangers seemed completely offended by this fact, like "WHAT?! But how will you know what color to paint the nursery?!" and even more shocked when I told them we weren't having a nursery.

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Emily C. Aug 8, 2009, 11:26am UTC

Thanks for all the comments. I agree that the combacks are rude. I would never actually say them, just thought they were kindof funny.

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Emily C. Aug 8, 2009, 11:29am UTC

Cara, true that people don't mean it as an insult. It is just hard when my neighbor is pregnant too and she is tiny cause she is taller and he baby is actually under the growth rate so when we are in the same room she gets "your so tiny" comments and I get "wow your huge" sometimes I think it's best to keep the comments nuetral.

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