by Tracy Fabre
Member since:
July 13, 2008

Island Tale #31: Fusion Cuisine

August 03, 2009 09:53 AM EDT
views: 122 | comments: 100

 

For yet another sunny Gather Island Tale, your silliness is hereby encouraged.

This week on the Island, everyone's thinking about food.  Problem is, this food only appears in combinations.  Which is to say, each comment should include a word made up of a combination of two actual foods, or refer to a previously-introduced food-combo word (sort of like last week's fake words Tale).

 

Words like... tomonion (tomato & onion) ...  squaliflower (Ann coined that one last week based on my lunch of squash and cauliflower) ... briezza (brie pizza)... marshnutbutter (marshmallow and peanutbutter)... you get the idea? Sure ya do.

 

WHEN YOU GET TO THE END OF THE THIRD LINE IN THE COMMENT BOX, STOP TYPING.

As usual, we'll go to 100, and the 100th comment must also include the phrase, "I'll have a plate of that, but hold the mustasagna!"

 

~  ~  ~

For a look at previous tales, click here.

For a list of PLACES on the Island, click HERE.

Click here for a Tale with the most recent CAST LIST.

*******  ALL ARE WELCOME to participate *******

Remember -- REFRESH often, and don't be offended if your comment is removed because it either doesn't fit the previous comment (whatever that is), or simultaneous comments were entered and one works better than yours.  We have all deleted our own comments at one time or another.

Oh, and join Gather Island too!

P.P.S. PLEEEEASE DO NOT 'REPLY TO COMMENT'. Just do reg'lar, old-fashioned comments. Thanky!

 

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Comments: 100 ( 1 removed by Tracy Fabre )

Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 9:53am EDT
It was time for the annual cook-off! Contestants would come to the What's For Dinner Diner all day to drop off entries, and see who would beat out last year's winner-- Doug's Baked Tomonion Dip & Fritillas. He was cocky, and Vivian thought he needed a smackdown, so
ann c. Aug 3, 2009, 10:49am EDT
she had been up late all week going through her cookbooks and trying to come up with a winning recipe. So far she had narrowed her choices down to Green Onimater Pie, Cherryberry Cobbler or Choconut Surprise. She was still trying to decide when Peter came in
Bunny B. Aug 3, 2009, 11:09am EDT
with a tray of delicacies in all sorts of arrangements. Peter had a big smile on his face as he tried to coax Vivian into trying the Sweetbreadologna and the Couscoqavin. But Vivian was not to be talkedinto anything that looked like "that". She opted to try something off of his desert tray, the
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 12:14pm EDT
Banamocha Pie. "Marvy," she declared, plotting at once to surpass him as well. The owner of the What's For Dinner Diner, as yet unidentified in Island Tale lore, stepped up to claim Peter's tray, whisking it away efficiently. Peter said, "My experiment with spinccoli didn't
Susan G. Aug 3, 2009, 12:24pm EDT
quite come out properly. Susan entered with her s'moresoleons and blackberry cobbleconnoli. Susan is all about dessert, you know. But then Doug came in with his standing ribrice and jaws and forks dropped like so many
ann c. Aug 3, 2009, 12:35pm EDT
stones. Susan had left her signature dish, cream horncakes at home, not knowing how many dishes could be entered at once. Ann arrived with her entries, Kumcuckberry pie and Tatermateroni. Ann placed her dishes on the judges table and looked around for Tracy who
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 12:39pm EDT
was laughing in the corner. "Don't worry about me, I'm finishing up my chibeefy enchilitos. I'll be up to the counter in a minute." Doug was disdainful. "You can't beat out my ribrice." Vivian muttered, "I can, buster," and the Mysterious Owner had to separate them before they
Bunny B. Aug 3, 2009, 12:46pm EDT
began a food fight. Bunny was concerned that maybe Tracy would not find anything else appetizing so she brought along a long standing favorite, cheepopcornip and some dorillos for dipping. But she couldn't decide about the main entree, redeyemeatolini or turkenballs, so she
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 1:20pm EDT
combined them into redeyeballmeatenturkolini, and everyone gasped when they saw it. "Bunny," Doug whispered in awe, "incredible!" She nodded modestly, and then Lance came in with a jug of Tomonion Jalachile Poblapollo. "I might not do salsa anymore," he said, "but
ann c. Aug 3, 2009, 1:43pm EDT
there's no limit on juices!!! Vivian was still trying to decide what to make. She went back to her bar, lounge and carwash determined to make a fabulous dish that would beat Doug's ribrice. Rico
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 1:50pm EDT
came in and asked why no one was using " any more to end speech, but no one heard him since he forgot to put "s around his question. "Is anyone making peas-a-roni this year? Or potacorn casserole? Last year, I had to go to the ER in a carbo-coma." Lance said, "Well, I
Grems 'gremlin' Aug 3, 2009, 2:10pm EDT
do declare! I wonder if any of you would like to try my zuchimato stir fry with toasted garion and roasted cornish duck." Grems entered and asked, "Are there any chocomarshbutter cookies? I would really like a dessert."
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 9:51pm EDT
Tracy muttered to Lance, "Why did you just go all southern belle on us?" before greeting Grems and pointing to the tray of desserts. "Did you make your famous goulatouille?" Grems shook her head. "I ran out of ratlash," she said dejectedly. "But I did make the
Mark Jepsen Aug 3, 2009, 11:45pm EDT
Island beerbread" Grems said, excitedly. "I love it because the Danes say 'øl' for beer, and 'Ø' for island, so see... it's 'Ø øl brød!' Isn't that just sooo cool!" This yielded only blank stares, so she quickly added, "Did I ever tell you about my Danish friend who pronounces 'peanuts' as 'penis?' You sure don't want to hear what she calls a PB & J!" That image really
Tracy Fabre Aug 3, 2009, 11:59pm EDT
set a tone Lance could only guffaw at, if he were a guffawing kinda guy, which, okay, he is, especially when he's hopped up on I Can't Believe It's Not Salsa™. Tracy said, "I had a Danish friend once. He used to make croissastry, and served with with strawpe jelly." Then
Mark Jepsen Aug 4, 2009, 1:24am EDT
William Frawley popped in from the Gather Peanut-(not Penis)-Gallery© and delivered a massive batch of really orange Macamole. This confused people, since orange is a color and a fruit, and William Frawley is STILL dead. Predictably, Tracy really really liked the color, but gave pause as she noted the sheer quantity of guacapasta. "Where in the world
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 1:32am EDT
is Carmen Sandiego?" she asked Mr. Frawley.

But he only growled, "What do I look like, a hound dog?" before he swiped a serving of Bunny's redeyeballmeatenturkolini and took off again, nearly colliding with the arriving Mark, who
Mark Jepsen Aug 4, 2009, 1:45am EDT
had just discovered several more pairs of his missing pants beneath the canned heat supply cabinet. (Don't ask.) "I'm here for the Ø ølbrød!" he announced. "Any left?" Tracy couldn't help but laugh because Mark's face looks sort of walrus-like when he says 'Ø or øl.' "Tee hee" tittered Tracy, "I've never
ann c. Aug 4, 2009, 10:41am EDT
noticed until now that you look walrus-like, coo coo ca choo, or whatever the heck Lennon said." Several other islanders brought in concoctions for the contest. Then the "Judge" entered. He walked up to the table of dishes and proclaimed, "I,
Susan G. Aug 4, 2009, 11:07am EDT
--but Tracy interrupted "I think I must be sick! I must be, for I have never tee-heed in my life! I always cackle! I think I must have eaten some bad fusifood! Oh dear, I am talking with all exclamation points! I don't know which fusifood can have caused my distress! I--gack! urk!
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 11:55am EDT
Help!" so crying, Tracy collapsed in a chair, nearly inconsolable at both teeheeing and tittering in the same moment. "I obviously," she sobbed, "need some TLC!"

Mark asked, "Tiramilimconut?" while hurriedly putting on his pants. Ann said, "Look, buddy,
ann c. Aug 4, 2009, 12:15pm EDT
(to no one in particular) let's have some order around here. I believe the Judge was about to make an announcement." Rico rushed out from behind the bar with a concoction of his own to revive the collasped Tracy. It was his special, Ruwineginwisk. Tracy took one
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 2:00pm EDT
sip and gagged, then passed out, because she couldn't handle liquor unless it was in a sissy drink, like a Tomgarita or a Sloe Ginmaretto. "So," Rico said nervously, "what's this about a judge?" Then he ran away while the others tried to revive Tracy, who
ann c. Aug 4, 2009, 2:33pm EDT
could not be revived until Ann waved a photo Bobby Sherman (the early years) in front of Tracy's face. Bill walked in on the "revivial" and handed Tracy a note from Roarke. Tracy quickly read the note then handed it to the "Judge" who announced to those assembled, "
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 3:46pm EDT
...There is a message for you on the pigeon." The judge, who had slipped in the back door while no one was looking, turned to the pigeon on the windowsill of the diner. "What?" The pigeon bobbed its head, looked lustfully at the Banamocha Pie, and
Susan G. Aug 4, 2009, 4:10pm EDT
stuck out its left leg upon which a small capsule-type container was attached. The as-yet-to-be-named judge reached for the capsule only to be poked in the eye by a wingtip. "You don't get this until I've had a jamocseed shake, Bub! People! They're a poorly mannered
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 4:22pm EDT
blight on the planet!" The irate pigeon was mollified only by the swift delivery of a jamocseed shake by Mysterious Also-Unnamed Diner Owner, and while he was slurping, the Judge took the capsule and read the message inside. "There is a message for you on
ann c. Aug 4, 2009, 4:45pm EDT
the bottom of Doug's ribrice dish." Mysterious Judge began to look through the dishes on the counter but could not find Doug's. (While everyone was listening to the pigeon ramble on Vivian had removed Doug's ribrice and replaced it with her Creme-de-la-cremeaulatte Surprise.)
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 5:22pm EDT
Doug began to huff. "Where is my ribrice dish, in its special ribrice DISH?" He glared at Vivian. Vivian looked angelic (hey, sometimes that approach worked). "Have some Cremeaulatte?" But Doug was enraged, and reached over to
ann c. Aug 4, 2009, 6:37pm EDT
ruffle David's ruff, which had just been cleaned and starched. Doug then started moving dishes around searching for his ribrice. Dishes began sliding and soon they were falling off the counter onto the floor. Peter walked by and stepped in a large glop of matertatertart, he


surreptitiously sprinkle a few hot pepper flakes into her dish, thus creating Hot Pot Cremeaulatte.... but he was frustrated by the Judge who, mouth full of someone's Chocogravy Marshquits (biscuits w/ chocolate gravy and marshmallows), was unable to
Leo Lemmer Aug 4, 2009, 7:10pm EDT
Spit it out fast enough, took a quick sip of cocapep and peptoaalox and then said,
Grems 'gremlin' Aug 4, 2009, 7:24pm EDT
" What on earth is this?" Peter quickly wiped the matertatertart off the bottom of his foot before is squished between his toes and flinged the paper towel at the Judge who remarked, "Brocolnip is horrible and bitter. Who can fix this dish?"
Tracy Fabre Aug 4, 2009, 10:11pm EDT
Suddenly, a caped superhero burst into the room, dislodging the pigeon's jamocseed shake, upsetting various onlookers, and completely destroying the first three stools at the counter. "Have no fear! Captain Dish Fixer is here!" Bill, Chief of Island Security, said, "Sarah, what are you doing in that cape?"
ann c. Aug 5, 2009, 10:35am EDT
"Well" Sarah began, "since I've quit smoking I needed a hobby to take my mind off cigarettes and this is it." Sarah quickly cleaned up all the dishes and restored them to their "original" order. Doug quickly found his ribrice and looked on the bottom, there was a note
Tracy Fabre Aug 5, 2009, 3:09pm EDT
which said, "Please exit the building." He read it aloud, so of course they all obeyed. In a large disorganized group outside the Diner, they turned to Bill for guidance (Tracy wasn't allowed to talk to Bill so she was hiding). Capt. Dish Fixer said, "The mochacocotart is delish!" but Bill said
ann c. Aug 5, 2009, 4:26pm EDT
"Someone is sending us a warning and until I can investigate further everyone should go to Vivian's Bar." Bill spoke with such authority that even the Mysterious Judge and the equally Mysterious Diner Owner
Susan G. Aug 5, 2009, 4:31pm EDT
said simultaneously"I prefer Susan's blackberry cobbleconnoli. I love a good cobbleconnoli!" Susan smirked at Doug which started a smirk-war involving all involved. Tracy peeked out from her hiding place to take some video to post on Gather and to use as ammunition when
Tracy Fabre Aug 5, 2009, 4:34pm EDT
suddenly Bill said, "HEY! We gotta GO!"

"What about the food?" Doug protested. "I can't leave my ribrice undefended!" Bill assured him the building would be hermetically sealed (with a new gizmo Lance had developed), and while they watched, the gizmo
ann c. Aug 5, 2009, 4:42pm EDT
completely surrounded the What's For Dinner Diner with shrink-wrap and all the dishes therein. The group then made its way toward Vivian's where the juke box was playing, yep you guessed it,
Tracy Fabre Aug 5, 2009, 5:08pm EDT
Marinate Me, Baby, In the Soy Sauce Of Your Love, the latest hit by Kumquat May & The Apple Tartcakes. Vivian and Doug were both very tense about their contest entries, but David, heretofore only mentioned by way of his ruff, suggested they arm-wrestle to
Jan C. Aug 5, 2009, 5:10pm EDT
"...if you like penacolada..."

As soon as Tracy sat at the bar she said, "I need a fuzzy navel!"
ann c. Aug 5, 2009, 5:15pm EDT
Meanwhile David repeated his suggestion that to settle the whole matter Doug and Vivian should arm-wrestle since each of their dishes were now shrink-wrapped in the diner. Unbeknownst (not the band) to those present Vivian was the arm-wrestling champion of Yakima, Washington. Doug
Tracy Fabre Aug 5, 2009, 5:22pm EDT
was up to the challenge, but asked if he could wear his drool bib just in case. Lance whispered, "You know Vivian works out, right? And she's got the roboknee?" Doug said, "Pish. She can't arm-wrestle with her knee, Surfer King." Lance backed off and
Jan C. Aug 5, 2009, 5:27pm EDT
began mixing fuzzy navels for the entire group.
ann c. Aug 5, 2009, 5:38pm EDT
Vivian and Doug sat down to begin the contest. Just as Doug clasped Vivian's hand a gust of wind blew open the front door to the bar and there stood a mysterious stranger holding a large


Tracy Fabre Aug 5, 2009, 5:46pm EDT
naval. "Um, you spelled that wrong," Tracy pointed out carefully. "I did not," the 3rd mysterious person declared, and held out three model ships and a toy deck prism. "Oh, sorry," Tracy said, taking her fuzzy navel to the corner to avoid Bill. The stranger held out the deck prism for all to admire, and then spoke.
Mark Jepsen Aug 6, 2009, 3:46pm EDT
"I've been in a refractive mood lately," he said without introduction. Bill thought there was a suspicious angle to his inflection, but kept that notion to himself for the time being. The 3rd stranger continued, "and it strikes me as a bit odd there's no asiancajun japanbalaya in this
Tracy Fabre Aug 6, 2009, 5:08pm EDT
contest, and I represent a contingent of Asian Cajuns who want to stage a protest. They're proposing a sit-in at the Diner."

Doug spluttered, "Sure! They'll eat up all our food!" Bill reminded him of the hermetic seal, and Lance added defiantly, "Nobody gets through my Lanceplastic® without a
Mark Jepsen Aug 6, 2009, 6:00pm EDT
set of the finest Ginsu Japanbalaya Asian Cajun knives ($99.95 retail, but they can be yours for only 4 easy payments of $24.99!)"

It was then that Bill noticed the 3rd Stranger was carrying an authentic Hattori Honzo Katana sword under his cloak, and he leapt at the stranger shouting, "there'll be no
Tracy Fabre Aug 6, 2009, 6:22pm EDT
slicing and dicing here, bud! You're no Michael Nesmith Live At The Vegematic!" He wrestled the 3rd stranger to the ground and Lance sat on him while Bill searched his pockets for ID. After discarding the contraband jujuwhoppers, Bill
Mark Jepsen Aug 6, 2009, 6:52pm EDT
realized that Vivian and Doug were still holding hands! "What are you two waiting for?" Bill inquired impatiently. "I'm trying to make sure there's no possibility of a Kill Bill Part 3 and you're holding hands!"

Doug looked at Vivian sheepishly, while she slurped her fuzzy navel from a special flocked Naval Academy glass. Suddenly, Doug jumped up from his chair shouting,
Tracy Fabre Aug 6, 2009, 7:05pm EDT
"Stop flocking around! I'm tired of all these flock-ups!" They stared at him until he sat down quietly and asked for a fresh glass of appliwi juice.

"You okay there, bud?" Vivian asked him with a faint smirk. "Ready to lose to the arm-wrestling champion of Yakima? You know I
Mark Jepsen Aug 6, 2009, 8:09pm EDT
enjoy watching a man tremble like porkpiepuddin' in his boots!" Her smirk was now a broad grin, and Doug realized that Vivian had somehow slipped on a tooth grill of solid gold!

"What th'?" Doug started to say, but Tracy quickly interjected
Tracy Fabre Aug 6, 2009, 11:58pm EDT
an interrobang -- ??!! -- and everyone fell silent. Bill said, "Something's gotten into you people. Mild-mannered Doug and Vivian, neither of you is normally so ... so ..."

"Borderline homicidal?" Ann suggested, and Bill allowed as how that was a good term. "You know, I saw them both sneaking sips of #41 back at the Diner."

"What's #41?" Bill asked, while Doug and Vivian looked guilty, and Ann told him
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 6:48am EDT
"some Islanders have magical powers, and are thus able to track ethereal chronolocolological stuff... such as the things people say... as though they were somehow (again, magically) grouped into discrete packets that might be called 'comments'..."

"Pffft!" Bill interrobanged(!) "That's CRAZY talk!"

Everyone shrugged and allowed as how it did sound a bit "out there." Vivian took another surreptitious sip of an even fuzzier fuzzy navel (in the frocked Naval glass) and suddenly disappeared under the
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 11:47am EDT
table. Seriously. They looked, and she was gone.

"Damn magic!" Bill complained. "Now we have to call in the the Anti-Island-Magic Recovery Crew to find her!" He sighed. "Can I have a daiquirita before I make the call?" Ann suggested,
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 12:27pm EDT
that they contact Susan, aka Thereness, and have her zap the above comments and begin the Tale over from the start, however, no one wanted to do that so Ann ordered a frocked or is it flocked Naval glass of fuzzy navel and sat quietly in the corner while
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 12:33pm EDT
sulking. Tracy gave her a bowl of cheese popchipnuts. "There, there, Ann. It was just a temporary diversion. Now, apart from Vivian being missing, we still have a hermetically sealed Diner, a fusion cuisine contest on hold, and all we need is for you to get us back on track. K?" Ann thought about it, and said
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 2:51pm EDT
"Uh, ok. First unseal the diner, get everyone back over there including Mysterious Owner and Mysterious Judge, let Bill handle Mysterious Stranger and his prism, stop the arm-wrestling and get on with the contest. Ann slumped back in her chair and called for Rico to bring another fuzzy navel. Lance
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 2:58pm EDT
randomly changed icons and then went ahead of the others to unseal the Diner. They eventually followed, bringing along their drinks: Slurpslushes, Fuzzy Elbows, Margacoladas, sloe gin-ade, jello near-misses, and iced tea-fees. Lance pressed a few secret codes into the de-hermetifier, chanted in Klingon, and with a whoosh, the diner was
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 4:36pm EDT
unsealed and re-airified with a flourish of Island aromas. Lance admired his work as he sneaked an extra jigger of Absolut® vodka into his drink, rendering it an Absolut®ly Flocking Naval Navel. He also tossed in a stray end quote (") that had somehow been misplaced.

"Let's get this party started!" shouted the Mysterious Judge as he nudged the Mysterious Owner. "It's time we reminded ourselves what the
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 4:44pm EDT
flock we came here for." Upon hearing the word "flock" Chicken walked in the diner and was pleased to note there were no dishes containing chicken in the contest. Chicken quietly made her exit out the back door of the diner as Peter
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 5:02pm EDT
randomly threw "s around like confetti.

The Mysterious Judge said, "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gordon Emeril Wolfgang 'Julia' Boyardee. My background in fusion cuisine is strengthened by having been given the names of many famous chefs, although I myself do not cook and don't even
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 5:13pm EDT
have one of those goofy hats! My role here is strictly that of judging the Fusion Cuisine entree entries while maintaining a haughty arrogance and, more importantly, distancing myself from the little people." His eyes remained affixed upon a platter of matzoritos.

Everyone nodded in subdued acceptance, avoiding eye contact with him as they
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 5:20pm EDT
took their seats. This time, it was the Mysterious Owner who stopped the proceedings. "Allow me to introduce myself as well." But Lance said no, so he got quiet again. If he was even a he. No one really knew. Might have been the fact the he/she was clothed, head to toe, in a mauve cloak, wearing dark glasses and gloves, and spoke using a voice moderator thingy. After mentioning a fused food item, Lance told the
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 5:22pm EDT
assembled group that he would be assisting the judge by carrying the dishes. Having made that announcement Lance picked up Doug's ribrice and proceeded to "accidently" drop it right on Gordon's
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 5:33pm EDT
head, because he was accidentally standing on a ladder he'd accidentally dragged over to the food tables and accidentally climbed up on.

"HEY!" roared Doug. "OW!" roared Gordon.

"I found Vivian!" Bill yelled, racing into the Diner. "And she needs
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 5:39pm EDT
help carrying her entry." Bill, Lance and the Mysterious Diner Owner went to help Vivian. Gordon went to the kitchen to remove Doug's ribrice from his well-groomed head and the rest of the crowd milled around waiting, waiting, waiting for
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 5:47pm EDT
something to happen. Once Lance and MDO were on the beach with Bill, he explained that Vivian had actually been caught in a frightening, interdimensional space-time-rip-room chamber of unspeakably horrifying dangers.

"Well, what do we do?" asked MDO in a panic.

Bill shrugged. "Nothing. She kicked her way out and she's fine. She'll be here in a minute with
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 5:59pm EDT
her entree entry. I heard a rumor that she made her special pureed ratatouille bastiche pastiche... it's legendary!" MDO and Bill waited for Vivian's return.

Ann was busy trying to figure out where Tracy had been (in the plot) for the last 15 or 20 comments, and
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 5:59pm EDT
that's all there is to that, since Mark hadn't been mentioned since putting on his pants about 50 comments back. She decided to go back to arranging her entries, Kumcuckberry pie and Tatermateroni, and that's when it happened. And no one could believe it. Really. It was that shocking. It was
Kris M. Aug 7, 2009, 6:06pm EDT
the UPS guy, delivering Tracy's soup! She opened the door and said
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 6:23pm EDT
"You're FINALLY here!" with pronounced annoyance.

"Hi! I have a package for you!" he replied. Tracy noted the slightly leering smile on his face, and accidentally grabbed a large vase of wet wet water that she accidentally walked across the room to pick up and then accidentally spilled down his short pants.

"Oh dear!" she exclaimed innocently, and batted her eyelash coyly. "Can you possibly
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 6:24pm EDT
forgive me?" Then she cackled the cackle of madness, shrieked, "It's about time you got here, you slithy tove! And don't you gyre and gimble at me, you... you... you... frumious Bandersnatch!"

The UPS guy threw the soup down, ran away, and later forged her signature, for his own safety. Then Tracy sedately joined the others at the Diner, where
ann c. Aug 7, 2009, 6:41pm EDT
Gordon had cleaned up his act and his head and was busy tasting, spooning (no not THAT kind of spooning) forking, knifing and generally gobbling down dishes right and left and making notes about
Mark Jepsen Aug 7, 2009, 7:09pm EDT
the entreating entree entries (and also about how it had taken 78 comments to get the contest started! He decided that these Islanders are just wacky!) El Gordo's tasting technique was mysterious, sometimes involving what appeared to be a "snorting" process, followed by
Tracy Fabre Aug 7, 2009, 9:36pm EDT
apparent paroxysms of ecstasy (sometimes kinda creepy). He worked his way through the categories of fusion cuisine: beverages like shake-a-cinos & spritzades, meat dishes like Bunny's redeyeballmeatenturkolini, veggie dishes like caulibean saffraghetti, ethnic dishes like briezza, and of course, Doug's ribrice and Vivian's pureed ratatouille bastiche pastiche.

Then, turning to face them, he passed out.
Mark Jepsen Aug 8, 2009, 1:39am EDT
Bill rushed over to make sure Gordon wasn't choking. His breathing confirmed, Bill checked for a pulse and, though rapid, it was strong. "Probably overwhelmed by one of those ecstatic paroxysms, I figure... smelling salts!" Bill commanded as he grabbed a slice of briezza.

The MDO came running
ann c. Aug 8, 2009, 10:21am EDT
from the kitchen, seems one of the dishes waiting to be judged had oozed onto a still hot stove and now a fire had started. MDO could not find anything to put on the fire so he just ran. Bill quickly grabbed a
Tracy Fabre Aug 8, 2009, 12:05pm EDT
inflatable bat and bopped him on the head. "Snap out of it!" he yelled. MDO gathered his /her/its mauve cape tightly and stood quietly in the corner. Lance contained the fire, Bill revived El Gordo, Doug guarded his ribrice, and Chicken walked back through because she could.

"I smell
ann c. Aug 8, 2009, 12:24pm EDT
cheese popcorn," Tracy said to anyone who was listening. Gordon resumed his taste-testing and when every dish had been tasted he consulted his notes and said, "I will now announce the winner though
Tracy Fabre Aug 8, 2009, 12:31pm EDT
I should warn you, you may not understand."

Vivian growled, "Why not?"

Gordon smiled. "Because it'll be in Czech. Vítěz je Bunny pro její červeného masa oka Turecko těstoviny." Then he scooped up as many dishes as he could carry, and ran like hell.

"What did he say?" howled Doug, and
ann c. Aug 8, 2009, 12:43pm EDT
Chicken replied, "Braawwwk."

Doug chased Gordon round and round the diner until both slumped over on the floor exhausted. Vivian just stood back and laughed knowing that Gordon could not speak Czech and had really said,
Tracy Fabre Aug 8, 2009, 12:47pm EDT
"Le vainqueur est l'agitation de tomate de courgette de la Lance frit avec l'oignon d'ail grillé et le canard cornique rôti!" Then she realized she STILL hadn't won, and tried to pummel Gordon. Bill had to pull her off of him, and
Mark Jepsen Aug 8, 2009, 11:46pm EDT
with no warning whatsoever, the returned Chicken and jumped into the fray, frantically fluttering her flimsy wings in Gordon's face. "Who's been agitating my Cornish cousin! Leave her tomatoes alone!" she clucked with impressively angry effect (for a chicken!)

At that moment
Tracy Fabre Aug 8, 2009, 11:55pm EDT
Susan, aka Thereness, strolled in (if she was already there; never mind about that), and blew a large loud whistle. "Chaos must stop!" she commanded, in every known language simultaneously. "The winner of the fusion cuisine contest is Bunny. Lance's agitated tomatoes are tasty but that was just a bad translation. Bunny! Step forward and
Mark Jepsen Aug 9, 2009, 12:54am EDT
accept your award!" Bunny worked her way through the Islanders and stood before them, feeling the surprisingly warming glow of their accolades and appreciation. "Oops! I forgot to blow out the cans of sterno!" said Rico, apologizing from behind the food table. Bunny felt
Tracy Fabre Aug 9, 2009, 3:38pm EDT
a sort of ennui envelop her, until MDO said, "Erm, sorry," and backed away. "I'm so honored!" Bunny said snifflingly, "and not just because you like -- you really like -- my redeyeballmeatenturkolini! It's just so amazing to win out over Doug and Vivian! Not to gloat or anything, okay, maybe a little, but who
Mark Jepsen Aug 9, 2009, 6:57pm EDT
cares! I'm the WINNER!!! I WON! Heeheheeeeheeheee!!" As Bunny made the most of her 'moment', Lance approached from behind carrying a serving dish not previously seen in the contest. Without warning he lifted the dish of creamedchutneyrelish with a flourish, saying "Relish this(!) in your special moment!" In less than Island Eyeblink, Bunny was
Tracy Fabre Aug 9, 2009, 10:23pm EDT
flopping on the floor like a fish on a dirt road in Alabama, shrieking about talons and mochacocotarts in padded rooms filled with green-faced chinchillas.

Susan looked down at her. "Stop that at once," she said, "or I'll
Mark Jepsen Aug 9, 2009, 11:42pm EDT
be forced to disqualify you for unsportsmanlike floundering! And as for you, Lance, I'm giving you a YELLOW CARD! One more stunt like that and you're outtahere!"

Lance shrugged and poured some Peach Snaps into his fuzzy navel, and then wondered out loud where his drink was. Susan was still vividly livid and
Susan G. Aug 9, 2009, 11:59pm EDT
exasperated, but in an elegant, ladylike, understated kind of way. Susan is always elegant. So she elegantly snapped her fingers and all the alcohol disappeared. "This Tale has become entirely too tipsy! You all need to sober up and concentrate on the food. Let's all try some of the runners-up! This baked macandcheezits cassehotpot looks
Tracy Fabre Aug 10, 2009, 12:29am EDT
nummy!" She was a tad embarrassed about using the word 'nummy', but forgot that when she realized half the Islanders were staring at her very sadly. "What is it?"

"No drinkies?" Tracy asked pathetically. "I only drink about once a year but even I don't want the stuff gone forever." Others echoed this sentiment, as Lance would have if he'd been conscious, and Susan said, "Oh, fine, but
ann c. Aug 10, 2009, 10:33am EDT
I'm going to limit all of you to one drink per Island Tale, and that's an 8 ounce limit with 4 ounces of alcohol, missy." The Islanders were still unhappy but Susan is well, Susan so they knew not to grumble too much. Doug
Susan G. Aug 10, 2009, 10:54am EDT
understood the need for the limit. He knew that the Tales tended to ramble enough without turning into drunken rambles. So he happily tucked into a goodly serving of marshmallemonut pie. Tracy shrugged and picked up her own fork to
Mark Jepsen Aug 10, 2009, 1:16pm EDT
forage among the finalists' entrees. "Where's that cheese popcorn?!" asked Tracy.

"Check, please!" said Vaclav, who no one had noticed before, and was now getting ready to leave.

"Kde je ten sýr popcorn?" said Tracy again, obligingly, though now annoyed 'cuz she still hadn't found it. "Oh! If
ann c. Aug 10, 2009, 2:09pm EDT
I can't have cheese popcorn, give me salsatortaroni." She continued to scrounge among the entrees as Vaclav, who no one had noticed before, wandered over to Lance who was slowly