Energy drinks are bad, m'kay? (a few LOLs included)

Just a quick note - the LOLs included in this post are LOLs I wrote and have saved in my icanhascheezburger.com account. I'm not including the full disclaimer because this is not a Kitty LOL post.

Being bipolar, I very, very rarely use energy supplements. I learned the hard way that they don't always do good things for me. Even my (at the time) eight year old figured out that the ultimate reaction I had was not energy gain.
In college, my energy drink was the original version of Jolt Cola - all of the sugar, and twice the caffeine. At that age, my body was able to compensate for the draining effects of too much caffeine, but at one point I did lose the ability to sleep for a full two weeks. Two weeks of sleep deprivation gets you to the point of paranoia, hallucinations, and other horrible experiences. My roommate and another friend forcibly helped get me back on track (and yes, I am grateful, though I doubt I showed it that night), and forbade me to ever drink nine Jolts in the same night again (as if they had to... I never want to suffer two weeks of insomnia again!)
The only other time I found the need to regularly consume any kind of energy drink was a few years ago, when I was working three different jobs in three different cities, none of which was within thirty miles of the others. Well, that's not entirely accurate, either. The third job, wedding photography with my brother's business, was in a different location every weekend; I've traveled all over Ohio, eastern Indiana, and northern Kentucky shooting weddings. That was job number three; job number two was an adjunct teaching job (Information Technology 121, digital photography, of course) at Wright State University's Lake Campus in Celina, Ohio. I live in Riverside, a suburb of Dayton. The drive was 80 miles. Job number one was a Monday through Saturday (except when I had weddings, which are also usually on Saturdays) part-time position at the place where I am now training for lower management. I'd work from ten in the morning until two in the afternoon at the convenience store, make the fifteen minute drive home and change clothes at lightening speed (can't wear blue jeans to teach a college class!), grab the bag in which my son's pajamas had been packed the night before, and then rush to the bus stop to get him. As soon as he was off the bus, we were off to Saint Marys, where I would drop him off with my parents on the way to the college. After class, I'd have questions from my students, then rush home to get my son, who would be in the pajamas we'd packed. I'd make his "nest" in the back seat - a bunch of pillows strategically placed so that he could be in a restful position without compromising his seat belt (safety first!) - then get him into the car and drive home. By the time we got home, he'd be so fast asleep, he wouldn't even wake when I carried him into the house.

During the summer, when Raven was at my parents' house, I wasn't as rushed on Mondays because of the bus, but because I missed him and wanted to get to Saint Marys early enough to spend a little time with him. Those days were just as frantic and rushed as on school days. Then, my co-worker who did the morning part of our shift went on vacation, and I had my first 56 hour week at work, followed by a Sunday photo shoot.
I got through it all right, but her vacation was two weeks long. Monday of the second week, my butt was dragging. I knew a cup of coffee wasn't going to wake me up. I couldn't drink a bunch of coffee, because I'd get jittery, then crash right when I had to drive up north. Interstate route 75 is not a good place to drive while exhausted.
One of my co-workers suggested an energy drink, and I bought two because they were on a "twofer" sale (as in, if you only buy one, you don't get the discount). Besides, the green claw marks on the can looked kind of cool.
Whatever. O.o
Drinking something like this without first researching the ingredients was a total break from my rules (I am sensitive to a lot of stuff) but I was desperate. I figured if I drank it slowly, I'd know if it was going to do any harm. It took me the entire eight hour shift to finish the first can. It was nasty tasting, so it really wasn't that hard to pace myself. It was not at all tempting to slam that drink!
I was ok for most of my shift, though near the end of it I got really, really hungry. I'm used to having a high metabolism, so that did not freak me out... I solved the problem with four jumbo dogs and a bag of chips, consumed on the way home with the first half of the second drink.
I shouldn't have had the second drink.
I really shouldn't have had the second drink.
The drive north was fine, and I got through the first half of my three hour class without much of a problem, but when it hit time for my students' restroom/smoke break, the jitters were back. I gave them thirty minutes instead of fifteen, and raided the vending machine. I'd finished the energy drink and was halfway through my huge mug of water, purchased at the convenience store where I work - it holds sixty-four ounces. During the second half of my class, I had to work very hard not to speak in fast-forward. Since it was still light outside, I scrapped the slide show I was going to use and took the students outside to demonstrate the compositional strategies I'd gone over. It was probably better to have them shoot and look at their work than to show them mine, anyway.
I managed to remain sensible in front of my class. That was a miracle. It took every ounce of energy I had to avoid behaving like Daffy Duck instead.
Wah-hOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
It felt like maybe I could go running across the lake without sinking, because I'd be able to move fast, like a skipping stone.
The effect from the energy drink continued to build up throughout the evening. By the time I headed back to Riverside, I was in a state of hyper-alertness that made it impossible to concentrate on anything. Every color was startlingly vivid, every sound too loud, every sensation overstimulating.


Driving like that was probably not the wisest thing I ever did. I wasn't going to have an accident from not noticing what was going on around me... that was no problem, as I was now noticing every little thing... but if I was ever going to be overtaken by real road rage (I'm usually the chicken who finds an exit, instead... road rage is scary!) it would have been that night. Bad temper is one of my Bipolar Manic symptoms. It's something I've learned to control, or at least I've learned to control the behavior it inspires, but I can still feel it lurking under the surface. Keeping it down is a big fight for me. Fortunately, I didn't have to fight that battle, because unlike what happens to me during a genuine manic episode, during the energy drink reaction, my temper remained mild.
I turned the radio off, something I never do, because I couldn't put it on my mind's back burner. To understand how bad that is, know that I am a habitual multi-tasker. I don't do one thing at a time unless that one thing is an activity involving my kids (not because I can't multi-task then, but because I don't want to.) I'm not going to text and drive, but don't drive without the radio, and I often have food and/or a beverage in the car.
The hour drive seemed to take an eternity. It is fortunate for me that my van has cruise control, because sixty-five miles per hour felt like a snail's pace. Without either cruise control or proper vigilance, I'm afraid I would have been barreling down the highway in my ugly rustbucket, zooming around the other cars like it was a race instead of a trip home. I kept checking the speedometer to see if the cruise had skipped and I had slowed down. It hadn't skipped, but it sure felt like it.


At home, I couldn't sleep. I had gotten up so tight, I couldn't unwind, just like in the song. I got back up, ate another full meal at one o'clock in the morning, and "photoshopped" pictures one one computer while playing video games on another and penning horribly bad poetry (which is now rotting in the local landfill) until four A.M., when I had to get ready for work. Since Brian also had to be up for his job, I put in a load of laundry before getting dressed. I ate a full breakfast, skipping the coffee and going for decaff instead, and drove to the convenience store.
The effects from the energy drink should have worn off by this point, and probably would have in a healthy person. I, however, am not normal. I have a chemical imbalance that causes mood swings and insomnia. I had set that imbalance off. My body decided I'd sinned, and I must be punished.

All through the first half of my day, I was on fast forward, and constantly eating. I made too much food, went on a cleaning frenzy, and had to be asked by my co-workers to repeat everything I said. I was told I sounded like Pilz-e the squirrel (from the Foamy the Squirrel site) and needed to slow down. Everything I said came out as if it were all one word, "Wow-that-energy-drink-was-really-good--I-got-a-million-things-done-this-morning-I-haven't-slept-since-yesterday-do-I-have-dark-circles-why-are-you-looking-at-me-like-that?" Talking with food in my mouth made it even worse
I had to deliberately slow my speech (and stop eating) when sampling out food during the latter part of that time (which I did to try to sell some of the excess sandwiches I'd prepared... it worked, so I didn't get into trouble.) When I slowed myself to a normal pace, it felt like I was trying to do a bad slo-mo imitation. I also ended up buying my fair share of the food, not out of guilt, but because I was absolutely starving. I spent more on food that day than I had in the past week.


By lunch, I was starting to relax. It felt like I'd been awake for a week (and I know, because I've done that before) but I was still a little hyperactive. I was able to keep enough control to perform my job duties and generally look normal, or at least my version of normal, as long as I maintained the effort. The store was sparkling when I left, every surface wiped down. The cashiers had to chase me away from their counter after I started wiping down the cigarette lighters and lottery pencils.
It was lucky for me that I got home before the crash.
I remember thinking I'd use the extra energy to get some cleaning done. I stuck the morning's laundry in the dryer, put another load in the washer, then prepared a roast and stuck it in the oven. While waiting for the laundry and the roast, I did my dishes and scrubbed down all of the work spaces in the kitchen, including the stove (which was, of course, hot), vacuumed the entire apartment, and uploaded more photos. After that, it was just like the effect of batteries running out on a portable record player.
I remember switching over the laundry and dragging the basket out to the living room a few moments before Brian was due home. I'd started to feel a little sleepy by then, and was moving slower. I put the clothes next to me in front of the TV. I had a movie playing so I could watch it while I folded.
Minutes later, Brian arrived home to find me face down in a pile of clean towels, half-folded shirt in hand, snoring like an old man. He put me to bed, where I remained until I had to get up for work the next day. I don't remember a darned thing from the next day except for feeling like I was under water and telling my co-worker that no, I didn't want another energy drink right now. I didn't even drink any coffee.
Yup that's right... CRASH! (...ow...)


Over time, I learned that I could mostly handle one half of one single-serve can of most soda-based energy drinks if I mixed that amount into my sixty-four ounce mug filled with some other, caffeine-free beverage. It eliminated the manic-panic, but not the crash... but I could time the crash.
That got me through the Mondays after wedding weekends that summer, after which I discovered another, nutrient based energy drink. A little research informed me that the soda-based energy drinks I'd been consuming were mainly powered by huge amounts of caffeine and sugar, while this new drink, which promised five hours of energy without a crash had only as much caffeine as two cups of coffee. It had a lot of "B" vitamins, as well as some amino acids and enzymes which the manufacturer claimed were energy boosters. I was familiar with some, having done some research on nutrition while pregnant, and having learned about herbal medicine while uninsured, but I had to look up some of the others. This time, I was a little smarter... instead of following manufacturer's instructions and drinking the whole thing at once, I added half of it to a mug of tea, and drank it with food. The mixture tasted terrible. The drink itself, supposedly berry flavored, tasted like cough syrup. I drink my tea unsweetened, so that made it worse. Still, the benefits were worth it. I didn't get jittery until it was time to eat again (an experience I had a lot in high school and am able to handle) and I didn't feel spacey like I did with the soda drink. I didn't fast-forward, either. All things considered, I felt pretty good.
The tea lasted from the beginning of my workday until the end of my drive to Saint Marys, after which I rinsed the mug and filled it with water. Class went fine, and so did the drive home, where I took Raven in (we were back to school by the time I tried the drink), then my stuff, and then was able to go right to sleep. I'd found it! This was the perfect thing for me - an energy drink which would give me just the boost I needed on my long days without messing me up. The only problem was that once I opened it, it was only good for three days, so I was wasting half of the bottle. The next time, I tried using the whole thing. That went well, too, though I did get hungry sooner and eat more throughout the day.

I began using that energy drink an average of twice a month. When winter hit, I went up to once a week. In the spring, I didn't need it at all until my first wedding. For a year, there was no problem... then my body decided to get revenge.
My co-worker had been on vacation again. She was back, and I was on my regular schedule, but I was tired. I'd had a wedding the Saturday before she left, another one the Saturday after she'd come back, and of course, I was still teaching. Like an idiot, was still trying to maintain what little social life I had. Thursday was the day of "gaming" night (my night to be nerdy and play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends) and I was going to be up longer than normal, then get up early again the next day to get ready for "festival week," when the church next door was going to have a fundraiser-carnival which was going to flood the neighborhood with people, and our store with extra customers. There'd be carnies prepping for it all the next week, and the carnival itself would be the next weekend. We had just under a weekend to prepare to feed the hard working, hungry carnies, then we'd have them plus the festival goers to feed all weekend. I'd had one of those drinks during the wedding and reception, and another on Monday, but I didn't want to wipe myself out and decided to have a third one even though it was the same week.
Stupid!
It was also summer again, and hot out, so I took a frozen drink with me (it's a slushy kind of drink) made from red pop. Along with that, I had a bag of Twizzlers, one of my favorite candies, to snack on while gaming. The combination turned out to be red food coloring overload.
I didn't notice the swelling in my lip until about halfway through the evening, after I'd consumed all of my energy drink (mostly earlier that day), all of my Twizzlers, and most of my frozen red pop. Thinking I was having a caffeine reaction, I took an allergy pill, called it a night, and went home to bed. I woke up the next day in sheer agony.
Huge, red, itchy hives had popped up all over my body. I had hives on my arms and legs. I had hives on my face. I hives on my belly, my butt, the bottoms of my feet, in between my fingers and toes... I even had hives in low places, if you know what I mean (and if you don't, I'm not tellin' you!)
My face looked horrible. I could have easily convinced the local police that I'd been beaten up. My husband made me call in sick, and took me to see my doctor, who insisted I take another couple of days (fortunately I only had to ask for one, because I was off Sundays anyway) and gave me steroids to deal with the reaction, which was apparently the worst he'd seen in years.
To make sure my boss knew I wasn't faking (she'd never seen me call in sick) I had Brian drive by there on the way home from the doctor. Even then, I kept my sense of humor - when she asked what had happened, I said, "I didn't get dinner on the table in time" then had to rapidly finish with "just kidding" when our co-manager, who is the sweetest guy, turned purple and started to yell at Brian (who is twice his size, and then some.)
Everyone who saw me got out of the way as we walked into and out of the store; the marks on my face looked like a cross between a strange disease and the aftermath of a prize fight! Whatever they thought it was, they obviously weren't taking any chances!


After two days of Cortizone pills, the swelling went down, and my face became presentable, but the warm spots took a lot longer to heal.
I had the hives for two weeks - and went to work the whole time (except for that first Friday and Saturday), sans energy drink, of course - before they finally faded.
Now, I won't drink any soda based energy drink. It was two years before I was willing to try anything at all, and when I finally did, it was the orange flavor, not one with red food coloring in it. I went through a testing process first, too. When I found that a big dab of it didn't irritate the skin in the fold of my elbow after a day, I put another dab inside my lower lip. That didn't cause a reaction, so I put a half teaspoon of it in some tea and drank that. When that didn't bother me, I knew I could have it as long as I didn't go overboard. I used it to get through the last wedding in my career (now that I am training for shift lead 2, I can't get a bunch of Saturdays off every Spring and Summer) but probably won't buy any more. It's not worth the risk, and now my doctor has me on a super B supplement, so even if I thought the drinks were safe, I can't drink them now because I'd be overdosing on B vitamins.
I've also learned that the jitters and increased appetite were a sign of sensitivity; some of the amino acids and enzymes included in most of the energy drinks on the market can have the effect of increasing the metabolism, as well as the heart rate... some of those ingredients are actually very dangerous in large quantities, but there's enough info there for another post.