Tiberi on the Telephone: I Laughed, I Nearly Cried, I Swore a Great Deal and Poured Myself a Drink

I was just minding my own business this evening when the phone rang and I was invited by a cheery automated voice to join in on a telephone town hall meeting with Ohio's 12th District Representative, Pat Tiberi. For anyone unfamiliar with Pat, let's just say if the Republican Party put forth a motion in favor of sodimizing their own grandmothers once a month, including ones that would have to be pried out of their graves, Pat would vote for it and say it's good for America and all of Ohio. If the Dems want health care reform, well, that's just not good government.

So I listened in on Mr. Smarmy taking questions from others who were called much earlier than I was. Now I know where the rightwing talking heads get their propaganda and lies. They come directly from the mouths of people like Tiberi. It was obvious some of the "random" callers were plants. He knew their names, the others had to introduce themselves.

-A doctor called to say he was considering leaving his practice because they didn't get Medicare payments in a timely manner and he's afraid of what's coming if the government has a public option. The students he works with in the teaching hospital are afraid too. They just might not become doctors and all his colleagues will quit.

(Go ahead and quit. It's obvious you're a doctor because you want to be wealthy and you enjoy the ego trip of being in a teaching hospital with all those young, impressionable minds looking to you for guidance on how to be a great doctor, and an even better douchebag.)

-A woman called upset because she wanted to retire before the age of 65 and her retirement system was no longer going to offer health insurance as part of the retirement package. Would she be required to sign on to the government plan? Oh yes, her representative assured her. Unemployed and no insurance and under 65- you get the government plan. Oh no! The caller moaned. Doomed to socialized medicine! How can she retire now knowing that?

(Someone tell me what I missed on this one. Her retirement plan is cutting out health insurance and she's over 50 but under 65. I'm not sure what option she expected to be available to her. Her retirement system sold her out.)

- Another caller was worried about the black market taking over and providing services that the government plan wouldn't cover. Pat sure wasn't going to dispute THAT. It was hinted that was how those countries with government run health care operated.

(I was surprised Pat didn't bring up the notorious New Orleans black market kidney ring that gets tourists all liquored up and leaves them kidney-less in ice-filled bathtubs. You know all those kidneys go to people in foreign countries.)

This same caller stated that she felt that mean Mr. Obama was overwhelming poor Pat and his crew with paperwork on all this health care reform business and just trying to confuse and rush them. God bless him for reading all that bothersome paperwork. (No comment from Pat.)

(What did this fool think elected officials are supposed to do? Sit around and draw pictures of ponies? It's a big part of their jobs to deal with the paperwork and read.)

She was also terribly upset the president and vice-president were drinking with this police officer and that judge-fellow! And in the White House of all places!

(I thought Carrie Nation was dead until this evening. Apparently she can be found somewhere in the 12th congressional district of Ohio.)

-Another caller identified her profession as a hospice nurse and was worried about end of life care options. She believes, and Pat wasn't going to talk her out of it, that she will be forced to kill people if the government gets involved in health care.

(According to Pat, cost would be cut like they do in Canada, by denying the elderly any care and killing them off slowly.)

Other claims made by Representative Pat Tiberi-

A public option will only lead to the demise of private insurance companies and the rise of single payer health care. GASP!

(As it has in Britain and Canada? I've corresponded in the past with a wealthy Brit who has private health insurance and sees doctors who are not part of the NHS, mainly because he can afford it and receive an alternative treatment for his alcoholism. He doesn't hesitate to use NHS for general care though.)

Pat also supported people who claimed a public option would force the rationing of health care. He let them know this crazy idea to cover all citizens would only lead to bad things.

A couple of intelligent people tried to engage him in learned conversation and debate. I hope they had a nice bottle of elitist wine chilling for afterwards. I'm sure they each needed a drink.

A pharmacist (who Pat insisted on calling 'Doc" throughout his brief conversation) called to say he worked with a group that has a successful medical home model that had been visited by Pat's own staff. They have successfully worked with doctors and managed to bring down costs while delivering medication and care to people in their homes. He quoted some figures. He asked if any of their data was being reviewed for ideas. Pat wasn't really sure about that, but it sounded okay. The man offered to send the data to him so Pat could see what works and share it with his colleagues. Doc was cut off the line right after that.

A guy named Jim got in. He and his wife asked why the US gets so little for its healthcare dollar. They had facts and figures on infant mortality in the US. They wanted to know why we were spending so much and getting such poor results.

Pat went into a story (that I'm sure bordered on confidentiality ethics, if its true) about a baby he saw at Riverside hospital when he wife delivered there earlier this year. This one poor, full term baby was in the NICU and only weighed 2 pounds. Pat asked how a full term infant could be that small and the nurse told him it was because the mother didn't take care of herself during pregnancy. So, according to Pat, the infant mortality rate can be blamed on young mothers who do not eat right or see doctors during their pregnancies. So much money is spent on trying to educate them and what a waste!

But wait, there was good news!

The US has a better cancer survival rate than England or Canada.

Jim and Mrs. Jim said, maybe, but we're discussing infant mortality and the figures show...

Where do you get your information? Do you talk to obstetricians?

Yeah, Pat, I work with them.

Fine, but the US has a better cancer survival rate and we're all out of time for your call.

Click.

When time was up, those of us still on the line were given the option of leaving a message for Pat. I may not have gotten to ask him if he has a clue what it's like to not have access to medical care, or why he's so against coverage for the millions of uninsured or why he wouldn't contine the debate with Jim and Mrs. Jim. I did get to tell him I was looking forward to the next time I have the opportunity to vote against him and that I hope he enjoys being anti-American and leaving millions of Americans without any options at all.

I'm pretty certain I won't be invited into the next town hall stroke job meeting. (I'm not even sure how I got invited to this one.)