When hearts harden - A poem

So sad....yet wonderfully written.

Hi Cheryl, happy to see you here! It's actually an attempt to translate a short poem that I did many many years ago in Urdu, my mother tongue. It's strange how translations lose their essence or perhaps it is just the fact that I am not quite skilled at English.

I hope that never happens to you or to me! HUgs

Beautifully penned, btw and so true...sigh

lol! Yeah I hope that never happens to ANYone Jenn, would be awful, truly awful.

BRAVO ~ BRAVO ~ BRAVO!!!

To the very HEART of the matter Kamran.

I enjoyed this.

...Oh, and this is currently FEATURED in Artistic Minds®.

HUGS ~
Rene

Gee thanks, Rene! Truly appreciate it! Regards

Last line is a good ending

lol! And that's about the only line in this poem which is original, the rest is a translation of an urdu poem I wrote many years ago.

Thanks for you comment sir!

It is different from other lines. Original has a spark

A single work may given to many different translators, and each one may produce something entirely different. I was certainly struck by this poem... It does happen... however, it is not always always a permanent condition for most of us... But woe to those for who it is. An excellent article, a reminder of something we must guard against. Thank you, my friend.

"A single work may given to many different translators, and each one may produce something entirely different." I guess the bigger challenge is not to lose the essence of a poem while translating them, I guess that's why Rumi's work has been so much appreciated in the west because the translations are really good. You know my friend, we have a poet, "Ghalib"(1797 - 1869), from the subcontinent and he is considered to be a literary giant in the region with regards to poetry but although many attempts have been made to translate his work in English, but none have been able to maintain the quality of the original, which of course is in Urdu.

I like this one...a lot!

Thank you Julie! I am glad you liked it.

(for Honest Poetry Critique)

This was an easy read, and I mean that in the most complimentary fashion. It can be difficult to capture a concept with short lines and short verse, but you've done an exemplary job of that. Previous comments do an excellent job of giving feedback on the content of the poem, so I'll limit my critique to the technical aspects.

I'm curious as to why you chose to drop punctuation from this poem (and I mean that, I'd love to know your reasons behind it!). It does slow the eye here somewhat, requiring the reader to pause and process where one line ends and the next begins, so as to digest the full meaning of the poem. I tend to associate a lack of punctuation with thoughts and exclamations that are delivered with heat, or a certain breathlessness-- a rush of words that flow over the page as if they were spoken all in one breath. But here, the mood doesn't seem to encourage that type of reading.

"Beholder's" should have an apostrophe in there as well, for owning the eye. ;)

Dear Corinna, thank you so much for taking out the time for this little one. I most certainly will be more careful with the punctuation in future and I have made the correction in "Beholder's", as you pointed out. To be honest, I have tried but I am not sure how to use exclamation in this one, I guess it's just my lack of skill at the language. Your suggestions are always welcome. Once again, thank you!

Well done. That last line............ sigh

Thanks Nancy, yes that last line serves as a reminder for all ;)

This is so tragic and it happens all too frequently!

Dear Beth, thanks for your comment, yes indeed it's always tragic but then why so frequently ?

This is an awesome write that is felt and not just read!

Thank you Lisa! I am glad you visited :)

Kamron, this hurts! As does love, as I well know.

I think the poem should have ended here...
"Till it is there no more"
...I feel every breath of every word to this point and I am spent. The last 3 lines just seem to distract me from what I've felt.

Ruth, you've caught me here! The original poem (which is in urdu) does end here. However while I was attempting a translation of the original, I felt like it was too short, plus the line" your will overcomes mine" had been haunting me and wanting to get rid of it, I just added it there along with the other two.

Now that's what we call "patchy work!, :)

I love that I just now met you & read your first writing and was right there with you, "catching you"!

"Till it is there no more" - it is finished. It just has such power, such emptiness.

Perfectly put... nothing to add, nothing to remove. Well done!

Blessings and best wishes - S.

Dear Svetlana, It's always a pleasure to see you. Thank you for your comment!

A rose, frayed at the edges - a perfect visual partner to complement this poem.

Thank you Joyce, I am glad you like the idea too!