Personal Recession Strategies (In Marin County)

"This is not your father's recession."

With a major recession well under way it's time to take action to protect your own personal economy while at the same time maintaining Marin County's carefully cultivated image and traditions.

To the government, a declining GNP means it's time to start up the printing presses. For the individual, a declining GNP means "Got New Problems." An individual's objective in a recession is to transfer those problems out of his economy to someone else’s economy — preferably not one of a family member.

During a recession the most important factor is to make sure to maintain a positive GCF or Government Cash Flow. Your GCF is determined by adding up all the money you get from the government (what theypay for) such as unemployment benefits, Medicare and subsidized conjugal visits. Compare that to all the money you give to the government (what youpay for). Taxes are a major component, both income and sales/property taxes — a clever invention whereby the government pretends you repurchase your house every year. I'd also include bridge tolls and moving vehicle violations.

The main objective is to protect your cash flow. For most people maintaining their revenue stream falls under the heading of job security. The biggest threat in a recession is getting laid off so it is critical that you act proactively to protect your job.

Some popular job protection strategies are:

* Embezzle considerable fundsfrom your place of business and secure them in an offshore account that only you can access. When the recession is over, you can return the funds. Meanwhile, should your job be threatened, you might want to mention this secret account during your exit interview.

* Get incriminating information against your bosssuch as evidence of financial malfeasance or pictures of him and his secretary, Miss Gotsuchachestonher, having a business meeting at the Secret Starlight Motel during business hours.

* Aggregate all the company's “trade secrets”into one computer file and then password-protect it with your own private password.

On the cash outflow side of the equation it is important to reduce expenses. Here are some examples where even a Marin County resident can save money:

* Switch from 12-year old scotch to an 8-year old brand.I know, I know, but we allhave to make sacrifices in times of a national economic crisis. I would not, however, drop from single-malt to blended whiskey unless the recession has grown into a depression and that fact is verified by three independent sources who are not beer drinkers.

* Scale down your restaurant activity. This does not mean eating at home (which is against the zoning laws in many Marin communities), but perhaps skipping an appetizer or downgrading your caviar to shrimp scampi.

* Get haircuts less frequently. This is easy for women because they can choose a longer hairstyle and not get their hair cut for 6-12 months. For men, however, reducing haircuts requires careful scheduling. On the face of it, you could go from a haircut every two weeks to one every three weeks and eliminate nine haircuts per annum. But what happens if your mother is planning to visit during that third week? See what I mean? It is important to plan ahead.

As a good citizen, you can also help your local community in the following ways:

* Buy local. Most communities get considerable sales-tax revenue from local businesses. This is not a hardship for Marinites as, given our dollar demographics, most purveyors of fine products have a local presence. (Of course, in a fashion emergency, you can buy locally unavailable designer brands on the Internet but you didn’t hear that from me. What you do in the privacy of your own home is your own business.)

* Reduce requests for community assistance. Towns are being forced to reduce staff. To be sure sufficient firefighters and police are available to handle serious situations, do your part by curtailing non-emergency requests for assistance. A cat up a tree is notan emergency except for the non-tax paying cat.

If the recession turns the corner and becomes a depression, that is the signal to forgo haircuts altogether, grow a beard and trade your Lexus in for a Schwinn. Remember, Marin County has a hippie tradition too.

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There is another column on a similar topic at: Laid-back recession in California