by Elizabeth S.
Member since:
April 24, 2007

Do You Owe Your Children an Inheritance?

July 26, 2009 06:25 PM UTC
views: 0 | comments: 35

After my father died, my brother kept pressuring my mother to go to an investment counselor for advice. He didn't like that some of the stocks they'd owned had stopped giving out the good annual dividends which made my father buy them in the first place.

We had never discussed financial issues before, but I wasn't surprised that, like most things, we were on opposite ends of the spectrum. He believes it is irresponsible for parents not to leave an inheritance for their children. I believe it's my parents' money and as long as we can pay the last debt from the funds, that's fine. Maybe if my mother were the spendthrift type I could worry, but I've always thought she should enjoy it while she was able.

I can see my brother's point when people died earlier, leaving children with families left to rear. My brother's youngest child will soon be 30 years old. He doesn't need any funds to spend on his children. With any luck at all, he'll be receiving social security when my mother passes away. (he'll soon be 58) Let me reassure you that he's hoping she lives for many more years and is in no hurry to inherit anything.

I've no debts except my medical bills that will take me years to pay and I have a life insurance policy that should more than pay for my cremation. I feel that my 28 year old daughter and 32 year old son should be able to make their ways through life okay. Am I being irresponsible? Maybe I'd feel differently if I had grandchildren.

It's strange. I bought my child a car, paid for gas and insurance, a cell phone and any college bills not included in their scholarships. I felt that was my responsibility. My brother spent got guilted into spending $500 for college for one child and more for another. Everything else they were on their own.

What do you think? Are we responsible for leaving our children a financial inheritance?

Comments: 35

Renee (Pres of Baby James Foundation) ~. Jul 26, 2009, 6:51pm UTC
I will say children that expect inheritance are nothing but spoiled brats that aren't thinking of their parents first. First should be how those parents are going to live their last days on earth. Many of them has to spend their money in nursing homes, or similar. Now if they have it to leave then that is wonderful. I would love to be able to leave my children something. Not sure how when I can barely take care of things now. I have a question for those children who expect inheritance. Do you owe it to your parents to take care of them so they can leave you one the last days of their life? That means quit your job, feed them, if they need help because they are in content that too.
Steph-in-NE ..... Jul 26, 2009, 7:23pm UTC
I say if we have the money it should be divided up eqaully,, I rather have my dad's stuff then his money,, yet I know that will be divided up equally with the step of the family, for we have no steps. so it is all fair.
My husband and I and a large life insurance,, we want to make sure we both are fine when the other leave, and pay off the house and be happy and not struggle like our parents are. Mainly his parents.. my mom is living off her stuff comfrontable and so are my other parents..
When my sister died,,, she left two kids 4/12, they got the SS, and her life insurance set aside untill they reach the age of 25. one nephew took this and invested in a home, he is happy the niece is only 20 and yet not gotton hers. I will make sure it is handle more better then she is handling things now.. (yes i am in charge of $$)
Rae M. Jul 26, 2009, 7:33pm UTC
No I don't think it should be expected. I think there should at least be enough to pay for burial expenses etc. but after that no if someone needs or wants to spend their money in their retirment years then they should. Of course leaving something to the children would be nice and give them a nice advantage in life, but people should make their own way in life. I say if you can leave some great, if not that should be fine too, unless of course the children have had a lot of misfortune in their lives and could use the boost, but people really should learn to make their own way in life. I would rather have my parents then any money they could leave me.
Renita P. Jul 26, 2009, 7:57pm UTC
I think that if you CAN, it's good to do the best you can to leave an inheritance. However, with things as they are, most of us are just trying to get by. We have nothing leftover to set aside for the kids. We can't even afford life insurance. You can only do what you can do.
Debra H. Jul 26, 2009, 8:15pm UTC
Biblically speaking we are not only to leave our children and inheritance but our children's children as well. Personally I think it is a matter of personal choice and in todays economy people have to do whatever they need to do to get by.

I was the recipient of an inheritance from grandparents on both sides as well as my father. I began trust funds for each of my children at birth as my grandparents and father did for me. When each of my children turned 18 I started two secondary trusts for each of them for children they might have in the future. To date I have one married son with two children and two unmarried sons 28 and 32 who have no intention of marrying or having kids but anything could happen.

If I had to start preparing for those inheritances today I don't know if it would be financially possible.
Janet H. Jul 26, 2009, 9:28pm UTC
I don't think parents owe their children any kind of inheritance. They should leave enough to cover buriel expenses so that doesn't fall on the children financially. And they can leave family history and genealogy information for their kids and grandkids. But parents don't owe adult children any money or their grandchildren either. I did inherit some money from my mother and from my aunt when they died. But I didn't feel it was owed to me and I have used the money wisely. The money did make my life much easier and allowed us to have some things we could never have had otherwise.
elizabeth evans Jul 26, 2009, 10:28pm UTC
If one has it...then that's nice...but we don't owe them anything if we have provided for them "growing them up". Like you ,we made sure they had the things they needed, went to good schools, food in their bellies and a shelter over their heads. Like you, we paid for college... they got good jobs and now they make more then us.
Spencer T. Jul 27, 2009, 7:07am UTC
I also fall into the category which says parents do not owe children anything when they die. I feel its a tradition by some which has gotten out of hand. I have seen neighbors and relatices argue about who gets what even before the parents die. I feel it absurd.
HEIDI F. Jul 27, 2009, 9:37am UTC
no, they don't have to leave an inheritance. its a nice thing to do, but expecting money from someone else is rude. its your parents money. they can do with it as they please.
Lisa Frost Bailey Jul 27, 2009, 10:55am UTC
I think the parents need to be concerned as long as they have minor children, beyond that, being able to take care of themselves should be the best thing they can do for their kids, as long as they are able. I have some of my mother's collectables to remember her. Most of the insurance she had went to pay for her medical expenses. It is due to medical expenses that I have maintained life insurance, so I don't leave my children with outstanding bills, or force unnecessary company right offs which then get charged to future customers.
Tami G. Jul 27, 2009, 11:07am UTC
I asked my son a long time ago would he like to have an inheritance or memories. He decided that is would be memories. So our families do things together. We go on vacations together, we eat out at nice restaurants once in a while, I get them things for holidays, birthdays etc that is a little more than most would do. But I feel these things are all for us to be together doing things to make great memories that are worth more than we could leave them when were gone. I am now waiting for grandchildren so we can go to the condo at Ocean City, Maryland & disneyland.
Trish A. Jul 27, 2009, 12:50pm UTC
I keep telling my parents to spend their money, enjoy their life. They are old fashioned and hope to leave each of us a little bit. I would much rather they live a large life!
M O. Jul 27, 2009, 12:54pm UTC
I don't think that your brother suggesting that your mom see a financial planner and get advice is wrong given the fact that her investment dividends have fallen. Perhaps she counts on those dividends to pay bills, as my parents do? I own an investment advisory business and we see many portfolios come in for review that should have been reviewed quite a while ago, but had not been and the client(s) suffered because of it.

As for 'owing' children an inheritance, no, I don't believe that parents owe children anything but after a good up-bringing, providing a good education and continuing to love them.
Ms Lee P. Jul 27, 2009, 1:00pm UTC
Good heavens no. We do not have to leave anything for our children. Let them support themselves. I'm gonna spend mine as fast as I can, time is running out I gotta hurry. It's my money not theirs and my responsibility to them was finished when they became adults. I personally think you have a very "tacky thinking" brother. I'm quite sure he is nice, but if he believes your parents owe him something then he is a greedy man. You can never ever pay for your upbringing because it is done in love (in most situations) and sometimes love is the only thing some people have to give. If your mom has any money in investments or in the bank, tell her to liquidate it all and spend the money traveling with friends (not children) and do whatever else she has always wanted to do. Spend it all. Spend it all. Spend it all.
Sandy Knauer Jul 27, 2009, 9:00pm UTC
I wouldn't go this far. I would travel with my family, and do nice things for them while I'm still alive to enjoy it with them.
Ms Lee P. Jul 27, 2009, 9:45pm UTC
Awwww, Sandy, you are a nice person. The world needs more nice people like you.
Margaret G. Jul 27, 2009, 1:15pm UTC
No,I don't think so. When my mother died, the insurance money went to my sister. She was the one who took care of both of my parents for 11 years and she deserved it. The rest of us (and there are 9 of us altogether) agreed that it should be that way.
Elizabeth S. Jul 29, 2009, 9:06pm UTC
What a great group of siblings you have! Usually there is at least one greedy one in any group of 4 or 5.
Sandy Knauer Jul 27, 2009, 8:58pm UTC
I don't think much of anyone who dies with money so my answer is no. Help people while you're alive and give away what you don't need.
Matthew M. Jul 28, 2009, 4:16pm UTC
While parents do not owe anything to their children, I think the Bible says a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. It is good for parents to leave their children an inheritance.
Karen D. Jul 28, 2009, 8:47pm UTC
I think it's a wonderful thing to do for your children after your time comes. A lovely way to remember your parents.

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