Prompt: Describe a man seeing his newborn baby for the first time.
Being the daughter of an unwed mother and an unknown father,
well, my approach on this prompt was a bit different...
©2008 Ruth Cox
You are a Father...Are you a Dad?
"Yes. She looks like me."
Those are the words you spoke
the morn' I came to be.
I wonder if I woke
to see you walk out on me.
"Why'd you disappear?"
My query is in awe
for Momma found me dear.
I wonder what you saw
that caused you to disappear.
"That's all he said, child."
The story Momma told
for years drove me wild.
I wonder at the cold
heart you shew unto your child.
"Did you love my mom?"
I cannot help but think
my birth was just a bomb.
I wonder did I shrink
love betwixt my dad and mom.
"Do I look like you?"
This question that I ask
there seems no answer to.
I wonder 'neath my mask
if I've now walked out on you.
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Comments: 26
Because you used rhyme so faithfully, I felt that the meter should follow suit. It might be more effective to left-justify the piece and try letting the content take greater command because the story is compelling as is.
Ruth, I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for in comments. Let me know if I'm off the mark.
my birth was just a bomb.
I wonder did I shrink
love betwixt my dad and mom.
These lines blast into my heart.
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474977750203
reclaiming life
The emotional reaction from my readers is very important to me. I wouldn't continue to share my writings if I didn't touch the spirit in those who read them. At the same time, I do not want my form, or lack thereof, to hinder the reader from said emotion. So I welcome any constructive critique that is shared with me.
I couldn’t believe it when she said she was pregnant.
Then there were the months of bitching and whining.
I paced the waiting room for thirty-six hours to see the result.
When I finally saw you for the first time I could only say,
“Geez, that’s an ugly kid.”
1...
Most babies truly are UGLYYYYY! Any I've seen were, including my own...only a mother could love such UGLY, lol.
2...
YOU wrote me a poem - you who don't do poetry - now that was a happy giggle, and it is a good one too!
Sooo...
Of course you couldn't believe it
She said she was takin' her pills
And the mom-to-be emotions
Get as old as the over-the-hills
Now upon this ugly wee thing I'd have looked
And it woulda scared me so that out the door I'd have booked!
Len...I'm thinking you're a delightful new friend to have! Thank you for the much needed chuckles!
An Ode to Al
Stick it!
First, I think all men agree that newborn babies are ugly. We never say that to the proud mom or dad, but we think it. Second, I wrote the poem, yes, but that doesn’t mean we’re going steady. And third, your response was so good that it made me cry. Not really, but it points out that I haven’t the faintest notion what I’m doing when I try to write poetry. Thanks for making me feel really small.
:-)