Rising Sap - Ghazal

Rising Sap

Deep roots infuse the wood with rising sap,

Bone softens into bud with rising sap.

The rain, transformed within the living root,

As wine to blood, gives life as rising sap.

My children flourish, happy in the sun:

They always understood the rising sap.

My lover turns to me, the tree is strong

And vibrant in a flood of rising sap.

As ripening fruit turns sweet, the patient sun

Will wash away falsehood with rising sap.

The forest resurrects. Nature contrives

To make the rotten good with rising sap.

A hinterland depends, yet it sustains

The soul of this poet with rising sap.

Comments: 35

Julie (there will always be a rainbow) G. Jul 21, 2009, 8:56am EDT

Excellent, as always!

reply to this comment

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 10:07am EDT

Thanks, Julie.

reply to this comment

John Philipp Jul 21, 2009, 10:08am EDT

Mike, I love the sentiments and the theme.

I assume you want critique and far be it from me to critique poetry but the repetitive device "with rising sap" didn't ring true to me, in a phonetic sense. Maybe it is the sound of those words or that they are repeated too quickly.

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 10:20am EDT

Thanks, John. This was written according to the conventions of a particular form of poetry called the Ghazal. I blame those Iranians, they invented it. Heh, heh.

John Philipp Jul 21, 2009, 10:29am EDT

Ok, now I see it. In Farsi it rings like a chime.

(I told you, no more poetry.
I know, I know. It just slipped out.)

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 1:09pm EDT

It certainly looked very elegant when I put it through the Google Translator, but I was unable to read it.
Then when I re-translated the first line back into English it came out as: Profound origins flavor the forest with a levitating foolish person.
Not much better, really.

John Philipp Jul 21, 2009, 5:15pm EDT

But that's a cool idea for getting poetic expressions.

Such as: "Flavor the forest"

reply to this comment

Kathryn E. Jul 21, 2009, 11:06am EDT

I like this.

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 1:11pm EDT

I am grateful for your comment, Kathryn.

reply to this comment

Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Jul 21, 2009, 11:38am EDT

“Each day, a different Gather member Writing Essentials Editor will moderate the group and feature work based on quality of writing and possibly a theme that the Editor has chosen.”

Tuesday’s theme is interactive creative writing. I accept fiction (based on quality of writing) and feature responses to my Interactive Creative Writing Project theme. This does not meet Tuesday’s theme and will not be listed in the Gather Writing Essential group today. You might check to see if it meets another editor’s theme and resubmit on that day, or if it meets another Essential group theme and submit it to that group today.

Sandy Knauer
Gather Tuesday Writing Essential Member Editor

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 1:11pm EDT

Sorry, my mistake.

Susan Budig Jul 23, 2009, 4:33pm EDT

Huh. I had no idea those were the parameters for acceptance. I'd better read the directions.

reply to this comment

Beth G. Jul 21, 2009, 11:38am EDT

oh this was quite good!

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 1:12pm EDT

Thanks, Beth.

reply to this comment

Patti M. Jul 21, 2009, 3:52pm EDT

You are correct, this has a much more positive ring to it. I enjoyed the part about the rain ending up as rising sap. You alowed the reader to take the journey with the rain.
Well done.

reply to this comment

Mike Ellwood Jul 21, 2009, 5:35pm EDT

Thanks, Patti. Nature's alchemy.

reply to this comment

Angela A. Jul 21, 2009, 6:32pm EDT

A true masterpiece!

Myspace Thank You Comments

for posting to my group, Anythingwriting

reply to this comment

Granny Janny H. Jul 21, 2009, 9:34pm EDT

I'm not crazy about the form. If rising sap were mentioned only in the first and last couplets I would like it better.
The statements made in between are not needing the obvious repetition.
But then these changes would disqualify it as a form.
I do like the uplifting element of it. Who wouldn't?

Mike Ellwood Jul 22, 2009, 2:58am EDT

Thanks Jan. I'll try anything once or twice.

Susan Budig Jul 23, 2009, 4:23pm EDT

I love the form. I say that not having successfully written a ghazal. But I find the repetition poignant.

reply to this comment

Ylanne Sorrows Jul 21, 2009, 10:02pm EDT

I love Ghazal poetry! I'm pleasantly surprised someone else knows about it, much less writes in it; I've tried to write a few ghazal, but nothing yet I feel good enough to share. :) Crime fiction's my particular genre, see.

But I have a very particular interest in Sufism, and Rumi wrote much ghazals! :D

reply to this comment

Ylanne Sorrows Jul 21, 2009, 10:03pm EDT

ANYWAYS, your ghazal is very beautiful. :) I like it, the imagery evoked and whatnot. The only thing that stood out was your name, which I thought was a nice personal touch, but at the same time, somehow distracting from the form, particularly because the ghazal is in its roots Persian and "Mike Ellwood" is about the most un-Persian name you can get. :)

Mike Ellwood Jul 22, 2009, 2:54am EDT

Thanks Ylanne, you're absolutely right, so I've changed it. I really didn't feel comfortable about it being there in the first place, but I thought it was in the tradition. However, it was inappropriate. Thanks for your constructive comment.

JOHN BECK Jul 22, 2009, 11:19pm EDT

People with much more experience with the Ghazal than I address this issue by using a pen name which fits with the form.

Susan Budig Jul 23, 2009, 4:30pm EDT

I'd prefer you to return to including your name, but how about in Arabic format with Mika'il?

reply to this comment

Sheila Deeth Jul 22, 2009, 12:43am EDT

I'm slowly learning Ghazal, and I know enough to know I love this one.

Mike Ellwood Jul 22, 2009, 2:51am EDT

Hi Sheila. Thanks for the comment. The ghazal is quite difficult to write, but I know you'll produce a great one.

reply to this comment

(Jasper,(Disciple for Christ. w. Jul 22, 2009, 7:55pm EDT

This a great poem ,Mike May God bless you.

reply to this comment

Marilyn is looking for whatever there is. N. Jul 23, 2009, 11:14am EDT

Mike,
I've read both of yours and have also like them both, this one while more uplifting, is no less wonderfully-written than the other. I've tried to write these, for the months' prompt and am getting exactly no where!
I'm enjoying reading those who know what they're doing, though!
Marilyn

reply to this comment

Susan Budig Jul 23, 2009, 4:29pm EDT

Mike, I'm inspired by this ghazal. You chose a beautiful phrase for repetition. I very much appreciate the internal rhyme as well such as roots, wood, -hood, -stood and visually blood and flood. It's a mark of your poetic caliber.

reply to this comment

Shelbia C. Jul 24, 2009, 1:01am EDT

Great job

reply to this comment

Lynn, who's writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Jul 28, 2009, 1:03pm EDT

Whoa! Amazing all by itself! Given I just cannot "get" ghazal, this is doubly amazing! So many meanings, so many visions, so many ways for being enveloped by "the rising sap." Might be triply amazing, since we just lost our yellow squash, because squirrels ate the trunks off, probably to quench their thirst from the wet rising sap. Thank you.

reply to this comment

Lynn, who's writing motto is Tabula rasa - Caveat lector Jul 28, 2009, 1:05pm EDT

BTW, if you still want this on Writing Essentials, resubmit any other day of the week but Tuesdays. I think this belongs on that group, too.

reply to this comment

Rising Sap - Ghazal

Comments: 35

Join the Conversation

You might also like

More by Mike Ellwood