After over a year of staying focused on diet and fitness, one of the things I've learned about myself is that when it comes to my Kryptonite foods, I'm no good at moderation. I guess I can't claim that I don't have the capacity to become a person who can have just one cookie, because one of the other things I've learned is how to take personal responsibility, but let's just say it's not happening so far.
Here is how I deal with foods like cookies, ice cream, and candy: I don't eat them.
Either that, or I eat a VERY LARGE AMOUNT OF THEM.
There is no middle ground. There is no I will have a bite of cake because it looks delicious and then I won't have any more. To me, a forbidden food must be consumed in a forbidden manner to be truly enjoyed. If I knew I could only have one bite of cake I wouldn't even take the offered fork, because it would just be SAD.
To further illustrate my dietary approach, I do not in any way understand the concept of putting the ice cream container back in the freezer. I mean, it makes no sense! In order to do that, there would have to be ice cream left inside it, and who doesn't eat the whole pint at ONCE? Also, lowfat sugar-free ice cream? Just . . . no. Ice cream should contain enough butterfat to send a grown man into a coma, by god.
I have a fairly predictable diet pattern where for several days I eat salads, lean meats, fruits, and virtually no processed simple carbs. Then, usually after a tough day or on a weekend, I'll inhale a family-sized bag of corn chips with a toasted-sesame-and-coconut ice cream chaser. Then it's back to the healthy meals.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
So far there doesn't seem to be much damage from this two steps forward, two steps back routine. I gain five pounds, I lose five pounds. My abs emerge, my abs recede. I feel virtuous, I feel guilty. And so it goes.
The one thing I keep thinking about, though, is that this sort of behavior is what sets me apart from the truly fitness-focused. As long as I eat like this, I could never be, say, a personal trainer—a very vague goal I think about now and then—because how could I help other people deal with cravings when I so routinely give in to my own?
Besides, it does seem a little . . . pathological. After dealing with an alcohol addiction, it's depressing to think I've got yet another monster lurking under my skin, this one flavored with chocolate chips instead of vodka.
What do you think, can a person change their true nature when it comes to food? Or will I always be in this cycle of denial and occasional indulgence?