EXPRESSION OF A WOMAN
©Robert C Burnham
2009, Conway, SC
Sometimes poetry doesn’t do it for me. Not often, just sometimes and this is one of those times. I wanted this to be a poem but, as I have discovered, my poetic talent harbors limits.
I woke up last night, in the wee wee hours. Not my usual wake-up where, trancelike, I stagger to the bath to pee and then to the fridge, sluggishly grabbing a bottle of water and returning to bed only to ponder a few moments later if I had really gotten up at all. Last night’s wake-up was abrupt and immediate with an eye-opening realization of what I want to occur during my remaining time on earth. What I truly need.
Maybe I shouldn’t divulge it en masse, here; in this public forum because some may think me ‘soft’ and cowboys should never be perceived as ‘soft’, lol. But I do so love to write. It is my passion to turn clean, neat, unsoiled blank pages into scribbled-on ink-laden messes. And I do scribbling so well. So, if you will, dear reader, allow me to indulge and divulge.
This thing that I want; I have already had a few times in my life. The operative word is “few”. Few and long ago. I want it at least one more time again and would readily surrender almost any other aspect of my life to obtain it. It seems so simple but yet it is as complicated and as elusive as any dream I can conjure up. So, what is it?
I want nothing more than to have a woman, a lady, standing before me, looking directly towards me with a radiant smile and sparkling eyes. The kind of expression that says without words she is happier to be standing there with me than to be standing anywhere or with anyone else. The expression that says I make her happy. The expression that says I make her proud. The expression that resonates with, “I love you”.
The expression I would paint if I were, in fact, a Da Vinci, a Michelangelo. The expression I would aptly title, “Expression of a Woman”. The expression, so warm, so intimate, that would give my heart and soul the resurrection they are longing for. That is all I want. It is the pinnacle of my desire. I have asked God to make it happen. So far, no response.
I apologize, faithful reader, for not entertaining you with my usual song and verse. Sometimes the heart does trump the mind. Sometimes, it is impossible to think, to consider, beyond plain, simple, straightforward truth. Yes, I came awake this morning knowing exactly what it is I seek. Now, ahem, you all know as well.
Gather Journal 2009
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Comments: 58
Namaste
That's when I found him, my Mr. Right! So trust, it will come WHEN YOU ARE READY.
I believe there is someone out there for everyone - when & if they are ready
I do like the way that ONE eye looks at me. But, alas, it's not "Expression of Half Woman" teehee.
"Tracy is right here" (like, ripe for picking)
or
"Tracy is right, here" (she's correct)
teehee, I hope she hits you, not me. Me thinks we need an Island Tale.
ps: Haven't seen the BLONDE today. Where's she at?
They are wonderful, but hard to find.
I pray you do better at finding yours then I have.
Mine died in Viet Nam.
I have never found another.
I've actually stopped looking in reality. No time really. And in the evenings I visit with family and read. Saturdays belong to Streaker (golden retriever) and Sunday is the Lord's. It will have to 'just happen'. Right now, my focus is on what city I'm going to end up in. Then re-establishment. The re-dedication. Then, well, then, we'll see.
I write between job searches because it feels good. And will continue to do so.
I am not begging nor asking. I haven't even had time to return your calls, have I? And I am sorry I wasn't able to do what YOU asked.
It might just happen.
But I really don't intend to offer many opportunities for her to snarl though it would be inevitable I'm sure.
Earlier in life, I had a father-in-law and on several occasions, this man (A Maine Farmer & Shade Tree Mechanic), would keep a transmission in the tub. That use to bring a snarl or two from the ex-m-i-l. Ladies... I promise, no transmissions in the tub and no engines on the dining room table.
I have a feeling you will find your "expression of a woman" in much the same way.
SORRY for repeating anyway,,, love you dear friend,,,
Meanwhile, keep scribbling ...
Oh, and my kids around Xmas time.
I do know your feelings, only too well. I spent so many years alone, wanting love and to give it back. Wanting to share things I love and share what she loves. The whole 900 yards. When I worked up in Glacier National Park, there was so much beauty, emptiness and lonliness. Oh man .. I wanted to share what I loved so much, being out in nature and just letting life "be". And the beauty ... well, you've seen my photos from up in one part of Glacier. I lived at Polebridge Ranger Station, every summer, for around 4 years. It was beautiful, but by the end of summer, I was so tired of driving the roads to every campground, every day, that by the time I'd closed them all up, shut all the water systems down ... finished cleaning up after the "mobs", I was ready... really ready... to get back home. So, I do know lonliness more than I care to remember.
There are lots of ladies out there, looking for a "nice guy", someone who treats women well, is not an MCP, an overall gentleman. I think too many set their standards too high... everyone's gotta be one of the "beautiful people". They never learn, that to be beautiful on the outside, one must be truly beautiful on the inside. So, the woman never finds her man and vice-versa. This, of course, isn't in relation to EVERYONE. But a majority look just too hard and pass by many that would be perfect, except for the lack of perfect teeth, the perfect smile, the body to drool over, etc. Sad.
Your time will come Robert. This I feel safe in promising you.
you never can tell.
(and oh my God, anyone born after the early 70s won't even know the reference I just used)
What I do know is I like you, my friend, and I want you to find happiness. All of it, and so I will wish that for you. HUGS
blessings~hugs~peace and love~and a woman to keep you warm at night
I've also said that if I hadn't already met my soul mate, you would have had dibs dear.
You hold my heart in friendship,
I hope that's enough.
Hugs, A.
Myspace Thank You Comments
for posting to my group, Anythingwriting
Now, if Donald does gets abducted by aliens, swallowed by a whale, disappears in the Bermuda Triangle, or falls into a space-time continuum; well, you know hoe to find me.
She is out there, Robert. You'll see.
Though I think you may find her if you really want.
years after years
So there is someone who would complement you and i hope you find her the earliest so that she could give you 'the expression'....
:)
Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.--Nathaniel Hawthorne