my thought or question of the day

Anne, I can tell that you are a good loving mother that is trying to do your best for your child. Each step of any child's life is a learning process. You should not care about what other's think, you have a beautiful daughter who needs your families guidance in helping her learn. I can only say, continue to do what you know you need to do for her. She will bloom and blossom knowing that you support her. Children also only know one life..the life that they are living at that moment... They don't know that they are different or that they are struggling.. but we should all remember that they can hear and intake everything we say... so people should be careful on their comments around children.

Side bar story: My third son was delayed compared to my first two in speaking.... When I went to the doctor, he said to me "stop talking for your son...let him talk" we realized that the whole family was talking for him...he didn't need to talk. "do you want juice?" "Here's a cookie" etc... even my boys were saying "he needs milk" "he wants his bear"... That night I told my whole family what the doctor said... and guess what... the little boy started talking in sentences... It took a while, at first he would come up to the kitchen and stare at me... and I would stare back and then say "what?" tell me what you need... the doctor was right... so you are right Anne, in allowing her to speak so that she learns to use that side of her brain that is constantly growing.

I have a child that had terrible problems. She was adopted, and couldn't even eat with a fork. She was a feral child more animal than person. I worked with her constantly. Sometimes I'd have to tell people why she acted the way she did like when she ask me if I paid for something or stole it in front of a cashier. It was funny and sad, I understand your husband's feelings, so maybe comprimise when you can. Keep your voice low, but the work is constant. My daughter is perfect, but tell him she's perfect now, because I worked constantly with her and I asked help of everyone I thought could help her. I'm not and never was ashamed of my baby. I am proud of her and her accomplishments, but it took constant work.
PS. We still have an occasional issue, but we hit it head on and smile all the way! Give Dad a hug!

All 3 of my children had severe speech problems. My youngest grand daughter has one plus we feel she is ADHD. My oldest daughter, now 36, went to kindergarten and never said one word for at least 3 weeks. The teacher called me and asked if she could even speak. My daughters friend at that time, use to do all the talking for her as they had always played together so she was use to her and her speech patterns. Well the teacher set up an appointment for her to be entered into speech classes.
Did we ever try to hide these problems? No, like with you, if someone has a problem they can suck my big toe! Personally people should be thinking what a wonderful mom you are to be taking the time needed to help your child!
With my grand daughter, she is a handful, and it's hard to understand her, but she is aware of her speech, and she takes her time and tries hard to communicate the right way. She starts school this September and I am sure the district will help her tremendously.
Keep doing what you are doing. Maybe your husband was just a crab apple. Ignore him. He'll get over it. Keep doing the fantastic job with your daughter and show everyone your big toe!

thanks for the comment, I agree the public school has helped my daughter BIG time. I have seen her go through her boom as they call it. When we started ot in january she came in at about 22 months old (she was almost 3)
when we discharged her in june she jumped up to 36 months. I would always say early inventervention is great.

have you mentioned that to your mother??? about early intervention?? (sorry, i had to say it!!)

I am an open book usually. And with my kids it is the same. People should be minding their own business really, but if they are taking notice of anything we are doing then they can make their own assumptions. And if they really want to know why I am doing what I am doing then I will tell them as much as I want. If someone wants to know why I am working on words with my young child then they obviously don't know how important learning is. But if they ask, I would say that we take every opportunity to learn.
If their questions or looks offend me I will ignore them or tell them to mind their business like they should have been doing anyway.

It does sound like your hubby was crabby.

i agree he was just crabby, and i like how you think

As many on Gather know, I lost my right leg last year...not quite the same as what your daughter is going through, but I'm self-conscious over it. I don't make it known when I'm out in public. I NEVER wear shorts now and am quite careful to even wear a sock that covers the entire 'ankle' area so people don't see a thing if my pant leg happens to get lifted at the bottom exposing that area. I worked extra hard so I could get a prosthetic months in advance so I'd have to spend less time on crutches hobbling around with one leg. I even threw the crutches away when I came home with my 'new' leg so I could 'walk' normal again, rather than learning and using them for a couple of months more. I try to avoid all activities that would give my 'secret' away and even attempt things I no longer can do...or do well...so people don't suspect. I even went climbing sand dunes on my hands and knees last weekend so no one would see I was missing a leg. I'm more embarrassed than anything for missing my leg because I don't look like everyone else without it...even though I have a peg leg now. On a day when my nub is sore, I do have a little limp when I walk...but I've increased my stamina to the point I can go over 3 miles now. I know most people don't react, but the few who do are the ones who get to me. I hate the stares and questions and wish people would look at me differently...even though I am now and not 'normal' like everyone else. I do whatever I can to try and hide the fact.

Rob, I admire anyone who has overcome that kind of situation and I don't think you have ANY reason to be embarassed. Sometimes people look because they're curious, not because they're judging. You can be proud of the fact that you have adapted to the loss of a limb.

i am sorry rob, i never knew that. I admire you for having the attuide you do. I know what you mmean about the stares, it happens a little to my daughter thanks for sharing your story. I personally don't stare at people with disablities, i know my kids do and I tell them that have a boo or something to made them happy, and then most of the time the look a way, one time my son walked up to some one and told them he was sorry they had a boo, which was cute but made the other person uncomfortable.. but they were pretty nice to the kid about it

basically I don't care what people think of me!
I sure hope it was because your hubby was crabby that day...I would have been very upset.

I have know a family with an autistic child. When I first met them it seemed liked they would let this girl get away with things because of her autism. Now they try to correct her and make her act like (normal). They seem more embarrassed by her now than when I first met them. The things that they let her do then seem to get on their nerves now.
The little girl one day was asking me the same usual question over and over again, she laughs when she notices someone getting tired of the game. Well we were having a good time when the her mom kept trying to make her stop, she was pretty crabby with her. Then the mom asks me if that ever got on my nerves? I told her not as often as you think. Only when I am really tired.
It was around that time when it dawned on me that the little girl was really doing it on purpose, she thinks its funny-so now its a game with us who asks the questions first.
I think that at anytime parents suffer stress, and just need quiet. I don't know your husband, but I would bet he is a really good guy and loves his family very much. After knowing my friends for only a few years I could see where someone would be frustrated with the situation.

i tend to think he was crabby. He is not normally like that. I know for a fact he is very proud of how far she has come..

i understand how your friend feels, i get that way too. She does not have autism, she just has delays, and boy it has been a hard ride

I don't know what that is. Could you tell me?

she has development delays. For instance, she is 3 and has the language usage of a 2 year old. When we did ot and pt she was about 18 months, she has since been discharged, and is now at 36 months.. is that what you meant? or am i miss understanding?

Its not like you were bringing attention to her "problem", you were talking to your daughter, interacting with her. All parent do this. Just because you are talking to her doesn't mean you are trying to draw attention to a problem that she has.

you know how he gets in the moods, he can just be a PIA, that is why i think it is crabbiness not embrassed

You're a good Mother Anne.
When my daughter was going through chemo, she'd come visit me at the bar I was bartending. She would just wear a hat or scarf over her head once all her hair fell out. I'd notice and she would of course, so many people would stop doing what they were doing and stare at her. Drove me nuts! Once after one of her visits, some woman yelled to me from across the restuarant, "Does she have Cancer?" Morons, the world is full of them.

i am sorry to hear about your daughter kim. I know how you feel, i do get stares, but i am getting used to them. If someone keeps it up, i kinda get nasty and say she has delays.

u should do whats in ur childs best interest - but also when it comes 2 ur very small children, u should b more focused on them vs what the general public may or may not b thinking - they likely have some problem/s 2

You're a great mom, Anne, and I hope you had a nice talk with your hubby explaining the fact that you weren't trying to draw attention to your daughter's problem, but merely conversing with her. If not, he needs to understand where you're coming from.

i think he does, cause he has NOT done that again, i know it very tense, cause we do get stares, and we do get some dirty looks, but that is why i think i am stronger person. I also deal with her daily, don't get me wrong, she has grown and caught up very nicely. The stares i am talking about is when she does not understand what we are saying. I have had people ask me how old is she?/ i tel them 3 and then comes the looks that she should no better

I'm glad he hasn't done it again. These stares and dirty looks from other people may be what's bothering him. Didn't Mom say that it isn't nice to stare? I know my mom did! In my opinion, these people are the ones with the problem, not you. More power to you, Anne!

Yep, he was just crabby. He's probably not with the two of you out in public as often as you are out in public with your daughter and it's just taking him a little more time to be comfortable with a slow speech pattern than you are. Of course he just might have really thought that you were bringing unnecessary attention to her, but he'll adjust as she grows and it'll become as natural to him as it is to you. Some days are just crabbier than others.

Aren't men usually crabby? LOL

I say do what you feel is best and the heck with everyone else.

yes brenda.....they are!!!!!! :)

I think people try to hide problems all the time, but we shouldn't have to.

brianne is the sweetest babe out there. tell jr when someone is staring, that they are looking at her cuz she's so cute. also let him know that crabby dads breed crabby kids!!! this is for jr.........get off the crab wagon & put on a happy face. you're an adult now, deal with it like an adult!!! :)

I have a grandchild with CF and about 55-75% deafness, we dont treat her any different, we love her, and make her use her sign or words for what she needs or wants.. tell hubby thing will be fine, and let it slide now unless he does it more often

Anne you dont have to give people any explaination as to whats going on with your child if they dont like it then they dont have to look.....I havebeen know totelll people this What are you staring dont you have something else better to do with your eyes'
i have been thru alot of things with sammi she use to only eat under the table and i have had people stare it me and i just stare back with evil look....and there is more things she did that was not normal but i love my child it is not the fault of the child it is the people around the child who need to understand or be educated.