Surgery or Not

I am in the middle of a big dilemma with myself, sort of.  Anyway,I have had several abdominal surgeries for a massive hernia.  I look and feel like I am walking around at least 9 months pregnant all the time but that is definitely NOT the case.  I am going through menopause in the middle of everything else and am mean and b_____all the time.  I try not to be, but it is very difficult.  I am hurting all the time from the severity of arthritis in my upper and lower back, which the hernia pulling on does not help at all.  Then the anemia makes me tired all the time.  I love seeing my grandkids but find I am usually too tired to do anything with them or hurting too much.  I have managed to get a few activities in but not a lot.  I am still working every day but finding it more and more diffcult to get up and moving every day and actually complete the tasks at work.  The only reason I have kept working this long, is that I need the health insurance, such as it is, I guess it is better than none, but all these expneses that are not covered are killing me to get them paid.  I would like to look into disability, but as long as I am working everyone feels I don't need disability.  I guess my future is just to keep working to pay for health insurance that does NOT pay hardly anything and eventually just fade into the background if I make it through the next few years, which I certainy am not enjoying a whole lot now, so what does the future hold for me?  I still need surgery AGAIN to repair the hernia, (the same one) and I am not sure I am ready for another surgery mentally.  After my dr. visit today, I will know more and will keep everyone updated.  Thanks to all who take the time to actually read this.  Keep me in your prayers please.