Love's Vision Renewed

Beautiful poem Lisa.  I love the message - Look upon the one you love, With your vision as one renewed - it's good advice and very rewarding to rekindle those feelings every now and then.

Thank you Nana, I hope it touches others as well.

Beautiful poem, Lisa.  It is very important to learn to look back on those first days you fell in love...It really helps get you through the rough times.

I have been watching my daughter walking on air. It is the first time in years she has met a guy she really likes. She was the start of this poem and my dreams of my own love the completion.

Very romantic and gentle. Thanks for sharing with The Poet's Circle.

You are very kind Jason, Thank you

I love the flow and the feeling of your words. There is a real positive energy in your verse. Except for one line, your rhyme is unforced and meshes superbly in your rhythm pattern.

My only problem is S3 L4 does not blend in your rhythmic cadence. The rhyme feels forced. 

I have read that stanza and I am not seeing the force in L4. Maybe I am not looking at the right one, as there was an area I wasn't sure was smooth. hmmmm.

very nice

thank you Tina

I wish I could offer a specific critique, but I'm -very- weak so far as rhyme and meter are concerned. I can say there is a sweetness of voice here that made it easy to read, and it seemed for the most part to flow well. The only thing I saw that might require a change was from the very end; should it be: "And you will find a special kind//of love that won't grow old!" ?

Thank you Corinna, you are right, it should be!!!

Corinna, Please don't say that. You don't need to know the terms to express your feelings.

William is right about that Corinna!

Oh, I know. I was approaching this as a critique, however. If I'm unfamiliar with the form, I can't critique it, so I limited myself to the content instead. :)

You need to read aloud and since your verse is lyrical, you need to tap your toes to the beat, but you do not have to do disco dancing, but considering all said, a Tango would be nice.

So, your first stanza has a very very beautiful flowing lilt. A good balanced poem in my opinion should have this same beat continuum in all following stanza. Now, beyond beat and something that's too often overlooked is the backbeat. hink of it in poetry as a sound pattern that keeps your words in sync with the beat.

You wrote:

Is it a life long journey: This phrasing's sound is too short.

I would suggest:

Will it be a life long journey

This is an odd response to your coment about my comment, but before any more comments got in the way, I wanted to just give you some things to think about and then I'll hopefully see a smooth edit.

I have always read aloud, but I don't always catch everything. Disco dancing is definitely on my list of don'ts...lol

I have been tinkering, reading, tinkering, reading, well, you get the idea. Let me know what you think...

love that never grow old...you leave me smiling!

Thank you dear Bhawana! To have you smiling is always a blessing!

 u give pure delight

To delight and enlighten are goals of mine. ;-)

The reminder helps, doesn't it, Lisa.

I hope to find out some day. It seemed to do wonders for my grandparents.

"Young love, first love,

Filled with true devotion,

Young love, our love,

We share with deep emotion"  Sonny James

That was the chorus.

A lot of wisdom is this poem, Lisa.

Absolutely sweet... and, well, very timely for me! :-)

Love and hugs - S.