"Do not let that happen again " . . . the hitter to the one hit as well as the victim to the abuser. "You just pushed me into the wall" because i was late coming home from work" . . . "hey B&$*H I told you not to drink my stash !" and it stung when the slap put her in the hospital with a broken cheek. These are real scenarios of incidents that occur daily across the globe. Domestic violence is not isolated to one culture, one region or one time . . .
Today's show is about abuse in relationships of teens using the bad press revolving around Rihanna and Chris Brown. Oprah makes a statement at the very few minutes of the show, that dating violence statistics rose: "1 out of every 3 persons (women) are attacked physically, emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually. Last year it was stastically proven as 1 in 4 were abused."
"Shocking", she exclaims because it is so prominent in our societal culture today. She emphasizes, "love does not hurt", but sometimes separation even a break up and most certainly infidelity, does NOT feel good. But it is not supposed to end up in the hospital with a broken rib, jaw, extremity, etc.
Both Tyra Banks and Oprah discussÂ leaving the situation, coming up in an abusive family both dysfunctional verbally as well as violent, physically, and significant ways to gain your strength back to not return to the abuse, but avoid it. It is very obvious that no matter what kind of up-bringing a young girl has, "the regular girl is just as easily pulled into abuse as a hollywood starlet, no matter the status", too many teens suffer at the hand of violent abuse. If in the teenage years ignoring any abuse is not resolved, the cycle matures into regret in adult life.
I ignored the signs which in my first abusive relationship, were not subtle in the least, but I thought he would change. That is the first mistake. I was raised to love myself but it was difficult when I met up with someone who was clearly jealous of me becoming independent and educated. A threat to some men, I suppose. But it took too long and almost too late, to leave this person because even though not subtle, controlling was what my daddy never did, so I thought it was 'normal'.
Not until I read my first psychology book on healthy relationships by Leo Buscaglia, did I find enough strength in myself to like if not love what I have become and leave this guy who clearly did not deserve nor appreciate nor respect me. I found the statement, "Once a hitter always a hitter UNLESS they are strong enough to break the cycle !", started to make sense especially if one in the relationship is not comfortable with themself. If that is all the abuser knows when dealing with conflict of interest, the action is repeated over and over.
When the word 'enabling' came out I remember how often my family has unconsciously enforced that particular behavior and then later seemed shock that what resulted from having whatever we wanted or getting whatever we needed, unfortunately raised spoiled disrespectful brats. In my studies I always read respect is one of the virtues that is not genuinely given, it is to be earned throughout ones human existence.
Therefore when demanded by any family member just because I am the offspring or neice or grandchild etc, they are the parent, uncle, grandparent, cousin etc--I don't dole it out 'just because'. That ruffles feathers and can seriously cause psychological abuse to ensue but I start it or even ask for it, if I do not deliver what another feels they deserve. You cannot make someone feel respected if they already lack self-respect, so if demanded, I do a 'personality check'.
"LOVE DOES NOT HURT" means actions should not cause suffering and words should not cause psychological distress. If both people regarding 'respect' can open a window to understanding each stance on it, the demand if not met won't be such a brutal awakening. There won't be a need to bring in physical harm because verbal choices will be diplomatic not degrading, destructive to the esteem, nor deliberate.
I cannot say that all men who hit once, hit again because I am not with those people to have stuck around to find out; but I do strongly believe if you can work on it, men and women, can break the cycle from being abusers or being the continued 'abused'. Start by liking yourself a little more everyday and forget about that stupid word called 'narcissism' because we want you to love yourself, FOR REAL !
Just don't ignore the signs and if its past the communication point, seek some help, please ! If communication, understanding separate family members position both cognitively and emotionally, then help is already foind its way in. I am not easy to get along with and have alot of work ahead of me to gain the respect I so have difficulty dishing out. A work in progress, that I am.