To celebrate Anti-Boredom Month, I've combed the internet looking for the most boring films, books, music and places so we can avoid them. Please don't go to, read, see, listen to, or watch any of these things until August.
Most boring film of all time
Sleep by Andy Warhol is the most boring film ever made. Sleep consists of a five hour close up of Warhol's buddy John Giorno sleeping. I had to watch part of this movie for a college course on alternative film. Thankfully, my instructor only forced us to watch 20 minutes of it. That was all he could stand.
Empire, also by Warhol, is the second runner up. The long-shot Warhol took of the Empire State Building and called a film, runs three hours more than Sleep, but the Empire State Building is infinitely better looking than John Giorno. (Somebody wanted to know if I watched this Warhol film for my class as well. No, my professor didn't require us to watch it. He said, "It's the Empire State Building. Eight hours later, it's still the Empire State Building. Just look at a postcard." Cheeky guy, that professor.)
Most boring song of all time
A Summer Place is the most boring song of all time. You've probably heard this song but don't realize it because you dozed off about a minute into it. This is the song people put on the RCA console record player just before they swallow a month's supply of Valium and lie down in their color-coordinated bedrooms to die. Lend an ear...you'll recognize it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykpbKOnN93w
Tubular Bells is the second-runner up. Tubular Bells is the tinkling theme used in The Exorcist. You might remember the first couple of minutes, but most people have never really heard Tubular Bells. Not because they got up for popcorn during The Exorcist, but because the song is 50 minutes long. Listen to the first 8 minutes or so if you dare. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSRJvq4Wd48
Most boring Olympic sport to watch on television
A staple of summer lawn parties, badminton is the most boring Summer Olympics sport. When someone erects a net and hands out rackets, you expect a game with some action. But the key to badminton, the very foundation of the game, is trying to anticipate the trajectory of a game piece designed to baffle the wind and slow momentum. This game has boring built into it on purpose.
Curling is the most boring Winter Olympics sport. What's curling? Ever notice the old men playing shuffleboard in the park? Like that except with ice and a puck the size of a skillet. Not as exciting as it sounds. If you haven't ever watched the Olympic curling event on television, it's because you weren't awake at 3:00 AM.
Most boring novel
The most boring contemporary novel is White Noise by Don DeLillo. This novel is pure postmodernist drivel. The protagonist is a stuffed-shirt professor at a dull college, who is burdened by three ex-wives and a passel of ridiculous children and stepchildren. Their absurd lives are explored against the backdrop of a disaster. The disaster is a mere chemical spill (though you will soon wish they had all died in an atomic blast) and the 'personal revelations' are obvious to the observer. The title is apt but for the wrong reason.
The most boring classic novel is The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. In my research into obtuse classic literature, I discovered several nominations for Hemingway novels, but The Sun Also Rises seems to be the most widely loathed of his works. In a nutshell: Rich expatriates chum around Europe, go to a nightclub, watch a bullfight, argue, watch the running of the bulls, get drunk, argue, swallow their regrets. Oh yeah, Jack might be impotent. Well, duh.
The most boring place to take a vacation
Forbes listed three cities in my home state on their most boring cities list. I've spent more time than I've ever wanted to in all three of them. But from personal experience, I chose Chandler, Arizona as the most boring place to take a vacation. The most interesting event hosted in Chandler is the annual Ostrich Festival, which will provide about 30 minutes of ostrich trivia that you can use to astound your friends back home. What Chandler lacks in culture and excitement, it makes up in remoteness and lack of fine dining. "I Mouldered in Chandler All Summer and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt."
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Comments: 24
Thanks for the boring list, lol!! How can a song be 50 minutes long? Yikes!
Beats me why it became so popular.
I saw (sort of) a concert of Tubular Bells on PBS once. My mother-in-law was watching it. We went in the kitchen and cooked dinner, ate, washed the dishes and came back out and it was still on and sounded like it was at the same place as when I left the room.
Personally the most boring book on my list would be "The Prophet" by Khalil Jibran (I probably spelled that wrong). I had to suffer through that think in high school. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for the warning! Lol!. I never had to read that and now I'm positive I never will!
OMGOODNESS! I had to read a sun also rises in high school and could not get through it and I LOVE TO READ all kinds of books. Very good list though. right on the money...so to speak...LOL
Lisa, I had to read it once in high school and again in college. The second time around I couldn't quite remember the details so I just got the little synopis booklet. Even the Cliffnotes were boring.
Oh my. The Exorcist album was always one of my favorites. I'd get in 'weird' moods sometimes and put that on late at night when I was trying to fall alseep. I guess that just goes with how weird I am.
Ok, Rob...uhm that's really, really, REALLY creepy. LOL!
Chandler most boring 'eh, lol? Dang, I guess I have to cross that off my list for this year...ha! Out of interest, what were the two other cities here in AZ that Forbes listed?
Boy, I do have a hard time imagining Chandler as a "vacation destination" though. Made me smile.... ;-)
Gilbert and Mesa were the other two John. I gotta tell you it was a real toss up between Chandler and Gilbert for me.
Gilbert and Mesa huh... Well, guess that means I'm off to Apache Junction for vacation then... LOL! That ought to be a treat... ;-)
Thanks.
I forget the name of the Hemingway novel I read, but it was boring, too. And it was a war story, no less! I may be a non-college educated blue collar type, but I think people like Nelson DeMille, Michael Connelly, and Tom Clancy totally blow away many of the so-call classic writers.
I'll bet it was A Farewell to Arms. Also mentioned several times a terribly snooze-inducing.
I'm pretty sure you are right. Not only was it boring, but it just had to have a sad ending. My lit teacher told me I needed to reread it when I got older, I would understand it better. I haven't bothered, I remember enough about the story (a bunch of macho superstition) that I don't feel the need to read it again.
I agree with you Bob. I had to read it in high school and again in college. Of course, I didn't actually 'read' it in again in college. I just skimmed the Cliff Notes, which was plenty boring anyway.
Thanks for the info. I'll definitely stay away from those things. Now, what are the least boring?
Julie, now that's another holiday. Maybe I'll ask people to submit opinions on that because its a good question.
hey! I like badmitton and Im pretty good at it
This is a great list! However, I love to go to Mesa on vacation - it's one of my favorite places to visit! (I guess you have to have a great brother there to really appreciate it...)
Maybe if your brother could open up a bed and breakfast, Forbes would reconsider having Mesa on the list. Right now, he's their only hope.
Hmmmm - I DO kinda use his place as a B & B... ;o)
interesting list but I have to disagree with the book category choices.