As I awake i begin to wonder if it was simply a dream?
Or was my tribulation a reality?
I stormed into the street to find i was the only creature.
I walked miles, which seemed to take an eternity
As I reached the Concrete Jungle I was startled to find I was still isolated
I opened my mouth to make a sonance,
Nothing,
As I silently screamed myself to pure oblivion
Not a stir was made.
When I became settled in reality once more
I am completely drowning in a sea of people of all shapes and consotum
As I struggled and was left in the dust i took my last breath and sliped back into the reoccouring cycle
As i awoke I began to fathom if I was dreaming
Or was my worst dream becoming my own reality.
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Comments: 16
It resembles a whisper akin to the one I have let out at the dawn... Very catching poetry.
The Saga of dusty roads of Utah
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and feed back...
It REALLY mean alot to me (:
Powerful, spontaneous poetry. Great work, Austin! Thank you for posting to our group.
Awh thank you so much
My favorite line is the last one, so well done.
Yea,
me too hahah! (:
Austin,
You've very effectively pulled this reader into a daunting sense of Dreamtime's whirlpools. The empty urban setting and your voiceless scream is especially haunting. When it smacks up against the chaos of the masses, I'm left with a rent in the fabric.
Keep writing. Thank you for posting to The Surreal Circus
Thank you so much!!
(:
sounds like you have tamed your ego!
Thanks. . . I think, 0_o
I was unaware that i had one
><
hehe
Hey, this was really good. You might try joining my group, if you would please. :)
Songs/Poems/Love letters
happy bday
aust this is very good and i think your gonna be great writer .
Hey Austin,
Here are a few suggestions. Take them for what they're worth. The dream v. reality contrast has been pretty much overdone, but is still good practice, since appearance v. reality is one of the principle alternatives in life. The waking up to discover you're only dreaming is especially cliched. Cliches are easily accessed, but they make tepid poetry if not used selectively.
Your second line is superfluous, unless you really think the reader won't get the contrast. Do you really want to say you screamed yourself to "pure oblivion" when you come right back? Do you really want the line "I am completely drowning..." to be the only one in the present tense?
I hope I can say without seeming condescending that you are a poet, on the way to becoming a better poet--as we all are.
i will take all your suggestions to ;heart that you (:
This was very good, sad in how isolated you are in this poem.