Yesterday I wrote on dignity and what you think dignity is? A very dear friend, Lonnie, asked me in his reply to the question what I felt about cremation. I first want to say to all of you no way is this intended to offend anyone. I as well know it is a hard topic for many. However, at some point in your life I think it is one you will have to chose if not for yourself in making your own arrangements so family knows your wishes then with a family member.
I am not for cremation myself. I really don't think it saves you money, the common reason for cremation. If you have a open viewing you still have to embalm the body, have a casket for the body, etc. This isn't saving there unless you just don't have a viewing. To me it takes away from the family saying their last good byes which is part of a healing process. One I still to this day haven't gotten over myself since my grandfather died.
I realize you will not know what is going on but the thought of your body burning just gets me. Then again how do we know that we don't know what is going on? Any of us die yet?
Then we get to the point what is done with the ashes? Is the family member going to keep the urn? What happens to the urn after that family member dies, and the next, and the next? I remember walking into my great aunts when my great uncle died. They lived in a cabin in Georgia. All along the top of the living room was shelf with family urns. I remember at the time never seeing an urn before how lovely they was and how she had a wonderful collection. When I was told what they were I got a nausea feeling thinking dead bodies was in the main room of the home all the time. My great aunt now has Alzheimer and lives with her son and his wife so they use that cabin for "family vacation" Now seriously will her great great great grandkids that don't get the chance of meeting her or the ones already dead really want to keep these urns in their living room? I am sure that cabin won't be in the family eventually. So what will happen to those loved one's bodies? Is keeping the urns part of not letting go? I believe it is, and yet no matter how hard I don't want to let go I don't want that reminder in my house.
We then get to scattering ashes. To me it would seem there would be some kind of health risk in some areas. Maybe I am wrong but if you put these ashes in water that eventually someone fishes in can you imagine? Again maybe this is just me.
I was told by my ex's family that scattering ashes was illegal when my ex father-in-law died. Apparently this is not true according to a page I found. There are however, laws for each state. For instance many national and state parks you must have a permit. Here is the page where you can look at the laws in your state. If you click on your state on the right hand side.
Now with all said and done I did find the process interesting. These two videos are part one and two. The first one even talks how your ashes can go into space or orbit if you want to pay it. For instance orbit it costs $13,000 I noticed these videos was published in 2007 so that is a couple years ago.
Now even though I am not for it, I will respect a family member's wishes. What are your thoughts? What are your wishes?
Please no one offend anyones beliefs to this.
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Comments: 30
I already have it written that medicine can take anything that's still working and fry the rest. Then spread the ashes over somebody's organic garden (ash is good for vegetables).
Well, I suppose that would be a good way to keep the spirit of the desceased alive in the garden, but at the same time, I can't help but feel as though it would be disrespectful in some way. I don't know why.
I absolutely agree with Walker. I will have no more use for my body and have no wish for others to be looking at my dead body and shedding tears. I have always thought "viewings" were a bit macabre and gruesome. And wherever my ashes end up, may they nourish the earth.
I've also told my loved ones that if I "go to my grave" with all my donate-able organs intact, I will haunt them for eternity. :)
Some people don't want a big funeral and prefer to be cremated, it is usually agreed upon beforehand. Ashes should not cause a problem.
Short and sweet. I would rather be cremated then rot with bugs
I try not to think about how I want to die...but when it's your time to go, it's time to go. No one in my family has been cremated...but I think each person should be allowed to choose whether to be buried or cremated.
If my dad is still alive when I die, there's no way that he would go along with me being cremated, even if it's something that I wanted. He would never speak to my husband again if he had me cremated. He feels VERY strongly about it.
I've never really given it a whole lot of thought. I have always known that my dad would be very upset if any of us were, so I figure as long as he's alive, there's no reason to even consider it.
Well, I truthfully like to have visitation where there is a body to view (for closure).....and then a "regular" funeral service; both my parents had the normal, regular funerals.......however, I had a very close friend who was cremated; his ashes were scattered over the city's Art Center, amongst the rose bushes! Yes, it WAS allowed! However, this makes it rough for family and/or friends.....no grave to visit, etc.....but it was his will. Today, was my SIL's memorial service. She was cremated right upon death (she did NOT want to be embalmed so had to be cremated within 14 hours of death).....a memorial service was held today, and her ashes were present (in a plain white box) at the service on a lovely little table on the altar. In a few weeks, as per her request, her ashes will be scattered at a sister's farm, with us, the immediate family in attendance........this, again was her request, and it will be honored. Cremation is becoming more and more popular today, but for me, I still think I like the "regular" way!!!!
That is how I am too Nora, rather have viewing for closure.
Interesting topic Renee, I'm not sure I have any personal preference either way... I've had family members who have been cremated, others not... I think it's all a personal choice (if the person decides before they die and family respects their wishes) or up to the family, as to what they do.
I haven't even thought about what I'd want done... I think cremation, but I don't know...
My brother (n law) was adament about being cremated. He was dressed and put on a table with a sheet over him for everyone to say their good-byes. It comforts my niece because she feels like he's still there. She often goes into her mom's room and talks to the wooden box (as he was supposed to be sprinkled on some property they were buying but hurricane Katrina flooded the area and my sis decided to buy a house elsewhere) so that's why he's in the box...My husband wishes to be cremated and put in the ocean though there are regulations about that sort of thing and it would take some sneaking to fulfill his request...Everyone's entitled to their view...I don't really care about my body. I know where my soul's goin and thats all I care about ;)
That is nice they dressed him and his daughter was able to see him. It is to bad hurricand Katrina ruined his wishes to be followed through.
I have always leaned more towards cremation but whatever costs less for my family is fine with me. You raised quite a few good points regarding cremation that I never considered before. Do I really want to saddle my loved ones with an urn that will constantly remind them of my passing? Not so sure about that now.
Some others bring up good points as well on the other side of the angle. Regarding the spreading of ashes. The link I sent has the laws for your state you can look into. There really isn't many laws regarding them. It just isn't something for me.
Jews don't cremate. We must be buried. All that said, I don't have a problem with cremation. I'm an organ donor, and I just might give my body to science after I'm past my ability to be an organ donor. If you donate your body, the institution (University, Hospital, etc.) covers all expenses and will bury you when they're done. That's probably the 'cheapest' way if you're concerned about money.
Jews don't have viewings either. A viewing is considered too painful on the mourners, and our healing is done by friends and family all coming together and refusing to allow the mourners to be alone for a week after the death. It's a fairly different view of grieving than the Christian one of a viewing, embalming, etc.
Rachel that is really interesting. I really didn't know that regarding the Jews. My ex husband's (2nd husband) father was Jewish. I didn't know him he died when my ex was 2 years old. Their mother went through with a few of the Jewish beliefs for the kids. That is really all I knew about Jews.
That is very interesting regarding donating your body to the institution. I have always said I would donate my organs, I even said donate my body to sicence but I never knew they paid for it.
I am not the cremation type too but if a family member requests it, so be it.
I am going to be cremated and like Walker, I will donate any organs that can be of use to anyone, if possible.
I have felt that I would like to be cremated. I was thinking about the fact that grave sites are getting over populated with large caskets, so I think I would like to be cremated and have my ashed burried with a regular headstone, just a smaller plot.
Possibly I would also want a viewing before the cremation is done...don't know for sure.
Oh, I've said in my will that I'd prefer cremation, but it's up to th' kids. They can bury me if they want to spend th' money and waste the land. I don't care what happens to the ashes.
I actually don't believe in cremation at all. Neither does my dad, Grandma, and my best friend.
My husband's father died when he was 11 years old. He was cremated, as per his wishes, with his ashes scattered over the mountains at his favorite state park. It's a beautiful place, my husband took me there the day after we were married. It really meant a lot to him, and was a kind of closure.
I want to be cremated when I die. I'm going to be living away from my family and I know the soul is no longer present in the physical body after death. There is no need to become attached to a grave, it is harder to let go. You can always have a memorial service - the people who are the closest to you (my husband, and parents) can always see my dead body if they need to, but I doubt they will. They know the same thing - the soul is no longer present in the physical body. :)
Cremation is alot cheaper. You don't have to pay for the casket. It would be like a rental if you are having a viewing. And you wouldn't have the expense of a lot, vault, etc. which is alot. And no one says that you have to have a viewing. I don't believe in spending all that money. I will be cremated and no viewing. Who knows what expenses there will be if you are in a hospital, etc. So, I will not add that burden of a funeral and all that. Just cremate me and have a little party later on with some good food. I always loved feeding people. Till me under in the garden. LOL!
Now see I didn't know you only rent the caskets either. That was one reason for me to do this article was as well learn more too. A friend of mine cremated her daughter, had a viewing first. We never really talked about it she knew it wasn't really my thing. She then buried her with my friends brother who killed himself and was as well cremated.
all of my family is aware that i want to be cremated after any viable organs have been donated. my significant other is also aware that the only reason to keep me on any form of life support would be for harvesting organs.
i don't want to be responsible for an expensive box taking up land when i'm no longer alive. as for viewing; every funeral service i have been to with an open casket has had someone in it that i did not recognize. the man in my father's casket was not the man i knew as a child or as an adult. i would rather have been left with a good image of him than what was in the casket.
i want my family & friends to remember me in the good times. find a nice picture of me & put it up in a restaurant; have some food & drink; talk about me & laugh at some jokes. take my ashes & scatter them around the flowers & trees in a nearby park. come visit me at the park & remember me fondly. :)
I personally don't want to be cremated but it was my father's wish B4 he died and we honored his wishes and spread the ashes over the ocean as he requested, but I have to admit I had a hrd time coming to grips with it. And it was cheaper than a casket but I want to be well rested in one myself.
While my husband wants to be cremated and his ashes spread in the ocean he loves to fish in, I'm still not sure. I think I'm leaning toward being buried. I am considering donating organs.
As far as having the cremains and urn around afterward, it is a common practice for many cemeteries to have a memorial wall with niches where cremains are interred, just like crypts are set in walls for those who don't want to be buried in the earth. These spaces are usually much cheaper than non-cremation spaces. Another solution is to have the box of cremains buried in the same plot as another family member... in one case in our family, the daughter's ashes were buried near where her father's heart would be in his gravesite, and her name was added to his headstone. Cemeteries usually only charge a small fee to inter the cremains in this situation. As for closure, in my mom's case, we had the urn at her memorial service, with two large easels with a picture of her as a child with my grandma and grandpa on one and a collage of photos from her whole life on the other. Since we had had a very long time with her in the hospital, this was a more positive way for us to say goodbye. The entire cremation and memorial service cost less than $1000.00, and her inurnment at Arlington Cemetery was covered by her service benefit. So, cremation does not have to keep you from having a solmen and beautiful ending, and you will still have a place to "visit" if that is important to you.
Paula sounds like you really did have a beautiful service. Thank you for sharing these with us.
you dont have to be embalmed
even if you want buried
they just wont open the coffin
I rather be buried, but i dont think we will have that choice soon