I heard from my dad via email two days after he found out I was gay. It was a very short email and since you don't know my dad, it will seem like a nice email. It didn't sound like my dad at all. I've read it to most of my family and they all agree that he probably was told what to write from the church.
Here it is:
Shannon
I am processing your letter at this time.I want you to know that "Jesus loves you very Much" and so do I.You will always be my daughter!
Love Dad
I am processing your letter at this time.I want you to know that "Jesus loves you very Much" and so do I.You will always be my daughter!
Love Dad
Again, now for those of you that don't know my dad. You're probably thinking "Oh, what a nice reply!" But to clue you in, this letter does not sound like my dad wrote it at all. First of all, he's never, ever used a line like "I am processing your letter at this time." And why are there " and " around the Jesus loves you very much? Why not just put Jesus loves you very much? When telling someone that Jesus loves you, would you put it in quotation marks? I know that Jesus loves me, but does he? My Mom once asked him if he would still love and see me if I was gay. He said he didn't know.
My dad is the kind of man who trash talks you (behind your back generally) but also spouts religion at the same time. He talks the talk but doesn't truly live the life or only lives it when he feels like it. He's not what I consider to be a real Christian at all. Now I've accepted that years ago that he is how he is. He isn't going to change. He's the kind of man where it's his way or the highway. You're wrong and he is always right.
I'm not replying to it yet because I don't know what to say. If he had said "Shannon. I have to think about you being gay and how I feel about it before we talk more. Love Dad." or even "Hey I think you're going to burn in hadesl, Nice knowing you." I would have believed it more.
My Mom told me that when he was in prison years ago that a lot of his letters she thought he didn't write either. So now I guess I'm getting it. Getting advice on what to say or write in a letter is one thing but you have to make it sound like it's still from you.
I have no idea what to reply to his letter. I know, it's such a small letter and I am stumped. Do I say "Good to know you're processing, let me know when you're done?" Or "Hey Pop, I'm processing how I feel about you processing my letter." Or "If you decide you don't want to shun me, let's have coffee?" :P
Any ideas?
I've been a little behind on thanking people for the comments they left on these articles.
I really appreciate the support. I know that there will always be haters or people who simply don't understand. You can look at all my gay articles and most of them have been rated down low. I leave the ratings on though, because 1) I don't care and 2) I'm not hiding. I'm not ashamed. I didn't come out openly on Gather for a loooooonnnngggg time because I did care to much what people thought but the last year, I've learned that what matters is how you live your own life and if you're happy. And for the most part, my family is happy! :)
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Comments: 18
I think your dad will come around after all your his daughter. Don't worry so much about his approval it's gonna come sooner or later.
I mean isn't he getting another daughter out of the deal ?
I don't think he knows what to think. Give him a couple days then write a sincere thank you for this reply.
How about.....
Dad, I was so happy to hear back from you. Your love and support means the world to me. I love you!
When my sister-in-law wrote her mom a letter telling her that she is gay, it wasn't well received. It was different because it was her mom not a father because my husband's father was killed when he was only 7. I think her mom felt like she had failed her or she took it personally. Either way the 2 didn't speak for like 4 years. I would pray that they would reconcile and eventually they did. His sister and her girlfriend are both welcome at family events and it worked out. I don't know what to tell you about your dad. I think a little time is always best in these situations. If he is being influenced by a particular church, then you probably won't get what your father would really say if he wasn't being told what to write. I know you want some kind of resolution right now and don't want to wait too long. I would probably write back and say hey I would like to sit down and talk to YOU because your email doesn't sound like you and when your ready to do that let me know.
Wow, that's tough. Maybe your idea about having coffee is the best one. If you're ready to do that, that is.
I have found that it's almost always better to jump to the most positive connotations that you can rather than to the most negative...so in this case, he loves you no matter what, and that's the statement to focus on.
Negative stuff is always there waiting to bite you in the arse... no need to anticipate it; if it's going to come, it's going to come.
For now, I vote you go with the most positive possible perspective and work from that - it's amazing how well it works.
Life is too short to worry about it. I know it is your father, but some people just will not change. Live your life and be happy. You are an adult. If he comes around that is great, but if he doesn't I wouldn't dwell on it. That just makes you feel worse and you have no control over it.
I don't know how to reply to this. I'm not gay myself, though I have nothing against gays, and think that if you're happy, then you deserve to be happy!
But that reply actually seemed a little harsh. I can't tell you that he doesn't love you simply because he's against you being gay, but what I can tell you is that if he's really so against it, there will be some struggle. The chain holding your father daughter relationship will come close to the breaking point.
But, after awhile, he will come to accept you as his daughter. It's natural. No matter how mad my mother or father have ever gotten at me, they always continue to love me the same.
Hope this helps.
Palmer
Well, I have no doubt that I am about to get the SAME news from one of my best friends in the whole world....She was married for MANY years and recently divorced... I had a feeling her new "roomate" was more than what she was saying..I had even told my husband that was the case....Then, tonight her daughter who is also a dear friend...told me that there is something her MOTHER really needs to tell me and since she hasn't dealt with it herself, she is going to let her mother tell me...
Know what??? It won't change one GOSH DARN thing between us...unless of course I don't like her new mate..that may crimp our friendship at times, but as far as how I feel about her.....NADA!!
I guess you can say: By the way, I "DO" know Jesus loves me. But my question now is....Do you? Let me know when you are done processing my letter. Have a nice day!
My first initial smart mouthed answer would have been the i'm processing your processing reply, but that would probably not go over so well. I think give him a little time and then ask to meet and talk. That way he can tell you what he thinks.
You know, I did think about doing the "Im' processing your reply" one but stopped myself from doing it lol.
Shannon, I'm not going to give you any advice, but perhaps give your dad the benefit of the doubt. I am very proud of you for being who you are.
Your mother is cool, and she loves you unconditionally. My feeling is that you should stick with those who care about you and forget the rest.
Words leaking out from a broken heart, no doubt...... This entire situation is so very sad..... And I am also refering to your own harsh words of opinion used against your Dad..... I don't know why the Lord put your posts in front of my eyes...... All I can say is there is MUCH pain, resentment, confusion and anger being held suppressed by all involved but the Lord works in mysterious ways so other than prayer for all of you, I have little else to offer........
I'd be stumped by that, too.
Good luck with it, though! At least you have so many others who are sincere in how they feel, and positive about your life :)