Lost Woman (A Narrative Scene For A RPG)

(This is a narrative scene I wrote for a character I have in a Role Playing Game.)

The long blinds covering the large window on the fifth floor hospital room were pulled back. The stars in the sky were barely visible past the glowing lights from another San Francisco night. Jeff was asleep in the chair, he had said he wouldn't leave her alone that night and really, even with Nikki beside her on the bed passed out, she could only lay there herself awake now; due to the medications given to her before she had slept much of the night in and out, between crying spurts. Her eyes still red and puffy, her body purely exhausted from having to have her unborn baby to feeling the pain that throbbed inside of her still. She was shattered like a broken mirror that fell down ten flights and smashed against the pavement. Adriannah blinked back a few tears, not wanting to disturb or wake either of her room mates for the night. She could appreciate their presence there with her, but she herself couldn't think or speak straight it seemed. Her head shifted slightly as she looked over towards the window, her brown eyes looked out as she sighed heavily for a moment and looked up into the sky from the angle she was in as best she could. It was a blur, yet played in slow motion in the back of her mind. Saying her goodbyes to the crowd as the performance wrapped, walking to get off the stage and tripping over the wire before she could stop herself, the pain of landing on her stomach on that speaker. She blinked back more tears, her vision becoming blurry all over again, her skin paled drastically. Adriannah so desperately wanted to believe both Jeff and Nikki in that it wasn't her fault, loosing this baby just wasn't her fault, but she struggled with it as she still very much believed it to be.

She sucked in a deep breath through her nose, than released it so slowly. She really wasn't trying to make much noise, but it was becoming difficult as she could feel the flood gates about to burst open all over again. "Oh God... why?" the words practically just a mere breath past her dry lips, as she kept her head rested on the pillow, her arms folded over her stomach. This emptiness was more painful than anything else she could recall in her life. Was she being punished by God for sinning after ten years of living her life so morally good? Pressing her lips together hard, her vision becoming more blurry as now tears began to slip from the corners of her eyes. Adriannah closed her eyes tight and shook her head ever so lightly back and forth, trying to fathom why she had to be punished in such a devastating manner. In the moment it all just hurt too much. She found herself not wanting to go on, if she couldn't have her baby with her, but she knew she could never do something as awful as taking her own life. It was the thoughts, the painful thoughts eating her alive as she laid in the quiet darkened room. With the only light inside room coming between the monitor that she was connected too and a very dim light over a long counter on the opposite side of the room.

Adriannah closed her eyes for a moment, she needed to pray. She needed to do something to try and ease this pain, to try and understand why this had to happen to her. Why couldn't she have her baby? Why did she have to miscarry? Was this all part of God's plan for her? Or was this really just a punishment for her wrong doing? Silently, she prayed...Dear Heavenly Father, Please help me understand your reasons. Why am I not to have my baby? Why am I unable to be blessed with such happiness? Is it because I sinned? Is it because I am not worthy to be somebody's mother? Am I going to hell? Am I going to make it through this? Will I ever be reunited with my unborn daughter? It was in that moment, her prayer felt interrupted by the movements of her sleeping sister, who had cuddled her in the hospital bed. Adriannah's eyes slowly blinked open as she looked over and saw the deeply saddened expression on her baby sister. She felt that twinge of pain inside her heart, as she watched Nikki sleeping. She lay perfectly still, always trying to be the strong one, no matter what the situation. She didn't want to let anyone down, even know, but it all hurt so badly, she certainly had lost all control of herself when everything had happened, the same questions from her prayer continuously circulating over and over again, tormenting herself, but not purposely. She was just lost and had no idea where she would turn or what would possibly happen next.

It seemed as soon as she turned her head to begin to pray again, a nurse quietly entered into the room. Being careful not wake Adriannah's sleeping guests, but coming over to check her blood pressure. Adriannah lay silent and looked to the nurse, with such a lost and lonely expression over her delicate face. With a sympathetic gaze, the other woman patted her hand, before checking the IV drip and giving the petite blonde a bit of medication to help relax her body again. Adriannah didn't want anymore sedatives or anything that would put her to sleep. She didn't want to sleep, she wanted to scream and cry and yell in anger and misery that she didn't have a baby anymore. Alas though, she was already too exhausted from everything, she didn't even feel the energy to speak at all. Her head fell to the side as she looked out the window again, while the nurse finished and left the room. Adriannah's mind raced with thoughts of everything that had happened, the incident playing over again in her mind still. Really, it did not take long at all as she looked to the stars, straining her eyes past the blurry vision due to her tears, before her eye lids started drifting shut. Taking another deep breath in through her nose, it was a heavy sigh through the same passage that left her just seconds after. Her mind still raced, as she tried to form those words to pray once more, but it was too much, the medication was doing its job and Adriannah was soon back to sleep.