I keep having dreams about you,
So close that I can smell your hair.
And I am mad at you so many times,
As I wrangle with my bruised feelings.
Why didn't I ever feel like your prize,
Even though I always felt
That I should have earned that affirmation?
Why does it matter , as you sit,
In an urn on the window sill?
In my dreams, I save you.
Always, I save you.
But you never say
How good that is,
How good I am.
So I will keep trying to win
Your nod and softest smile.
And I live for that night,
When you place your hand on my forehead,
And allow me to rest .
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Comments: 12
I can feel and understand your personal pain. Sometimes I have heard, mothers cannot give unconditional love to their daughters and leave them in a state limbo, yearning for the love they never had.
Wow... how very powerful this is, my friend. I don't see you here often, but you sure make an impact when you appear.
It really IS a powerful poem, I adore Patricia...
There are no better writers here on Gather, that's for sure.
I think what Bob said may very well be true. My mother loved me, my father loved me, my stepmother did not. After I was a very small child, I did not love my mother...but loved my father, whom I lost much too early.....
I really need to show my daughter more love. Sometimes it is difficult, because she is so bitchy.
Oh Pat, how painful that must be. And how well you express that pain. Unresolved issues can haunt us for a lifetime.
Why don't you take those ashes somewhere and let the wind blow them away. You don't need that constant reminder.
Thank you all, my ladies who support me even when I lapse away from gather. I have been away so long with work and mostly with getting my son ready for college. My Mom was a wonderful Mom, full of unconditional love. maybe the dreams speak to the fact that I was ninth of ten and wanted to be more singularly loved and appreciated. I know she loved and appreciated me. She just never said it out loud that much. Is that what I am searching for? I am also struggling with the upcoming "loss" of my son as he separates from me and goes off to college. As he breaks away, I must snip the tender cords a bit. Makes me miss him before he is gone. makes me miss my Mom.
Thank you all for your accolades. I promise to be back in force and delighting in all that you all write ....
oh Patricia - such a beautiful work - straight from the heart...all of your work is wonderful but of course this one stikes a chord with me too...I understand about your mother and you - it was in a way like that with us but I was the oldest girl and somehow we had a bond but it was difficult for her to show me affection - now that I look back I realize how much she gave in the way of love - and how spoiled I really was - I will write you about it someday...I am still connected to mama and we were always psychically connected all our lives but so much got in the way - now that she's in the great beyond - it's easier for us to communicate!! hugs, Salud
The more I read this, the deeper I can relate - you are a powerful writer, Patricia. Please keep in touch - I will tell you about louisiana over a bottle of red someday. Salud
wow, that is very emotional... great writing... Bless you
Oh, so sad... ((Hugs))