This is a rant.
I won a years supply of Sam-E on Gather and I love the stuff.
On Monday Jason's mom came over to help me clean the living room and dining room. Our whole house was getting so out of control. I try to get things done but with the kids demanding a lot of time and attention I am never left alone to clean. Jason sleeps ALL DAY then goes to school at night so he doesn't help at all. I really dislike him. But he did help on Sunday with the cleaning...for the first time in over a year (sometimes he mows and takes out the trash). He cleaned and fixed the computer desk.
So I was grateful for his mom's help with everything. But with her help comes her really annoying habits. The first was what I had in my basket. We have a basket in the living room that holds hats, gloves, scarves and whatever else comes off the kids in the winter that doesn't fit on the coat rack. In the summer it holds raincoats, umbrellas and a few other things that go in and out a lot. She suggested I put the kids shoes in there so that they are all in the same spot downstairs so they won't lose them. Good idea. But KEEP everything else in there too. There is plenty of room and we don't have a place for the other stuff. Of course, half an hour later the umbrellas were sitting on my chair and the basket was less than half filled with shoes. I put the umbrellas back and she saw so she said something about it. I told her I wanted the umbrellas to stay in there too. An hour later it happened again and again I put them back.
When everything was done she left then came back later on. Then she HOGGED MY COMPUTER! I think she thinks I spend too much time on here or something (not anymore) so she thinks she needs to "help" by getting me off. Or she is just annoying about this and really doesn't have an agenda. If she really wanted to help she would do this to her son and not me. He needs help. But anyway, she will ask to look something up, then she will spend anywhere between 1 and SIX HOURS going over what she looked up. She will just keep looking and looking and looking...and looking! The next morning when she stole the computer from me (I was only on for an hour and WASN'T done...and would be off for the rest of the day) she looked up the weather. She sat there for like 2 hours looking at the same map. Zooming in and zooming out. What was she doing???
One thing she was researching (while I was on Gather...HELLO?!) was Sam-E. She is aware that I have a lot of it. She has also been taking it, but a different brand. She wanted to know how I won so much so I showed her Gather but there are no Sam-E contests going on at the moment. So she started looking up side effects, benefits and other information. Every so often in the conversation she would throw in a comment like, "are you sure you need so much of it?" and "Wow, how much was that worth? Wow! I wish I could get it free. I need more." I was afraid to leave the box with her. I let her know how much I love Sam-E and we compared brands and instructions. I told her that I intended to use everything I was given. Then I decided that I would NOT leave the box with her. I watched her like a hawk. She wasn't getting MY sam-E!
Yesterday I had to leave around noon to run errands and I wasn't going to be back for a while. That meant leaving this woman alone with my stuff. Not a good idea. She had up to five hours to wreak havoc on my things. I didn't get home until about 7pm. When I came back the first thing I noticed was that the umbrellas were NOT in the basket! They were under a table by the front door (which is stupid because we don't go out the front door when we leave). My pillows that were under the table were missing. I found them somewhere stupid too. She had already started cluttering up the desk that we had just totally DE-cluttered. She started covering it with more vitamins and things she wants Jason to take. We just finished removing all of the vitamins and things she wanted Jason to take from the desk. Why would we want it back? And she threw out most of the vitamins in our cabinets. This would be alright, except that she also threw out my ZOLOFT! Who throws out someone elses antidepressants? Why? Okay...so there were only 2 left in there and I hadn't used them in a long time but I was keeping them just in case. If I didn't want them I would have thrown them out myself.
Another thing she does is throws out my magazines. Okay...so I collect (hoard) magazines. But I read them all! I really do. It takes a while to get back to one I've recently read but I always do. Once I get bored of one, or find that there is only a few things of interest I will throw it out or tear out a few pages and then toss it. She also tends to throw out things that she thinks aren't important, and ends up throwing out instructions for school or something. It really ticks me off.
She looks so innocent... 
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Comments: 20
lol oh my! Looks like she's overstepping a few too many boundries!
P.S. "They all look innocent!!" :)
Haha! True Ashley...
She has always been an over-stepper. I shouldn't be surprised.
well goodness~busy busy~my mom lives a nice 90 minutes away and doesn't drive~ we used to live in one household after she retired~and moved in with us~because she didn't plan~five years of EVERYTHING you decsribed above while I saved every cent to put her in a very nice semi assisted living facility~
we VISIT~
OUR HOME is off limits except in nice weather when we can all be outside and she can't get busy with much more than picking on the plant arrangement~what's she gonna do~landscape?lol~i don't think so~I feel you~
Ugh, S! I don't know how you could take FIVE years!!
I love visitors and I love help even more, so I am very grateful to her. She really does help a lot, but she doesn't know when to stop and she ignores my rules.
Thanks for posting to GG~
Um, Alex. Why is she there? Why do you let her in? You're pretty young and have kids, but there are times when you just have to put your foot down. You don't have to be mean, but IT'S YOUR HOUSE. If she can't respect that, then she shouldn't be allowed to be there. Honey, you are letting her walk all over you!
Oh Barb, my foot doesn't matter to her! Jason doesn't care what she throws out because he hates clutter, so he won't stand up for me and she doesn't always take me seriously (for the record, that is just how she is, she isn't doing it only to me!).
I let everyone in my house. I'm too nice! I do let people walk all over me. There are a few things I'll fight her over but I've learned with her to just smile, nod and ignore. Besides, I appreciate the help and sometimes that is worth the PIA!
Oh gosh, you poor thing! I remember when we first moved here, and I was actually going to an office, Mike was out of work at the time and was home unpacking. It had been a hard week, with moving and Mike finding out he did NOT have work and what not, and we were very stressed out. I remember calling him from the car on the way home and he said his mom was over, and Alex he was near Tears!
When I arrived, I found out why! She was unpacking and putting things away where SHE thought they should go. She had my spices in the pantry instead of in the cabinet over the stove, she had my pots and pans in weird spots... and she just would not STOP even though Mike told her over and over that WE wanted to set the place up. She just would not leave! I had to throw her out... and it wasn't the first time I've had to be harsh with her.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. She really should be more on her son then you... sounds like she needs something else to do... a job or something. Maybe she could get a hobby? My MIL started doing her own stained glass and it is the best thing that ever happened to us LOL. Now seeing her is rare!
At least I'm not the only one who has to deal with a mom that insists on moving other peoples things. I can't tell you how many times I've lost something for months because she moved it and didn't remember where she put it!
When it comes to kicking someone out I have to make Jason do it. The MOST aggressive I can be is passive-aggressive. Unless it has something to do with my kids.
She has a boyfriend and work now. So she rarely comes over anymore. I really do welcome it, even if she does drive me crazy because I get so lonely, being with just kids all day. But when she was unemployed and had no boyfriend she was over for days at a time and I was going nuts.
I would totally ask her to come over to watch the kids while you run out, then go to her house and rearrage crap. Then come back and act like nothing happened. But that's me and I'm spiteful LMAO. Oh but its fun to think about doing something like that isn't it? {{{HUGS}}}
Alex, you sound so much like me, it's scary. Don't take as long as I did to get a spine. Spines are wonderful things. They let you hold your head up high, you see sky instead of the ground all the time, and you can actually take a deep breath easily.
I've been in counseling for most of my adult life, but I've gotten farther in the last 5 years than in the 50 before it. Lots of people have problems like you describe, and lots of people find ways to deal with it that don't include giving in. Sometimes compromise is the best, but sometimes you just have to stick up for yourself.
Look into meditation, counseling and EMDR. It's made a huge difference in my life, and while my family didn't like the changes at first, they are coping with it and finding that it's not so bad after all. I am a much more pleasant and happy person, and therefore much nicer to be around.
There are many facets to taking care of yourself, and sometimes you just have to pick one and work on that for a while, but trust me when I say that if you start now, you will be much farther along than if you don't start at all.
I completely understand not being able to kick people out. But there are ways to be firm and still loving. There are ways to have things the way YOU want them without being awful to people. Most likely her meddling is a misguided desire to really help. I'm a meddler in some ways, too, but it is possible for people to help without imposing their will on you. "If you really want to do something that would make me happy (or be helpful), this needs to be done. You're so good at it, and if you did it would be such a huge help." The idea is that you channel the energy and reward effusively. Just like training a dog.
I like Pamela's idea! LOL! Sometimes you do have to do things like that to make your point. (but it only works when they're in the room)
Hahaha Pamela! I would totally do that if her stuff wasn't as bad as mine. She would never notice if something was misplaced! She would think she did it herself!! I'm spiteful like that too. I've thought about it, but I know it wouldn't work. I'd never do anything that would really hurt anyone, but having a little fun is harmless :P
Barb, the Sam-E has helped me in so many ways. I don't have anger problems like I used to. The things she did in the past two days would have INFURIATED me before. Now it's kind of funny and annoying at the same time. Not having the anger issues has changed so many parts of my life. I really think it could be a lifesaver for me!
She does what she does, I think, because she feels like she has little control and controlling someone else I guess makes her feel better. She is more dysfunctional than I am in some areas and I need to remember that!
" 'If you really want to do something that would make me happy (or be helpful), this needs to be done. You're so good at it, and if you did it would be such a huge help.' The idea is that you channel the energy and reward effusively. Just like training a dog."
That is a very good idea. I will start doing that. Baby steps to growing a spine. I love the dog training reference!!!
Bob, stick with me hun, I give a lot of thought to my revenge tactics LOL. No one gets hurt, but they do go nuts for a tiny little while! LOL
I won a years supply of Sam-E on Gather and I love it too!
It's great stuff! I am really enjoying it :)
I have tried Sam-E from gather and I have seen some changes at the end. I think it is great think , specially when you can be moody as me. But about your MIL. I am not sure I would ler her at my house y herself and let her go through my stuff. i would freak out if someone would just throw away my stuff.
It really helps with my mood, especially when dealing with Jason or my son, and sometimes my daughter. They all know the right buttons to push to really make me angry.
She and I would have to have a "come to Jesus" meeting. A major confrontation of the minds. I would thank her for all of her help with the children and all and then I would tell her to leave everything else alone. I would remind her that I do not come to her house and mess with her stuff. I would politely but firmly tell her that "this is MY house and I like my things a certain way." I would tell her that if she continues to werck havok on my house that she would no longer be welcomed. Hopefully, your husband would stand up to her with you, like mine would.
Be firm and demand your house (and computer) back.