Girls, You've Got Some 'Splainin' to Do: Collaboration #9 w/ Barb Carlson

The local police showed up first. After some chest-thumping and posturing, they reluctantly agreed that Skip was indeed a less than stellar example of humankind and most likely deserved what he'd gotten. What he'd gotten apparently included a broken nose and perhaps a fractured jaw.

He babbled on to the point where they thought he might have been brain damaged, but apparently one of the locals knew him and said it was normal for him. They stored him in the back of a squad car until they could take him to the local hospital. Skip was more than happy to be safe inside the car and away from the "crazy redhead and her murderous bear."

He apparently didn't notice several cops covering snickers with their hands and clipboards.

After Skip was stored, there ensued a heated discussion about whether or not a bear would dismember a man without provocation. The consensus was that it would not, but they had no other way to explain the condition of the body and reluctantly agreed that's what must have happened.

Mostly, they just stood around trying not to look too green until Detective Benning arrived.

* * *
Detective Benning took a quick look at the carnage, got the "quick and dirty" from the local police, and motioned for the rest of his team to get photos. Then he told his assistant to let him know when the Coroner arrived and walked briskly up to the farmhouse door.

Dixie silently held the door open, and he made a bee-line for Launa, who was still on the recliner.

"What in God's name happened out there?" he demanded. "It looks like someone stepped on a landmine! I have never seen such a mess at a crime scene in my 20 years on the force!"

Launa grinned sheepishly. "Apparently the bear around here don't like gang members. Or, maybe they do like them, just in a violently inappropriate way."

Detective Benning just stared at Launa. Finally, he said, "Are you serious?" He looked over at Tia and turned to look at Dixie. "You're telling me a bear did that?"

"Sorry Detective," Dixie said. "I was rather busy preserving my virtue at the time. Just ask Mr. Macho Stud out there in the squad car." She frowned at him and said, "What? Do you think we ripped him apart with our bare hands? As for the bear, He's been hanging around since we got here. I think he took a liking to Launa, and was protecting her."

Tia blinked and said, "Do I look like I could dismember a 170-pound man?"

Launa shrugged and said, "Don't ask me. I was unconscious when it happened."

Benning frowned. "Unconscious?"

"Didn't they mention the part about how our missing gang member demanded to know where I was, and managed to nick me on the head when he shot at us?" Launa said with raised eyebrows. She pulled her hair back to show him the wound.

He grimaced and opened his mouth to say something, but Launa cut him off. "No, I don't want to go to the hospital. Dixie is a nurse, and she can put a bandage on it. I was just waiting for my head to stop ringing."

Then Benning squinted in the half-light and flipped on the overhead light. "My God, you're both covered in blood!"

Tia pulled her shirt out to look at it. "Yeah, we are. And it's really gross."

"Is that ...?" he pointed outside.

"Yes, it's from the body in the yard," Launa said.

"Okay," he said. "I need you to start from the beginning."

The Coroner showed up about 15 minutes into the story and bagged the body. It took almost 45 minutes to relay what took no more than 5 minutes to actually happen.

Dixie told the Detective of how she had been out for a walk, had spied the car in the woods, put two and two together, and ran back, arriving just in time to see the men walking up the drive.  She informed Det. Benning that she didn't see any of the bear attack, beyond seeing it run toward them,  as she was "otherwise occupied" beating the living daylights out of  the man who attacked her.

"I'll admit it. I went bat shit on him. I totally lost it. Frankly, I didn't know I had it in me. I'll be honest, I was raped and left for dead a few years ago, and I think my mind just wigged out when he started singing that song and started pushing me toward the door. He's damned lucky I don't know how to call a bear, or he'd be bear kibble about now."

Benning sat at the kitchen table and tapped his notepad. "I know in my gut there is more going on here than you're telling me, but I can't figure out what." He looked at Dixie, then Tia and finally Launa. "And you ... why are you not flat on your back? Weren't you beaten, shot and stabbed only a few days ago?"

No one said a word.

Finally, he shook his head. "I'll be back tomorrow with some papers." He looked at Dixie, "You'll have to file a complaint against Mr. Denton tomorrow with the local police. Do you want me to bring those papers, too? I assume you'd rather not do it tonight?"

"Yes Sir. That would be nice. I have something I'd like to discuss with you as well, but it can wait till the morning." Dixie smiled sweetly, as she noticed that the Detective was rather pleasant on the eyes.

Launa said, "That would be good. Maybe my head will have stopped hurting by then."

Benning just shook his head and stood up.

"So I can go get a shower now?" Tia asked.

"Yeah, whatever," he said as he started for the door but stopped and said, "If you have a hose, I can have someone hose the cars off for you."

"That would be awfully nice of you Detective, but I think it may take more than a hosing to get that mess off of there. Any chance you might ask them to strip to the waist to do it?"  Dixie laughed, and looked directly at Det. Benning, rolling her eyes comically, "I'm just kidding, sheesh! A girl can ask, can't she?"