I thought I had done everything right. I knew they had to be carefully taught to stay on the path, strong in their convictions, to resist peer pressure, reject conventional thinking and make their own decisions. I assiduously kept them from the insidious influences of dogma, ritual, superstition and belief in mythical beings, including Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, unicorns and gods of any kind. I taught them to read everything, believe nothing until proven to their intellectual satisfaction and question all authority (except their mother, of course).
And, for the most part, I succeeded. My son became a biblical scholar in order to combat the religious cults that stole the minds of vulnerable youngsters. He worked as a deprogrammer for several years, having developed an amazing facility for debunking one gospel passage by quoting an equal but opposite postulation. I have seen him bring Jehovah's Witnesses to tears, using nothing but his bare hands and an encyclopedic knowledge of scripture. He far surpassed me in his pursuit of religious information, but arrived at the same conclusions as did I. He became as devout a post-theist as his mother, swelling my aged heart with pride.
And then the roof fell in. His youngest child, my once adorable blue-eyed blond baby grandson, just turned thirteen and decided he wants to be Jewish! His Myspace icon is Superjew, he's combing the 'net for a 'cool' yarmulke (which he couldn't find because he had no idea how to spell it), and he's trying to grow payis (those curly sideburns, Jewish dreads, for the edification of you goyim).
When asked why he had these odd desires, he replied that he liked the food, especially matzoh balls (yeah yeah...matzohs have balls) and latkes. And, of course, because the clothes are "cool". Please bear in mind that this kid lives in the second hole in the bible belt (Carson City, NV) and the nearest synagogue is forty miles away. I'm sure he's never met a rabbi, doesn't have a clue about the customs or culture of Judaism, and thinks 'kosher' is the name of a deli. And yet, the Jew gene apparently will not be denied, despite the best efforts of two generations of vehement anti-religionists.
So I can't help but wonder where I went wrong. My beloved grandson has rejected the non-faith of his forebears and reverted to blind theism. As a grieving grandmother, I can only ask: this is adolescent rebellion? Why couldn't he start smoking weed, like a normal teenager?
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Comments: 48
It could be a lot worse, you know. He could have turned out to be a Republican.
Wonderful, Dame Ruth. I read it and giggled, then read it to my wife, who just roared!
She grew up a nonbeliever in West LA, the kosher capital of the Universe.
I am sending this to all my friends...Jewish and goy.
My kid decided to rebel by becoming a... Catholic. He had rosaries. He had a Pope-Poster. He was watching all manner of CCD classes with horriyingly plain nuns on the local God Channel.
He got bored. This proves to me the Universe, given enough time, does right itself eventually.
But I loves me some Latkes, My Friend, Dame Ruth. I kinda get why that would be a draw -- and a better draw than, "You get cool toys & stuff," which is what I heard.
I am at work so I am not typing on a normal keyboard. Please excuse any and all typos, to wit: My missing "f" in "horrifying" above.
I was worried that my kids would be two priests and a nun to get back at me. Luckily they didn't feel the need to rebel and they're are all happy little atheist heathens.
Tell your grandson that he can eat as much kosher food as he wants and still be an atheist.
You know, it's all about the food.
I just chuckled so loud I startled George and Grace, my two Cockatiels, into flying out of their cage... and then I read your tags and that made me spew my coffee all over my keyboard.
Y'er a damn wicked writer, Dame Ruth... I love ya to pieces!
Poking Bibles with a spoon!
Ahahahahahahaha!!
He is following the family trend Ruth! Heavens, if he lives the the Bible belt, [the mainly new testament one] this is first clod hopping step to rebellion. He wants to be different, and show it.
The only thing is, with the tzitsis, the heavy ghetto hats, or Kappel/ Yarmulke, dark clothing, even when it is stinking hot, I wonder how devoutly he will stay to his presentation and his rebellious cause. Sure, he'll find the food, btw, tell him latkes, honey and baked cheese cakes are fatty, full of cholesterol and unhealthy, go for borsht .
You can never keep a good bouncing gene down, you of all people should know that :)
How would smoking pot be rebelling against you?
It wouldn't be, Inapie...just against society at large. Actually, his big sister (Jess) rebelled by NOT smoking pot, drinking or having sex. She was a real handful as a teenager!
Got to rebel some way or other!
And here I was thinking the Greek Orthodox Church was the way to go. They have excellent deserts and their churches are gorgeous! Partying is also a sanctioned sacrament.
Very true! We have a four-day Greek Festival here and it's one of the high points of the summer because we can get all those honey-drenched desserts. Diples, especially. Mmmmmm
Ohhhh, the Greek festival! Now I'm craving baklava. :)
ADD AN "S" TO MY DRY DESERT, PLEASE. I'm using Jim's laptop and it's tiny.
Considering the options, I think I would prefer Jewish to Fundamental Christian.
I'm with Grems. All my Jewish friends are reasonably normal, and all my fundamentalist friends... uh... wait a minute, I don't have any fundamentalist friends.
I am the least religious member of my birth family; one sibling says that if it isn't in the Bible, it never happened, such as ice ages and dinosaurs and stuff.
I raised my sons RC so that they'd have a frame of reference for understanding points of view and religious concepts, but with Orthodox Jewish in-laws there was no good reason to hold a hard line. I suppose it's the grandkiddies I have to watch out for, if your experience is the example.
I'd say the young one who is interested in yarmulkes and matzo will outgrow his fascination. He is more drawn to the traditions and food than to the beliefs. I wonder why you would teach children to reject any form of thinking rather than encouraging them to study and learn as much as possible.
Thanks for posting to Fugitives from Ignorance, Conformity, and Peer Pressure
Relax, Jan. You're evidently not acquainted with my admittedly skewed style of tongue-in-cheek observations of the world. I can assure you, all three generations of my offspring have been and continue to be heartily encouraged to think, to explore, to come to their own conclusions about everything...religion included. I just thought it amusing that my youngest grandson opted to label himself "Jewish" for no reason other than he thought it was "cool". The fact is, I gave him a mild scolding on the phone last night, telling him that if he really wanted to go down that road, to learn something about it and to understand there was more to adopting a religion than acquiring its appurtenances. His dad's library contains innumerable volumes on theology, many of which I've contributed. If you knew anything about me, the last thing you would accuse me of is "teaching children to reject any form of thinking". That idea is even funnier than my grandson's attempt to spell "yarmulke".
My misunderstanding, indeed. Sorry. At least he didn't call the yarmulke a beanie. If his Jewish phase continues, encourage him to learn to make potato knishes. Jewish foods are so good!
Perhaps its really the Bar Mitzvah that he's longing for, and not so much the food.
I think one of the most unfortunate things about our society is that we no longer have any rites of passage outside of religious traditions, especially those that celebrate the transition from child to young adult. If we could embrace the tradition of such rites without the religious, I think we, as a society, would benefit greatly.
I tend to agree that our society is lacking in rites of passage, although some I've seen in other cultures are a bit too primitive to import. I'm thinking of the Balinese practice of filing the canine teeth of children at age 13, the African tribe that scars boys by cutting them with sharpened sticks to produce an alligator-like skin, the group that circumcises without anesthesia at the onset of manhood, and similar non-religious rituals the world over. Maybe we can invent some non-religious, preferably non-maiming ceremony to celebrate the transition from childhood to adulthood. Ideas?
Agreed that many cultures have extremely barbaric rites of passage. I think something akin to the Native American vision quest, or community wide celebrations that welcome the young adults into the "tribe" could work well.
Even simple family celebrations of adolescent transitions would do wonders, especially for young girls who are all too often taught to be embarrassed or ashamed of the changes.
When our son turned 13 we asked people to write him a letter about who they saw him as and how he has grown to be this young man. We also asked them to share some piece of knowledge that helped them when they were an adolescent.
That's exactly what I mean, Grems...it's simple, yet I'm sure was very meaningful to your son.
But we do have rites of passage...getting your driver's license at 16, getting your first speeding ticket the day after getting your driver's license, puking up your first beer shooter, and getting turned down for sex by the heavy girl you took to the senior prom with the express purpose of getting laid.
Hey, my nine-year old wants to be Jewish, and we are sorely in lack of any Jewish gene (at least as far as you can tell such things if you're from Central Europe). The reason he gives is that "Jewish people are smart". He knows this because his older brother told him.
Sounds like his older brother is already Jewish.
Well, he's sometimes taken for a nerdy Jewish kid, which was how that conversation started...
A couple years ago, I had my genes "mapped" by one of the projects that are studying genetic distibution across the globe.
I have a genetic marker correlated to Jewish inheritance (hedged with numerous caveats - the project is careful about racial/religious demarcations).
I knew that there was a reason I crave deli food.
Episcopalians don't have cool food (only cocktails).
not bad, mind you.
Well, at 13 I was a Southern Baptist that dreamed of being a nun. I was so jealous of my friend because she had four names... Sandra Mae Bernadette Sauer. I wanted a confirmation name. I brought it up at Sunday School. My teacher reminded me that Catholics store guns in their church basements for when they take over the world. I kept my dream for about six months and got over it. See, it could be worse, he could want to be a nun.
Your story brought back a memory of my five-year-old self, seeing a group of little girls trooping to church for their first communion, all dressed like tiny brides in their white dresses and veils. I was so envious, I snatched the mosquito netting off my infant sister's pram, draped it over my head and trailed them to the church door where I was stopped by a stern-looking nun. I occasionally wonder what would have happpened if she had let me in.
I wish she had let you in. You may have enjoyed the service even if you were not participating in the ceremony.
My sister wanted to attend Catholic school because the plaid skirts and knickersocks are sexy.
Ah, my rebellious days...going to church with any friend that would take me (although, I thought what they were talking about seemed insane, and I always had to check with dad that it wasn't a cult), not having sex and being proud that I had dared to stay off of drugs. Yaya, did you know that Uncle Stu thought I was a lesbian because I never brought a boyfriend over. As if I would bring anyone I cared for to those disastrous, drunken, fighting on the kitchen floor "family gatherings".
Hopefully, Tristin will see the light and go back to being one of us...I am just afraid that he will think the Amish garb is cool at some point.
Your excellent article has been featured in the group Fans of Gus the One-Eyed Cat. Thanks for sharing it with the group.
I kept my mouth shut and she did grow right past that idea.
and the youngest keeps pulling up my hip huggers and refers to everything non churchy as inappropriate~and drones"Jesus wouldn't like that." over and over again~ =O
the older one lives on her own with her son so I only get biweekly attempts at saving my soul from her and she cuts the sh** out when I stop the car and invite her to walk the rest of the turnpike home~