Two Poems (in the style of Triolet) for June's Writing Essentials

Thanks for teaching me about that. I liked "Ode to Van Gogh" best.

I LOVED those - those were wonderful !!!

Ohhhhh...these are excellent...really enjoyed the poems and I'm learning a new poetry form...thanks

Very nice! Wish you had a picture for the second, as well.

I'm not good at following poems that have rhyming schemes. I was reading your instructions for this one and said, "Huh?" Te he!
Even so, I like your poem it was lovely.

Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting

That should say, I liked your poems!! Poems plural Te he!

thanks for sharing your poem

Very well done.  I could never be that structured. 

Christine, these are both a joy to read.  You've added a great deal with precise titles.  I like the snippets of thought that the lines convey.  In the first poem, the words:  can paint repeat  were the only words that seemed out of place.  I understand how and why you need them there, but there might be some other words that would flow with the rest of the poem more smoothly and naturally.  And even so, it's good the way it's written if you chose not to change it.

In the second poem, again, it's just right as is, but...  :-)  I think you could improve it by choosing *either* swim suit or beach towels.  Each of those items is referencing the same activity, the same place.  If you picked a new aspect of summer to convey--maybe a reference to another sense, such as  cotton candy or cicada drones--that would deepen the many images you already depict.

Thanks for your comments. I wonder if you like the line

"empty beach chairs, a slice of moon" instead of the "swim suits, beach towels..."?

Hi, Christine.  I see that you posted these to many groups but not Susan's "Mindful Poetry"--I would suggest you add that group.

I especially like the way you melded the last two lines in the second poem, interchanging parts of lines 1 & 2.  Well chosen subject matter and well crafted in my opinion.

Or perhaps you did submit it and Susan just hasn't gotten around to moderating yet.

I didn't know about her poetry group. I got the message from the mass email to the Writing Essentials group, but I have since joined the "Mindful Poetry" group. It was really a fluke that I found this; I don't even usually write poetry much, but something about the trickiness of the Triolet form caused me to want to give it a go.

Apparently Susan sent the triolet message to Writing Essentials by mistake.  I'm glad "we" found you.

I love both of these, and I admire anyone who can work with repeating poetry forms.  It's a pleasure to discover another good poet on Gather!

Christine, Truthfully, not being much of a poet, I thought the examples given were merely freak accidents. Surely repeating the same lines a few times, PLUS making other lines rhyme, PLUS repeating the second line at the end was bound to make the whole thing sound like a jump roping, sing-song, kinda children's poem.

Boy, did you (and Susan) prove me wrong! Both of these bring images to my mind, like Shakespeare was able to do - unnoticed rhyme. Nothing seems forced, just sheer, beautiful poetry. No freak accidents. These are very good!

Thank you. I'm thinking I can't pull this off, after seeing what you've done. BUT, am inspired to give it a try, because of what you've done.

I love these. You certainly show how to make the rules work into something beautiful.

Thanks for your comment! The reason I even decided to try and write the poems is to see if I could follow this format. I was amazed at what other people produced. It was very challenging to get the rhyme scheme right and have it "make sense."

I like what you chose to use for your repeating lines in the Van Gogh triolet. The chair line refocuses on the solitary artist and the repetition of the crows works with the idea of flight. I'd consider just writing crows rather than black crows, the word implies the color.   There are new studies about what might have happened to Van Gogh's ear (he might have been attacked by Gauguin).

You are probably right about the use of "black." The bandaged ear ties in with the chair, which was from the house at Arles that Van Gogh and Gaugin shared for awhile (before they fought and Gaugin left).

Christine, your triolet are delightful. i love how you have varied the repetition throughout so as to break up the monotony of the form. Of course, I am drawn to the first one out of my sheer love for Van Gogh, whose spirit you have done a superb job capturing here. Both are quite excellent.

Wow, that's high praise based on the poetry I've read of yours. I have to admit that after not having written poetry for such a long time, this challenge by Susan B got me interested again. One thing I was so happy to see is that the writers had a range of themes and didn't overfocus on love and all its ramifications. Am I too jaded? I'm tired of love poetry.

Oh beautiful poems Christine and what a great tribute to that tragic painter, who never sold a painting in his lifetime.

Thanks for your kind comment. It makes you wonder what Van Gogh would think today if he knew what prices his work garnered or how many people love his work.

Oh yes and he had such a miserable life the poor artist. He wouldn't have believed I guess.

Wow...I din't even know you wrote poetry...is there any type of art you haven't conquered???

Both are good. I like "Ode to Van Gogh" better!

I hope you have a very happy weekend! Good weather, good health, good friends...and maybe a summer fair or festival!

great job Christine! Keep em coming.