Memories of Chris

Excellent article! There is someone in my past that I always wondered about, what might have been if we had been on different roads at the time (back in 1972). Somethings are just not meant to be.

Because of my parents I could never marry or stay with anyone with an alcohol problem. Alcohol rarely loses.

My dear friend Heather you are so right about alcohol rarely losing.  My Parents were adamantly opposed to me even dating him and at my age who should have cared?  I tried being with him once and left everything behind in Dallas.  Just packed my van with the most important things to get me by until I could get it together in Phoenix but it just didn't work out.  I had to leave him not once but twice and the third time I had to just let him go out on his own. 

As much as I wanted to and as much as I was in love with his spirit, I couldn't risk everything that I had worked so hard for in my life to give it all up for all of the uncertainty that being with him would bring.

Thanks for reading and for understanding.  Somehow I knew that you would.

Those what might have beens sometime get me too but I know you made the correct choice. 

Thanks so much Angie.  I thought that I might have to be melancholy all day because of this.

I do believe that I made the right choice.

Very moving story. I'm glad you had the strength to leave him....sometimes there's way too much baggage attached, no matter how much you love someone. Thankfully you never married him.

Thank you Elizabeth.

I had to leave him.  I weighed the pros and cons and my decision was based heavily on what had occurred in Phoenix and how he had been.  He was a loving and kind and a gentle man but when he drank he turned into someone that I did not know or want to know. 

Frankly it was quite scary and I'm not used to scary in life only movies and this was no movie.  It was my life. 

We were wonderful together...

I can tell that it broke your heart. I'm sorry.

I know you did the right thing, but how hard it must have been!  To find that kind of loving connection with someone is so rare.  HUGS..

I couldn't leave with him when he was getting ready to leave Dallas in January of 2001.  He tried every which way to convince me to go but I had decided what was best for me.

There was a connection between us that I doubt that I will ever find again.

Thank you my friend.

Excellent article!

Why Carol, thank you very much!

youre most welcome

I know you made the right choice but he will always hold a place in your heart.  I was the except same way about a guy but once I found out abou the drugs I had to go.  I wonder about him everyday but I know in my heart I made the right choice too.

I know what you mean because sometimes there are days that go by without thinking of him and then there are months that I think of him every day.  I hope that means that all is well with him as I do worry about him and how he is.  The life of an alcoholic is never nice.  *shakes head*

I'm glad that you feel that you too made the right choice.  Good for you and good for me!

Boy I so understand what you're saying. I was long ago involved with someone who was like an Angel and a Devil, depending on whether he had been drinking that day.  The problem with him was, when he'd be drinking, I became his personal punching bag, so our parting was my having the police and fire marshall (he threatened to set my house on fire) drag him away.  Do I worry about him or wonder? No.  Whatever happened to him was his own doing.  I'm just glad he was no longer able to do it to me also.

Katie, I completely understand the Angel and Devil person.  Chris wasn't that bad as he didn't choose to harm me in any way but during the course of our stay in Phoenix he came home very drunk from being out and about with his friends while I stayed at home and worried my head off one day (one day of many).  He was so wasted that when I approached him about how upset I was and how worried I was about him that he threatened to kick me out of the apartment.  Needless to say, I wouldn't leave but one more time of his treatment of me like that was all that it took for me to take off from Phoenix and head home driving straight back 25 hours through fog and rain and not being able to see.  Horrid trip but then I had him crying wondering where I had gone off to.  He didn't believe that I had actually left him there with his friends since he had apparently chosen them.  Not too long after this he was back in Dallas with me once more...

I'm glad that you got out of your abusive relationship hon.  I know it couldn't have been anything nice.

I personally avoid men who drink even a little.  For baggage, we all have some kind of baggage that we carry with us.  Soemtimes it's not big, but other times it gets to be too much and that's when you have to take a step back and realize that as much as you love them and are trying to help them, they can't be helped and you're getting hurt.

Yes you're so right about us all having our own baggage Rebecca but as you say as one starts to analyze the situation, sometimes the situation isn't being looked at as clearly as it should because of the love and feelings for the person.  Once the fog is lifted one can more clearly see the depth of the problems and what is working and what will never be.

Thanks for some sound advice!

Sometimes its not just our baggage, but someone else's that we are unwittingly stuck with forever, but its still baggage nonetheless. And we are stuck with it until we die.

Great post. I like the song

Thank you Elaine.  Glad you liked the song. ;)

You made the right choice for yourself, but it must've broken your heart. There's one guy who had a crush on me that I've wondered about, but it's not the tall drink of water that I've spoken about before.  :)

I guess you're right Janie.  Part of me still wonders what if??  Why?  I don't know, other than the fact that the connection was so tight that I have rarely spoken of it.

I do wonder what happened to your crush but do remember your talk about that tall drink of water.... ;p

I, suppose, you will be wondering for awhile.

Sometimes, I wonder what if when I think about the guy who had a crush on me, but we parted ways and it wasn't meant to be. You know what they say, "God works in mysterious ways." Maybe, I would've never met George had I let this crush become my boyfriend.

I know this is a cliche, but God never closes one door without opening another.

Wonderful memories of your past love. I have one that I wonder about but I can never seem to find. He also had baggage, but we had 3 turbulant years together that I am glad we had.

Wow Priscilla!  I hardly recognized you!

I too have never been able to find Chris anywhere even if I do have his social security number.  Just don't know where to look or where to begin to look.  It's sad really.

Three turbulant years together?  You are a much stronger lady than I am for sure.

It's a moving story and a good song.

Thanks bunches Renee!

what a sad story - I hope he is alive well and alchol free

Sad indeed Denise.  I too hope and pray that he is alive and well and alcohol free although I seriously doubt it. ;(

It would sound crass to say that he "served his purpose", but he did allow you to find a part of yourself you didn't even know existed, so he'll always be a part of your life even if you never hear from or of him again.  Your account is written personally and with admirable sensitivity.

I don't think that Chris having served his purpose necessarily sounds crass John.  I do believe that he will hold that special place in my heart for the very reason that I mentioned and of which you read.  I hope that I do hear from him and of him again sometime in my life and that the news is positive.

Thanks for your kind words.  I appreciate them very much.

Bittersweet most definitely.  Those once upon a times do have their way of haunting one, don't they?  Very lovely song Esther

I believe in the sage philosophy of the three wise women (the Marvelettes) who said there's "Too Many Fish in the Sea."  Forget him, and look to the future.

THANKS FOR SHARING

Thanks for the article Esther!!  YOu are so right about alcohol changing some people when they drink!  I have known more than a few or even if they have an alcoholic but now sober lifestyle!!  All I can say to any other woman on this issue is "Don't go there, or you'll regret it, maybe for the rest of your life"!!!

Look not to the past, it cannot change; look to the future and a love like you felt but this time with the one who was meant to be.  Good post and song.  Best decision, brave and wise Esther, you strength is awesome!

Beautifully written, Esther. I'm sure it was an intense experience that helped shape who you are today, even if every moment was not ideal.

I sorta have these feelings about my birth mom -- I love her but can't really be close to her due to her issues.

Well honestly if my wife didn't Gather too on occasion I would tell you a wonder what could have been story that still  drives me insane till this day.

Thanks for posting to the Kings Koffee Shop!

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If I can expand on what John Beck said... sometimes the silver lining in a failed relationship is what we learn about ourselves: what we can tolerate, what we can't tolerate: where our "line in the sand" is.  So then you have the happy memories and the personal growth, as well.

Great article Esther!  I have also fell in love, when it wasn't meant to be, but that hasn't changed the fact that the memories hold a special place in my heart; as they will continue to do so.

May we all be able to enjoy what we are able to reflect upon, and to learn from that as well.  Life is to short to do any different!

oh, Esther, that was so moving, I love that song, it too holds some memories, I guess a lot of music really.. You are a smart lady, so, maybe you had to go thru that, so that you really knew what you wanted out of life, I am sorry, yet happy for you, and its bittersweet, but at least you didnt let it get way too out of hand before you realized that you were not going down that road..HERES TO ALL STRONG WOMEN IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!! Always gotta keep your head up and your eyes on what you want and need!!!!!! Never settle for less!