Though asked to write specifically what tasks were on my to-do list on the days I decided sample Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®, I must admit, I don't do to-do lists. If I do do a to-do list, it is only to have something to show my boss to prove my worth at work. Anyone can look busy on paper, especially if you have sloppy handwriting.
On Sunday, I was meandering through the day and found myself feeling thirsty. Too lazy to go to the kitchen and turn on the tap, I remembered the mailman had brought me a box a few days earlier with the promise of refreshment nestled in the packing peanuts. I reached for a bottle of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®, and found the box empty!
Also missing from the area of my computer comfort zone, was the notorious Little Bastard Zombie. I fought my thirst and went in search of he who was most certainly the thief of my promised goodie. It wouldn't be the first time he tried to mess up my day, but it was his last.
Taking advantage of my functioning legs, I soon tracked down L.B. Zombie and confronted him. Despite the overwhelming evidence, he denied he'd ever heard of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®. (Did I mention he also voted Republican in every election since his zombiefication?)
(Little Bastard Zombie confronted.)
He tried to make a run for it, but I figured I have tolerated this creature long enough. I knocked his head off.
I proceeded to dismember him and rip his innards to shreds. Noticing how the blood stains on his clothes and body matched the scarlet tones of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®, I arranged an impromptu still life. In the end, L.B. Zombie's life was not without artistic merit.
Demon thirst was now gnawing his way down my throat. I opened the Raspberry Cranberry bottle of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®, and took a sip. Yea, it was a good and pure drink of red flavor and thirst quenching wetness, and I did so rejoice as my body was SAVED from the grip of sinful parchedness.
I was able to function and make it through the rest of my day doing things I can't remember except for sitting on the back porch cracking pecans. Life in the fast lane can be such a blur sometimes.
Today I went to work and threw the remaining sample of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® in my vintage briefcase, an accessory that helps me look more important than I actually am. It was a yard sale steal at $5 a few years ago, who could resist? Not even Ron, I bet.
(Fabulously made in Greece by authentic Greeks!)
About 3:30 this afternoon, I felt I was deserving of a beverage as a reward for answering the one thousandth idiot inquiry of the day. My vocal chords were cracking and I could spit dust. (Okay, I exaggerated the number, but it felt like the one thousandth idiot inquiry of the day, so idiotic were the inquiries of the day.)
The sealed green cap yielded to my firm twist and the glorious crack of the seal excited my dry throat, eager as it was for relief of its arid torment. Ahhhh! Satisfaction that which the likes of eluded Mr. Jagger throughout his singing career. Tasty, red flavor - slightly different from the red flavor of the first bottle of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®, perhaps because the flavor raspberry was replaced with pomegranate.
Alas, but I was not long to revel in my pleasure and enjoyment of Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray®. The phone rang and lo, it was the one thousand and first idiot inquiry of the day. Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® gave me much refreshment and enabled me to answer with a smile in my voice and smoothness of speech.
Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® is an okay drink in my book. Wil drinks it often since his diagnosis of diabetes. The sweetener agrees with him and it comes in flavors he enjoys. He takes a 12 oz. bottle with him when he goes to his medically mandated exercise class. It gives him the power to master the treadmill.
Personally, I could not say I could easily tell the flavors apart. Both flavors are based in grape juice, so to my uneducated palate, the flavor is "red." I tend to ignore juice drinks because I prefer real juice wrung from the fruit pictured or named on the bottle. (Maybe my palate isn't uneducated, maybe it's spoiled.) Real juice has the advantage of going well with, say rum or tequila, and still count as a serving of fruit. The days of Kool Aid cocktails are well buried in my past. I have matured.
Did Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® give me an energy boost? I suppose so, but honestly, so would a cup of tea, a Pop Tart, or anything I consumed if my energy was ebbing in the afternoon. Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® does contain vitamins B and C which work well together and certainly don't hurt a person trying to make it through a hectic day. It may be just the thing to provide the thread needed to prevent the last nerve from snapping.
I did notice it cost $7.10 to send me the two 10 oz. samples via USPO. Wow! For that price I could have bought 3 packs of the 12 ounce bottles at Big Lots, or a bottle of Rosehaven® Noir Blush. Admittedly the Rosehaven® would do nothing to raise my energy level, but after drinking it, I wouldn't care. Cranergy® Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray® is certainly a beverage for people who care.
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Comments: 88
Red drinks give me a headache. And I love your LB.
I also would've paid $5 for your garage sale find myself.
It does look scholarly, doesn't it? It's not what you know, it's how you accessorize.
I have to say this is the funniest and best written review I have read on Gather.
The flavor red is good but like you I prefer real juice and usually with vodka.
We are so spoiled, aren't we, Kat? Happy you laughed at my review, but L.B. Zombie's family is filing a lawsuit.
Did you notice I fought off a Zombie to get to it?
(But you are correct. I would not seek out this product, but if I were thirsty and it was sitting arm's length away, I'd probably drink it. And I would tear up a Zombie just for the hell of it anyway.)
I like red, but it's gotta have real sugar in it.
Like to kick the Kool Aid old style, do you, ? I have nothing against Splenda. I wish they'd do the Pepsi with Splenda again. That made life worth living till lunchtime.
I have nothiing against Splenda either, other than it not being sugar. To get my blood sugar up to a functioning level is the only reason I'd be drinking anything other than water.
I'm merely okay with red flavored things. I prefer the flavor of blue, though. Although, come to think of it, I don't drink things that qualify as "juice"... or even "remotely healthy," for that matter.
Gin and juice could be a great way to start your day. I have a problem with putting alcohol into Splenda sweetened drinks. I don't know why, but something tells me that might be a recipe for a bomb or something bad.
Well, since my mind is on my money and my money's on my mind...
And your flip flops on your feet?
Are you stalking me, Em Jay -- fo real? What's next -- going through my garbage?
This was truly Funny!! I SOOoooo enjoyed it!
Thank you, Vera. You deserve a cool refreshing beverage.
"Satisfaction that which the likes of eluded Mr. Jagger throughout his singing career."
If I wasn't already connected to you, that line ALONE would've made me request to be.
Thanks for the heads up that there's Splenda in it. Any and all artificial sweeteners are lumped together in the "Migraine in a Bottle" family. Someone tried to convince me that Splenda was different because it's made from sugar a few years ago -- when I could stop puking in the ER long enough, I cursed her name the whole time I was there, waiting for a shot.
I used to like Red until people started putting raspberry in it. I liked old-school '70s strawberry-cherry red. Hmm. Maybe that was Pink.
I think that was pink. Raspberry is usually the Blue flavor, but Ocean Spray broke with that tradition in drinks in an attempt to go "natural."
I didn't think about that -- you're right. I love their white cranberry-strawberry blend, but it's unsettling to drink because it's either white or pinkish-white (it's been a while) -- I get the glass to my lips and have a brief moment of what-am-I-drinking-again? every time.
Art Ticulated is very proud of you for the artistic and funny review.
splenda does bad bad things to people with muscle disorders.
Art is so much more together than L.B. Zombie. Art still has his brain in his head. Thanks, CC.
i don't know, Art's kinda a blockhead.
I am on the test panel and they sent me a small bottle of this and I was not pleased with it. It also come in the little poweder packets to add to water, pass on that also not worth it.
Did you not like the Red or the Splenda after-taste? From what I've been reading from others' reviews, these are the two things people don't like.
Both
By far the best review I've ever read. :) I think I shall have to read it again. :)
Thank you, Vikki. Read it as often as you like and put a link to your review up here too, if you want.
This is the most cutest review I have seen. I am on the test pannel as well. One of them I liked one I didn't.
Thanks, Renee. Feel free to link your article here too! Give people a chance to read everyone's reaction.
Most reviews tend to be a bit boring but certainly not this one. Love your creative flair.
Thank you, Linda. I love that you stopped by and spent some time with this crazy talk.
that was definately the best review i've ever read. think I need to go out and get Cranergy Energy Juice Drink from Ocean Spray
Thanks, Jodi. Run, don't walk. The stuff is probably flying off the shelves.
I have no problem with red drinks as long as they come by read naturally. Red dye is added to this drink. What were they thinking?
Hi Trish. Thanks for stopping by. I won't say much about the dyes, because I do drink one can of Diet Pepsi (or Pepsi throwback) every day at lunch. I do wonder why Ocean Spray decided to jump on the energy drink train. I have stayed away from their "cocktails" for years, but usually buy their bags of cranberries for cooking. They should just stick with the natural berry and what they know.
Poor boss doll, first he's turned into a zombi, then torn apart as he was manufactured to do.
You forgot to mention how sweet most of those artificial drinks are. (choke.)
Lived the article.
The only artificial drink I consume is my sacred can of Diet Pepsi at lunchtime each day. I stepped down to diet because regular Pepsi tasted too heavy when they switched to corn syrup. I have a small stash of Pepsi Throwback that I drink at lunch on weekends. If Pepsi would only go back to sugar!
When you say "lived the article," I hope that doesn't mean you have to battle Zombies very oftern. ;-)
Typo, it was supposed to be loved the article.
I still drink flavored water, but spare me all that fizzs. It tears up my innards. I also am still in love with coffee.
I guess I'm too human for my own good.
wow
OMG, EM JAY !!
I can't believe LB made off on the QT with the CEJD from OS.
Flippin' hilarious !!
Dammit, Bill! Where were you with the CEJD's and OS's when I was typing this up?
I probably could've left off the R in a circle too!
Nah. You did it just right. The constant repetition of the full name (with trademark symbol) is part of what made this writing so entertaining.
And it's what makes America GREAT!
Red is kippy. Sometimes. Didn't it give you cancer in the 50s?
Red is kippylicious. I wasn't around in the fifties. Maybe the mad scientists have fixed it by now.
I enjoyed this saga, including the dismemberment, the idiotic phone inquiries, and most of all the Greek briefcase! I went to Greece, and they have amazing things there! I have a cutting board made from olive wood that I adore. Those Greeks are crafty folks!
I was thinking about trying the drink now I will not....nothing beats water with lots of ice (except 2 fingers of scotch added)
But for me it was the bag,Yep, the bag...caught my eye and made my mouth water.Years ago I went to Milan, Italy, I still treasure the bag I bought there, must have been about 1990....gonna go to the closet and look for it now.
You and Christina (post above) should go shopping bag shopping together!
I imagine it also has HFCS? High fructose corn syrup? I do like Ocean Spray, but drink them rarely, and usually with lemon or lime seltzer and actual lemons or limes in them.
No HFCS, it's all Splenda-ized.
I like my cranberry juice straight. Just smash the cranberries and put them in a glass. A shot of tequila, perhaps.
thanks!
I love your post. I am not sure I want to buy the product though.
Loved it!!!
The stuff is deadly, so run along.
Was this a back-handed infomercial? It worked , I read the name Cranegery over and over! Yeah, give me the hard stuff right off the tree. fun romp (oh, speaking of childhood. Did you always do this to dolls?)
LB Zombie was a gift and designed to come apart. I'm sad to announce he permanently lost an arm in the Zombie Walk of 2009, shortly after he did this photo shoot. We are looking into prosthetics, but have no insurance so it's not looking good for him. All my other dolls are in great shape.
I posted a bunch of pictures from the Zombie Walk that was held here in June. Participants do dress up as Zombies and amble down the street. We brought non-perishables for the food bank and about 300 people participated. Photo album not for the squeemish.
I like instant tea with peach not red or green drinks much.
Between the 'red', a food coloring that was notorious for it's carcinogenic properties, the fact that, like Kris certain artificial sweeteners give me raging migraines and my Diabetes i am basically an untainted water drinker with the exception of my daily foray into a coffee mug
I can't enjoy water unless it's got a squeeze or lemon, lime, or orange in it. I use a product called True Lemon (Lime or Orange). It's dehydrated juice in a packet like sugar. It's just pure crystalized juice. It cuts through the rather bleached taste of the water here.
Now Little Bastard Zombie is handicapped. He lost an arm in the 2010 Zombie Walk for the food bank.