Making Up For Lost Time - Roaming And Ramming Around - Walk With Me

I'm making up for lost time and passing myself in the process.  Most people never get to experience being unable to get around; stuck in your home and can't walk; missing out on what's going on as life passes you by.  Few have faced what I have.  It may be relaxing, but it's sure no fun being trapped inside.  It was less than a two week stint this time, but it was nothing compared to the nearly three months I went through a little over a year ago.  As I did after my more severe bout of immobility, I'm happy...stressing the word 'happy'...to report, I'm up and at 'em again.  At least this time, I have two legs, even though only one of them is real.  I guess that made me one step up on getting back on my foot again.  Though I use my prosthetic to get around, I can never accept it as 'mine' giving me two legs or feet.  I can't say I twisted my ankle, because I see what it really is when I look...a shock absorber.

I'm just facing reality.  It's only a part of me due to the suction created to keep it on when I'm wearing it.  There's no feeling in it.  The strange thing, though, is sometimes...it hurts!  I'm not talking about the part of my real leg that remains; where my nub slips down into the acrylic cup the rod of the artificial leg is attached to.  The pain is down lower...where there's no leg; only metal and plastic and rubber.  The shin...it's a solid titanium metal rod...and it hurts.  There's pain coming from it.  The same with the ankle.  It really IS a shock absorber...the similar in design as what's on your car...right down to the way it looks.  I feel pain from that mechanical device.  The hard rubber foot doesn't have the same amount of flexibility.  There's some 'give' to it and it bends almost as your real foot, but only to the shorter angle of bending, so it can't just fold over.

There's no wires attached to me from this space-age apparatus.  It all operates independently from the rest of my body...not from impulses generated by my nerve endings...so it should NOT be registering in my brain.  But it does!  I 'feel' my prosthetic leg in my brain...phantom feelings...phantom pain.  It's not really there, but my brain thinks it is...and is registering a reaction.  I mean, my brain is used to having that foot and leg there for 40 years and is programmed to recognize those parts not knowing they been removed.  You just can't turn it off.  It will always remain.  It's a very weird feeling.  My foot will itch and my brain is programmed in a way, I automatically reach down and scratch it.  Dummy...do you know how stupid you look right now?  It really doesn't itch.  Hello???  IT'S NOT EVEN REAL!  Bang my shin on the coffee table and yell, 'Ouch!'  You dumb azz.  That didn't even hurt.  You bumped a metal rod!  Boy, do I feel like a fool.  Well, you are one, so it's appropriate, you goof ball.  It's fake...not real.

It's not just a process of popping my leg on and taking off, though it's far from being difficult.  I have to position my nub properly so the foot is aligned.  I've tried to do it in a hurry and have ended up standing along the street pounding my foot against a sign post to try and turn out outward to give me the balance I need.  Mommy, why's that man kicking that pole?  He has problems, Johnny.  I have to pull the outer rubber sleeve up to crate the suction to hold it on so straps don't have to be used...and there's no unsightly bumps and bulges in my pants.  It only goes halfway up my thigh, so any bulges you see are all my own!  I yank on it...the rubber sleeve...the rubber sleeve!  I have to make sure it's tight so it doesn't bunch up at the bottom in the back and irritate while I walk.  I also have to put the leg in my pants before I put the leg on.  Then, I can dress my real leg and pull the pants up.  I have positively proven the theory that we all do, indeed, put our pants on one leg at a time.  That's also a reason I can't adjust my leg in public other than pounding the foot up against something.  I'd have to drop my drawers...and I go commando.  I don't wear undies.  I don't need to reveal ALL of my super powers to everyone.

It wasn't simply replacing my leg and foot.  The prosthetic works adequately to give me mobility...but it's not exactly the same as it used to be when I still had my own parts.  There's nowhere near the motion in the ankle/shock absorber.  There have been times I've 'twisted' my ankle.  That's what registers in my brain...but the ankle on my artificial leg doesn't turn like that.  It was just a compression on the shock absorber pushing down; not twisting.  My air pressure is low.  I have to 'bounce' on my fake foot to act as a pump on the bottom of the shock absorber to inflate it up a little.  It's a treat when my other leg falls asleep...and now, I have no real feeling or control over either.  I have to keep moving so that doesn't happen...or I'm going down flat on my face.  Kiss the pavement!

There really is a lot more to me taking a walk than others realize.  It's always an experience because I have so much more I'm up against having an artificial leg and foot than with both of them being real.  I'm not pulling your leg when I say there are times when walking somewhere really is a struggle.  My real leg has to work extra hard to compensate...and it gets tired more easily.  My fake leg is bionic and doesn't wear down.  It's still ready to keep going.  Fatigue isn't being registered in my brain, so that part is telling me, 'Don't stop.'  My real leg is slowing down and my mind is saying to pick up the pace.  I keep pushing myself and go a bit too far at times.  I'll sit and rest a few minutes, so I can go on and put a few more miles in...or before I tackle climbing all those stairs to get up to my apartment.  I do it, though.  I go on and I make it.

After a recent set-back where I was holed up in my home unable to get out for a couple of weeks, I'm on the streets again.  Last summer, I was dealing with those damn crutches and no leg.  I managed to get around and took in as much as I possibly could with my physical limitations.  This year, I'm under my own power and there's a lot less I can't do.  I don't want to miss out on...and I'm not!  If I want to walk up to the cafe on the corner and have coffee or a soda at a table on the sidewalk, I'm not limited to a bottle of juice stuck in my pocket because I can't carry anything in my hands.  I can be out at the street and watch a parade up close and not from a distance sitting up on my veranda because I can't stand long.   There's a street festival or party in the park.  I'm there!  I don't have to watch out tripping myself or others.  The risk of being knocked over is far less.  Now, to find someone to accompany me...who can keep up with me!  It's always more fun to have someone else along to laugh at other people with.  It's like that old adage...if a comedian tells a joke to himself...is it still funny?

Once I felt it was safe to try a trip outside, I hit the ground running.  Off to the bank to get some cash, a trip to the supermarket to stock up on some food I was out of, a couple strolls through the 'hood and a couple afternoons at the cafe.  I even hung out with my best friend a few times. I walked to his place on a Friday.  We visited on his porch while listening to music from a live performance on the sidewalk at the cafe across from where he lives. I went back over Monday for a few beers and a Memorial Day cookout.  Saturday night, he called and told me to get ready to go out.  We headed off to 'Bar Row', a strip on a street about  dozen blocks away that has a very high concentration of clubs, though our destination was the gay bar, 'The Pub'.  I like to refer to it as 'The Pube'...in jest...and always say I hope to never find one floating in my drink.  It really is one of the better bars. 

I don't have to be on the 'run' all the time.  It just feels good to be out again.  I take my time to slow down and appreciate the little things.  Time keeps ticking away and there's still too much I want to take in before the final alarm goes off.  I've been given a new lease on life...again.  Each time, I try to drink in even more because I might not be so lucky to get another chance next time. I also kick back and reflect on things. I sit on my balcony with my real and my fake foot up watching...observing...seeing all that I'm surrounded by.

There's 'the flower tree' two houses up.  I don't know what its called.  I just know it's beautiful. A whole tree filled with soft, yellow flowers cascading down and hanging out over the sidewalk so you can't help but notice their fragrance when you walk by. A sapling has replaced an older tree that finally came down just yards away from my building during a windstorm. The bush in front of a house on the opposite corner from the cafe...appearing to be covered in snow with temperatures in the low 70's with sunshine.  My old friends, the birdies, are back...reclaiming their nest in the rafters over my balcony.  The feathered community is booming.  A couple moved into an alcove at the top of one of the balcony columns. A pair of cardinals has taken up nesting around the corner and are constantly stopping by to raid the seed put out for my sparrow and chickadee neighbors. They're much faster than the little birds...and don't like to pose for pictures as much...more skitterish. 

The everyday life I have around me.  I see people pass on the street below; some oblivious to the fact I'm watching; looking out for all my fellow Park Avenue subjects walking below me. I become familiar with some seeing them go by so much. A new addition to 'The Strip' this summer are 'bicycle rick-shaws...three wheels tricycle type taxis for two.  For a price, the 'driver' pedals you up and down the street. It comes in handy, as the 'cafe district' gets packed and you may have to end up parking blocks away and have quite the walk to get to where the action is.  I live right in the middle of it all...and enjoy the fact I can walk, period.  Where were they last year when I really needed them? The rolling billboards are back with no music blaring from them this summer. I still have to contend with walking past the candy store on the corner. My only deterrent is the high price they charge for home made.  There's cuddle time with my kitty, too.  I still always wonder what she's done when she comes running to me voluntarily to suck up and snuggle. Shimmer has gotten more comfortable here now that she's trained me to do things the way 'The Shim' wants...and I keep my eyes peeled for her more keenly now, too, since her mad dash to trip me up and put me out of commission for awhile.  Now, if I could only convince her to squash the spiders so I don't have to risk injury jumping on a chair to get away from them.  If I scream like a little girlie and nobody's around to hear it; does that still make me a sissy...even if I kill it after I get out of my tizzy?

I'm good to go now and gearing up making plans according to what's on the way while the weather's good.  I'm back to building up my endurance for a busy season; not only in my neighborhood, but elsewhere around the city I haven't been able to explore yet.  At least it's a little easier the second time around...getting progress moving forward again.  Too much has gone on without me already.  I'm not about to lose any more.  I want to be in the thick of things...and I will be.  I'm not one to sit on the sidelines and be second string.  If it's chic, in my lifestyle, to be a mover and a shaker; then this 'chic' wants to shake what I've got and keep movin'!  Would that be forward ho...or forward, 'ho?

Go forth, I must...onward in being a part of life as much as I can.  I'll pass on some.  It's just not the same going solo for certain things.  I can see myself doing some things alone...otherwise, I wouldn't get to be a part of them.  At least I can do what I want and go wherever I choose.  I choose to not let everything pass me by and at least explore some experiences.  I managed to overcome what was luckily a minor set-back.  Another chance has been give, so I have to take full advantage of the situation given to me.  It's an easy thing...kind of like I am when I allow myself to be 'taken advantage of'.  The opportunity is being presented once again.  Take it while you can.  It's another step...one at a time.  After all, that's how many feet you have.  Just go for it.  Everyone should.  You're not going to make it unless you at least try...and many times, you'll make it because you simply put some effort forth and went for it.  Sitting on the sideline waiting for the world to come isn't working too well for anyone, is it?  Get out there in the game and give it a try.  What do you have to lose...really?  Nothing ventured...nothing gained...and you've got a much better chance of coming out a winner than you would if you didn't at least give it a shot.

That one, little set-back; no matter how short it was; stopped me.  I have to admit that...slapped me right up side the head and said, 'Hold it!'  Hooo, Lawd.  I wasn't expecting my string of victories to come to an end that way...but it did, so now I have to go about building my winning streak back up again.  I did it once...and I have far more experience, training and the proper physical and mental equipment to do it easier this time...and surpass my achievements from before.  The thing of it is, too...it's so simple.  Just like me with one foot...one step.  Take that one step; that first step once again; the only step you have to take.  Step off and do whatever it is you want to do.  There you go...and here I go, too.  We're off to wherever it is we want to go.  You're all welcome to join me...on taking your very own step toward where you want to be.