Chris is home. We drove over bright and early(ish) yesterday to pick him up. That's a long drive to make back and forth. Nick's family has never been interested in meeting halfway, where as my family tries to when they want to see the kids. Classic difference- my family makes an effort, Nick's doesn't, but complains that they never see the kids. Well, duh. 6 hours on the road for them to see the kids (1 1/2 hours there, back, there, and back again to drop them off and pick them up) is not my idea of fun.
Nick's Grandma asked where Chris would be going to school in the fall. I told her the middle school. She asked if I had any other options, which I said no, unless we drive 30 minutes each morning to school of choice him, and even then, there's no guarantee he'll wind up in a good school.
So, she dropped a bomb on me. She wants to have him live with her and go to school up in Mount Pleasant next year, because it's such a "great" school. We've dealt with the Mount Pleasant school system. They were the ones who pretty much wrote off Chris's entire Kindergarten year, because they never told us they were having problems with him, and he spent most of his days sitting in the hallway alone, NOT learning. They told us that when there were 3 weeks of school left.
That was a total WTF moment when his teacher sat us down to tell us she didn't think he had learned enough to pass Kindergarten, but that it was his fault because of his behavior. We did, however, learn to tell every teacher he has each year to tell us when EVER there is a problem. Until this year, they have. His morning teacher this year never has.
Anyway, the schools up there fought us tooth and nail when it was time to get Chris on an IEP for his ADHD. They fought us again when I KNEW he had a right to be put on a special education bus. They fought with us a lot over how to deal with it.
Ugh. I can't stand Nick's family some times. We're supposed to go up there next Sunday for a picnic. I'm thinking ahead- if I hear any of them telling me how to raise my son, I'm just going to tell them it's time for us to go. I'm not going to sit there and listen to that crap.
Today at 11 is the psychiatric appointment. I found out that they see patients here in town, so I am going to see if that's a possibility in the future. It might not be, depending on the doctor, though.
In the mean time, you won't see me much this morning. I have (and I am SO not kidding) an 11 page psychiatric history questionnaire to fill out, a 6 page family history questionnaire to fill out, plus basic info like medical insurance.
I really should have started this all last week. Oh well! On the plus side, my insurance sent us an official letter stating that we are approved for mental health benefits for Chris, and to just show it to the staff at the office. Otherwise, it would cost us $220 for today's appointment. Yes, $220.
After today, it's $180/hour. Yikes!
Instead, we pay $10/visit.
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Comments: 23
How frustrating. If the family brings the topic up, just change the topic quickly. I'm glad to hear the insurance will be covering the visits. Good luck.
$10 sounds SO much better! Who can afford $180 an hour?? Who? Most of the people who see those doctors NEED it, not want it.
That would be great if they can see you nearby.
I wouldn't be able to trust my children with someone who disagreed with my parenting and treatment of my child. I would constantly worry that she was doing what she wanted and not what was best for him. That she would change how he was raised and mess him up! Just in the hours Jason's mom spends with my kids she tries to parent HER way and it confuses them. It makes me so mad!
Yeah, that doesn't sound like the best school!
I joked with Nick last night- No wonder there are so many crazy people out there, they can't afford to see the right doctor to help themselves!
Makes sense that there are so many drug and alcohol abusers out there (self-medicating for mental health). If they were cared for properly to begin with then I bet abuse wouldn't be so bad, but it seems that instead of prevention they are just willing to treat when there is no other option.
That is all you can do is say it's time to go.
We visited my mil when my son was about 16. He was on 1,000 mg of Depakote. He wanted to lie down, he was tired and this was normal for him. He was actually sent home if he was too tired in school. mil was renting a vacation condo with 2 bedrooms. She said without hesitation, NO... I looked at my husband and said we need to go Ian needs to lie down. We bade our good byes and left. She never backed down so we left.
I learned a long time ago you have to assert yourself.
And you know if he went by then, his behavior would be all your fault, you didn't raise him right....not that he has a real documented problem. People just don't get it at all.
At least my son knew I cared about him that day.
The year before we visited them after going to the beach when they owned a 4 bedroom 4 bath home...and they only allowed my huband and 3 year old, at the time, take a shower together. My son and I were not allowed to take a shower in their home. What beat all was when my mil hurt her shoulder and my hubby was taking a class for a week, staying there. He offered to fly me up to help her. She said she didn't allow strangers to sleep over in her house. We were married over 24 years. Hey, I looked at it this way, at least I was spared taking care of her.
Sometimes you have to vote with your feet!
That's exactly it! They don't think he has any problems that "Love" won't cure. They look at Nick as a child, who according to them, was a hellion. They like to compare the two, but what Chris has is definitely NOT what ever Nick had (and they never even took Nick to the doctor for it).
They compare his behavior for them (when he's away from school and his siblings, both major stressors for him) to what Nick was like, and think they're the exact same. They don't see him when he has a meltdown, and blame us medicating him for all his issues we see. They refuse to medicate him- I sent vitamins, no pills, and stressed how important it was for Chris to continue taking them.
He stayed for 5 days longer than we planned, so he didn't have enough vitamins, and STILL came home with a day to spare.
My son had adolescent onset epilepsy.
1 1/2 hours drive is not really all that long to me. But it's not something I'd like to have to do twice, back and forth.
Good luck with the appointment today Heather, I hope everything goes well, and that you will hopefully end up with answers of some sort. Congrats on the benefits being approved as well, that is definitely quite a difference.
About the family...you know where to set your limits. Family can be amazing, but they can also be too much.
Ugh!!! Double ugh!!! I don't think I would have handled that conversation very well. You're a better person than I am, Heather.
If your son is anything like mine, and other children I've known like my son, one thing that is extremely important is structure in their lives. They don't handle big changes in their routines very well. Ripping your child away from his family, his life that he is use to, would not be beneficial to him.
When my daughter was still very young (about a year and a half old) I had a friend that wanted to go out of state to PA to meet her boyfriend halfway as he was coming to MI.
My father was going to OH and wanted to take my daughter with him so she could get some time in with my step-mother's family. I said yes. It worked perfect for me as it was during the same time as my friend going to PA. This "boyfriend" of her's was someone she hadn't met in person, and I didn't feel comfortable with her going alone. This gave me the chance to go with my friend.
My Aunt stops by a few days before we all left, and I was sharing with her my plans for going to PA. She asks me what I'm doing with my daughter. I tell her what is going on, and how pleased I was as Ohio wasn't that long of a trip, and I felt the trip to PA was longer than I wanted to subject my daughter to.
My Aunt says to me, "Oh that's good! Your dad wouldn't let you take your daughter to PA anyway."
I'm normally a very easy going, non-confrontational type of person. So I shocked my poor Aunt when I stood up, and verbally jumped her. In no polite terms, I told her that was my child, and no one was going to tell me what I could or could not do with her. By time I was done she had her hand on the doorknob ready to run LOL.
No member of my family has tried since then to push me around when it comes to my children.
It is great that your insurance covers most of the appointment. We had Joslyne given a speach evulation and it cost us almost $400 for a 2 hour eve. Because she passed it they would not pay for it. ** eye roll** I hate dealing with insurance.
Gotta love family, huh?? ;~)
I hope the appointment goes well today.
glad the insurance will pay - so many wont'
Thank goodness everything is covered through insurance. I hope all goes well today.
I certainly understand your feelings about your in-laws. Nobody knows YOUR child like YOU do. I have five sister-in-laws that all know it all (yeah, right). I've told every one of them OFF and WALKED away. Now they don't even try it. I also feel for you when it comes to all the driving. His family refuses to make the trip and my family (mostly seniors) do it all the time. We see the in-laws far less and I always remind them they can bring their butts TO US if they want more time with the kids.
Keep on keepin' on Heather, you're doing everything you can. Prayers are with you.
good luck
I'm glad insurance is going to cover it. I sure hope they get a correct diagnosis going for him and good luck with school next year.
Oh my, I can't believe Nick's family either! That's insane, that they always do that to you. I can't even begin to understand that... what a pain. So glad you are going to stand your ground when you see them again.
Good luck at the appointments!
I am sorry you are going thorugh all of this. I hope you are able to find some solutions, and that they are able to find a good treatment program for him.
Ahh, the in-laws. That age old problem that has plagued most of us since the begining of time (or since they invented marriage)!!!
I don't envy you. But I will pray for you guys.. Did Chris have a good visit at least?
Chris had a good time, he always does- which is the only reason I still send him up there. ;)
My goodness, Heather. I'm glad my husband is older than my parents. I avoided a lot of in-law problems that way. LOL His Mom is just happy he "finally got the hang of it."
I think you made a good decision, deciding to leave if Nick's parents get on your case. Just get up and leave!! All parents need to realize that their grandchildren are not their children, and that their children are now adults.
You stick to your guns, and don't take their crap!
Wow, how very frustrating!
Yeah, I got the hang of it finally, Leah.
I have one daughter who actually was ADHD (most school diagnosis are bull). I found that a cup of black coffee in the morning could control that. You might consider a Red Bull before school. Stimulants moderate the condition in most children.
My youngest son went through some of the same experiences. School officials insisted that he was ADHD and a hazard...
I took him to a research psychologist who confirmed my diagnosis, he was bored as hell because he was much more advanced than the grade level they had sentenced him to. Once in the advanced classes, he was able to shine and didn't give the teachers as bad a time of it.
Many of the children who today are misdiagnosed as attention deficit, are just bored because they are miles ahead of everyone else stuck in the class.