I am so ticked off at my ex-husband I could scream. Actually, last night I almost called him on the phone to do just that.
M is the father of my teenguy. We divorced by the time the now-teen was just two years old, I married my DH when the little guy was three and DH has been his DAD all these years. My son learned to dislike his bio dad for the same reasons I did (he's an extremely selfish and often nasty individual), but he learned it on his own with his visits, I did not influence him as many mothers do. I know that a mother who influences her child/children against their spouse is only going to get it all back later when they're older. I divorced him after he tried using me as a punching bag (I finally hit him back one day) and he asked me to stop mourning my daughters' death five weeks after she was killed. Yeah, real sensitive guy.
We moved away from the ex first by about 100 miles when DH and I were married, and now by 1100 miles in 2005. He always had access to the teen by phone and arranged visits. Since about the age of 8, the teen has dreaded these visits, and after receiving physical and emotional abuse from the ex's parents, he refused to visit them anymore. Can you imagine a 'loving' grandparent who locks a child in a closet, tells them lies about his mother (the child knew they were lies), and spanks at the slightest provocation (yes, with the father present) 'loving'? Gee, the ex wonders why when he was here and called his mother, the teenguy refused to talk to her.
Since we moved far away, teenguys 'father' (he calls him by his name, and hates when I refer to him as 'father') has made the trip to see him twice a year. The first year, I even had the guy over for dinner and was very nice to him. The next year he came to pick up my son and knowing my husband was not going to be home, started such a huge fight with me, threatened me, and had me so shook up the teen pulled him out of the house before I went to get the shotgun. My son remembers the incident so clearly he just laughs when bio-dad asks him 'is your mother STILL mad at me?'. Um, yup she sure is. He has not been allowed to step foot in my house since.
My husband and I make sure every Christmas, Fathers' Day and his birthday, that there has always been a gift and card for teen to give to him. We've paid for them and even the shipping when the holiday rolls around and there isn't a visit. It's never good enough. He has actually asked my teen for specific gifts! One year it was a book that cost $30. Where did he think the kid was going to get the money for this AND pay for it to be shipped to him? Well, of course ME. To keep peace, we've tried to be agreeable. Everytime we've purchased him something and the teen gave it to him, there was a problem. He asked for slippers this past Christmas, gave son the size and we went and bought them, paid the shipping (which came to more than the slippers) and he told the teen 'they don't fit right, but I guess they're alright'. Teen gave him a shirt and hat combo one year that said something about 'world's best dad' (ok so it wasn't true but he was trying to be nice) and the bio's reaction was, oh, yeah, you know I'm never going to wear it.
This year took the cake. The old man was here this past week. My husband and I made sure we picked up a shirt and a card for Fathers' Day and gave it to the teen who wrapped it and proudly gave it to him the day before he left to go home. He didn't really thank the poor kid, told him he thinks it might be too small (it's a medium, and the man has been a medium since I knew him and still is). He then asked where he bought it. He told him Walmart. I knew what was coming and told my husband the SOB is going to try to return it or have his MOMMY do it when he gets back up north.
M and his parents!
Came Friday, the day the pig is going back home, my teen had to work that morning so they said their goodbyes on Thursday evening. The pig calls last night and TELLS the boy that he went to Walmart before he left and RETURNED the shirt, exchanged it for another. I could not believe it! The teen came into our room with the phone while he was talking to him and when I heard him say, 'oh, so you exchanged it' I started yelling "HOW RUDE" "HOW INSENSITIVE".
So I spent another night sitting in my bedroom, unable to sleep for another hour because I was so furious. My husband was quite ticked off also and said "We're NEVER buying another thing for that A**hole".
Am I wrong here? Am I missing something? I'd NEVER tell someone I exchanged their gift for any reason! If it's something I really can't use or hate, I have always accepted it gracefully, said how much I like it or could really use it and then either quietly put it away, donated it or even re-gifted to someone who could use it.
I'm torn between just letting it go and doing as my husband suggested and not ever again get this selfish pig anything from the boy, and really ripping into him. How do you do that to your own child? I still have the bead and macaronni necklaces and jewelry that he made for me as a small child! His 'artwork' too. How can someone be so insensitive to their own child? The last time I spoke to him when we were fighting I asked him what he would do if his son didn't want to see him anymore and told him not to come visit. His response was priceless. He told me "I'd come anyway, because I can".