My God! My God! A Poor Rating? (what really goes on inside my brain when it happens)

May 30, 2009 08:23 AM EDT (Updated: August 16, 2009 04:35 PM EDT)

views: 259 | rating: 9.6/10 (44 votes) | comments: 121

Deep inside my brain on the morning I'm posting an article....

"Okay, I'm about finished. Time to hit the button and post this up on Gather."

....click....

(ten minutes pass...)

"I wonder if it's too early to take a look and see if there are any comments? No, be strong, let's wait at least another five minutes before we take a look."

(five minutes pass...)

"Let's check it out now, dammit all, we've waited long enough! I wanna see if there are any comments yet and....hey, this is really, really cool! Fifteen views already, four comments, and...and....a bad rating?"

"On my article?"

"I wonder what dick/dickess did that? I put in some real effort into this one, too!"

(two minutes pass...)

"I'll bet I know exactly who did it. It's that dick/dickess so-and-so, they can't draw flies themselves so they're raining on my parade. What a waste of the air we breathe! Why can't they just worry about themselves and stay over on their own page instead of polluting mine? For Christ's sake, their last article was about why people won't be your friends after you urine them off, for Elvis's sake! Dogs wouldn't lick 'em with a pork chop tied to their butt!"

(ten seconds pass...)

"I'll tell you why. They can't write squat and they're just jealous, not only of the article but of all the cool people that hang out here! That's it, golly gee whizzit!"

(a minute passes...)

"I'm not going to keep thinking about that low rating, it just urines me off even more! Why are people that do this kinda crap even made? It'd be better if fate had made them into a bag of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts instead, least that way they'd have some value. I'm going to go ahead and respond to those ten comments I have right now, those people have their heads screwed on right! We're goin' to have fun, durnit!"

(ten seconds pass...)

"I still wonder why they did that crap. Wonder if their parents were Amway distributors or something, maybe they weren't allowed to watch horror movies until they became adults. There's just no telling about some people or their tastes."

(A minute passes...)

"You know, it's the oddest thing. Since they put that bad rating on my article the views on it seem to be going up. Wonder if that had anything to do with it?"

(Five minutes pass.)

"Holy crap, we've gotten double the views and five more comments since that bad rating. And get this, one of those comments is from that good looking, long dark-haired exotic lookin' lady who's just oozing sympathy all over me! She never even noticed my page until today! Now, of all things, she thinks I'm great, a misunderstood genius, and she just called the person who gave me that bad rating a poopie head right out in front of everyone!"

(A minute passes...)

"What was it that's bothering me? The exotic lookin' well-bazooka-ed one just posted again, said I was now her favorite writer on Gather, she's even gonna start a fan club for me!"

(Thirty seconds pass...)

"I wonder why I was so cheesed off, I can't seem to remember."

(Ten seconds pass...)

"Let's go see if enough Captain Crunch is left in the box for a big bowl, I'm hungry."

(Le brain shuts down, le stomach turns on, and thus ends our mentally telepathic transmissions for today...)

Tags: las vegas, champagne books, southern outlaw author, georgia tech, humor, juliette, mary persons bulldogs, for the less than offended, heiny, dairy queen, trolls