Why are husbands not attending church?

Thanks for sharing!

I have heard it said that submission means cooperation, not the doormat pose so many of us fear.

It seems to me that the use of the root word "submit" in the Bible is all about obeying and having lower status.  The culture of the time in the Roman Empire certainly would have it that way as would the Greek culture.

Perhaps that was so, Larry, but when Jesus talked about submitting it was not meant to be about having a lower status.

In Ephesians 5:18-6:1, it starts out saying that we should speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.  Then in verse 21, it says, "21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."  I think the key phrase is "out of reverence for Christ."

It explains that a woman should submit to her husband, but the only way this works perfectly, in the way God designed, is if the husband loves his wife as much as Christ loved the church, enough to lay down his life for her.  When a husband does have that kind of love for his wife, he will not do anything that would hurt her or the family, and he won't make decisions without discussing them with his wife first.

I've seen some marriages where God's perfect design for marriage worked, and they are unions to envy.

 

 

From my reading of the Bible (personal opinion, no expertise) Jesus seemed to consider every person as equal.  I see no indication that Jesus thought men were superior as persons to women, nor were men more important to Jesus than women.

On the other hand, the people of the time and place and in the areas to which Christianity spread in those early years were partiarchal, patrilocal. and partilineal.  The emphasis was on men and women were lesser beings in their cultures.

I would expect such a cultural context to shape the religious organizations and their doctrines that developed.

In other words, I think that the churches have not dealt fairly with women in their interpretation of Jesus' message.  But that is just one person's opinion.  I have no proof of any sort.

How do I lose my ego in order for me to learn that level of submission?  

Also, it says "submit to *one another*" not just for the wife to submit to the husband.  Comments?

The Bible Thumpers also forget that "submission" is suppose to work both ways.  Instead, they often use it as an excuse to abuse and subjugate women. 

If Paul would have stopped at 5:21, and then stated that we should all love our neighbours, love others, as Christ loved the church, equality would not be debated. There are two points of view that individuals can all see. "Mine" and "Yours/Theirs/hers/his" In other words, there is me, and there is NOT me. If it was not about subjugation of women, then why wouldn't Paul stop at "love thy neighbour?" Are we to assume that because Christ was a MAN, that all MEN are automatically CHRIST-like?

Remember God is a genderless being that we have attached a gender to, a spirit if you will, and that God in human form, while created male, was born of a FEmale, who probably suffered greatly in child-birth.

To suffer in child birth, only to be told to be UNDER a man? SUBject, SUBmit, SUB means UNDER!! How can there be equality in UNDER? Head? Above? The head of the wife....

Looks pretty male-dominated to me!!!

I am not concerned with anything other then what I know in my spirit the Lord wants me to do. I have personally found that when I lead in our marriage and home, I lack a peace and my husand is not happy. I have found that when I pray for my husband's wisdom in certain areas and let God be God and do the job of the Holy Spirit, it works. My husband turns to God for the answers rather then myself and their is much more peace in our home. God's word works! My husband and I still communicate a lot. I am a very outgoing, outspoken and opinionated person, but I have learned to take things to the Lord more rather then griping or ordering him around (which I am very good at).

What works for some may not work for all. If that works for you, that's great, but just because it was written in a book by other human beings, doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

Each one man or women has their own choice to decide to attend church or not. It is not the womens fault that a husband does not go. For one thing the bible shows he is the head of the house. Secondly, each has free will. If he decides not to go it is still the choice of the women to decide weather she would go or not. In her going and paying respect to the Lord, the HOLY SPIRIT GENTLY works on the mans heart. AGAIN, it is up to him to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Again his choice to obey/follow or not. If he does not and the women has done her part then she is not at fault for him not going. To many times WE as people try to do the job of the HOLY SPIRIT. Only he can touch and prompt a heart change. It is up to us to obey or not to obey the prompting. Therefore if one does not go then it is not another persons fault. and for the record yes I do go.

I certainly agree that the woman should go to church even if the husband does not attend. I also thought I had mentioned that the women needs to follow God's leading in her own life and not act as the man's Holy Spirit. I used to do that and thereby I began controlling him in every facet. So I went to church and yet at home I "ruled the roost." Our marriage suffered greatly from it. Since then, I have chosen to calm down and let God lead my husband as he leads me. If I have a problem I will typically mention it nicely to him or take it to the Lord. Honestly, our marriage has been saved because of this. I believe I appeared like a hypocrite to him being kind and pleasant at church and then going home and being the spiritual leader and dominating him. I know everyone has different experiences as we all should. But in my own life, I have chosen to respect and encourage him even when I sometimes I do not agree. However, above all, I believe everyone should seek the sweet guidance of the Holy Spirit in all decisions.

"Ruled the roost"
"Dominating him"

So if you don't rule the roost, does he dominate you?

By the way I am in no way saying that if a husband doesn't go to church it is his wife's fault. I am saying the wife can tweak some things to be a better example of a quiet, gentle and loving lady as it says to in 1 Peter 3, so that then as she lines up with God's word, the Holy Spirit can do His amazing work!

This is a great addition to this discussion.

Scott
Christian Counseling Center

Interesting contribution. I'll be sharing with some folks who I know will find this thought-provoking and challenging in a positive manner. We can say so much about the leadership roles of men when it comes to guiding Christian families.

the beautiful thing about mine and my husband's marriage is that we come from such different religious (though both Christan) backgrounds that instead of one of us leading, and one of us following, we both bring something to the table, and contribute equally, spiritually. Often I'll bring something from my church that he'll agree with and he'll bring something from his church that I'll agree with, with both of us mostly staying within our own churches, if that makes any sense. Spiritually this works well for us. My husband has been in marriages where he has been expected to lead, when he would have prefered equality, and those marriages have not worked for him. Now we are together, as equals, no one leading, and no one following, and it works. We go to my Presbyterian church sometimes, we go to his Mormon church sometimes, and other times we take the week off, and worship God in our own way on Sundays, always leaving Sundays to God. I am not a submissive woman, and he is not a "leader" type of man. We wanted partners we could walk beside, and this has worked well for both of us.

Just a few thoughts in passing through, here.

There is this problem that plagues everyone. It's called "one-upmanship." It was there in the garden. Both were to be equal, but one tried to take leadership over the other. This is a human problem. This comes out in sports, where "one-upmanship" is the only thing to do. Be better, be faster, be higher, be smarter, be whatever more.

Men, because they follow this line of thinking, cannot subject themselves to anything or anyone, because to do so would cause them to go against this thought that if they subject themselves to someone else, then they lose mastery of their lives in some way, shape or form. This is not the case, though. In the British Army (and no, I'm not a Brit), there is a saying, "Lead by serving." It is a proverb that can do a man a lot of good. The woman, through the ages, has always served. It is now coming down to the fact that women are leading, because they are serving, while the man abdicates his role of leader of the family. He does not want to "lower" himself and debase his pride. But talk about sports... STAND BACK!! Talk about going to work... STAND BACK!!! Talk about family, and not only what it is, but how they are doing it, he'll more than likely say, "Talk to my wife about that."

This is really not just a man's problem, though. There are plenty of women who do not want to "be a doormat" to anyone. Their problem is similar to the man's. This happens, quite often, in the lives of women who have been abused one way or another and cannot find it in themselves to serve another person. A man who is weak, coming up against a woman like that will cow down to her and have no chance at becoming the leader in a family.

Another thought with church is... and we used to joke around about this at the last congregation that I went to in Azle, Texas, was that a man would not want to be a part of the "Bride" that is spoken about in Scripture. It's a bit of a stretch, but so many men do not want to follow the directions of another, so they preclude themselves from following through in faith, to be what they truly should be.

If I could, I'd like to suggest a study of Genesis and the particular phrase "your desire shall be for your husband." If you do a proper study, you'll be totally surprised at what is brought out by this study. It is nothing at all of what we think, in modern terms.

Again, just a few thoughts. :-)