Lemon Basket #526a June 6, 2009

THE LEMON BASKET: THE BEST & WORST OF THE WEB
#526 JUNE 6, 2009
Copyright 2009 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com

A FIELD DAY FOR JESTING PILATE

"Instead of types, create singularities."--Saul Bellow

"It makes a hell of a difference whether John F. Kennedy was killed by
just a loose cannon running around or a Secret Service agent working
for the East."--Stefan Aust

"Repressive mystification is difficult to attack or contradict, as it
often has behind it the support of the society or culture. Culture, in
turn, often appears organized around collective repressions."--Wilson
Bryan Key.

"Stalin retorted furiously: "People are thoughtless...They'll hear me
out and go on just as before. But I'll show you, if I ever lose my
patience. You know very well I can do that. I'll hit the fatsos so
hard you'll hear the crack for miles around!" He addressed himself
especially to Kaganovich and Beria, who knew "very well" how hard
Stalin could hit "the fatsos".--Simon Sebag Montefiore, STALIN: THE
COURT OF THE RED TSAR

"John-boy, lemme tell you something. You know, them chains ain't
medals. You get 'em for making mistakes. And you make a bad enough
mistake, and then you gotta deal with the Man. And he is one rough old
boy."--Cool Hand Luke

INTRODUCING...HONKEY'S DELI
"Food Sliced Before Your Eyes"

"ALL OUR SANDWICHES ARE HOUSE MADE"

1) HONKEY'S SPECIAL: Pastrami on White with Mayo. $5.99

2) THE MOTHER TRUCKER: Scrambled Egg Sandwich with Ketchup on Your
Choice of White or Raisin Bread. $3.99

3) THE HI AND LOIS SPECIAL: Mashed Potato Sandwich on Potato Bread. $2.99

4) NEPTUNE'S DELITE: "Fresh" Fish Cake Sandwich with Ketchup and Fries
Between Two Halves of a Toasted English Muffin. MARKET PRICE.

5) OUR "FAMOUS" ITALIAN SUB: We Don't Make It, We Build It! Featuring:
Crisp Iceberg Lettuce, Tomatoes, Pickles, Hard Boiled Eggs, Bologna,
Mustard, Mayonnaise, Relish, Olive Loaf, Cooked Salami, Pickle Loaf,
Ranch Dressing, And All On a Crisp "Sub" Roll Brushed with Butter and
Toasted Under a Broiler. NO SUBSTITUTIONS! $6.99

1*SALUTATION
ALL SHE NEEDS IS A LITTLE WHITENING POWDER WITH NEW NLP
National Review Will Decide How Sotomayor Should Pronounce Her Own Name
http://gawker.com/5271284/national-review-will-decide-how-sotomayor-should-pronounce-her-own-name

2*REFERENCE
ALL THESE DELI MEAT ARE BELONG TO ME!!!
http://www.farmlandfoods.com/products/deli-lunchmeats.asp

3*HUMOR
ZERO-BASED JOURNALISM
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/23/AR2007052301290_pf.html

4*NOVELTY
FLETCHER HANKS
I don't know much about Fletcher Hanks. Nobody does. But there has
been a sudden explosion of interest in this mostly-forgotten comic
book artist, the bulk of whose work was published in the
early-to-mid-1940s.

There were two of his stories published in the recent anthology
"Supermen", and one story reprinted in 2004's Art Out of Time. (That
latter collection was the first, to my knowledge, to ever reprint a
sample of Hanks' work in full.)

I believe, however, that he was long known among aficionados.His
bizarre skull-faced jungle-girl creation Fantomah was, in fact, first
mentioned in such works as Jerry Bails' The Collector's Guide: The
First Heroic Age (Detroit, Mich: J. Bails, 1969); in Lupoff and
Thompson's All In Color For a Dime (1970); in Steranko's History of
Comics Volume One (Supergraphics 1970); and in Ron Goulart's The Comic
Book Reader's Companion, an A-to-Z Guide to Everyone's Favorite Art
Form (HarperPerennial, 1993).

Now, of course, there are also the two new Fantagraphic collections,
which purport to be complete:

http://www.fantagraphics.com/index.php?opt...&Itemid=113

("You Shall Die By Your Own Evil Creation!" will be out in June of 2009.)

For info about obscure graphic artists, I always consult Lambiek's Comiclopedia:
http://search.freefind.com/find.html?id=2822888&pid=r&mode=ALL&query=Fletcher+Hanks

And my old buddy's Don Markstein's excellent Toonopedia site:
http://www.toonopedia.com/

Sure enough:
http://www.toonopedia.com/fantomah.htm

Needless to say, there's lots of info here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fletcher_Hanks

Including two stories (the first complete):
http://www.fortunecity.com/victorian/hartford/103/17two1.html#

http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/stupidcomics5.html

Comic Vine also has something on him:
http://www.comicvine.com/fletcher-hanks/26-56582/

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
CRAZY DRUNK HOBO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4EdahIkJtc&feature=related

6* DAILY UTILITY
THE HANDS THAT DO AND HEARTS THAT DARE
http://freemasonry.bcy.ca/brownies/bulletin/brownie_square.gif

7*CARTOON
JAY DISBROW
I read about the forthcoming second Fletcher Hanks collection in "Supermen."

About 25 years ago a similarly bizarre artist was (very briefly)
revived. His name was Jay Disbrow.
His work appeared, among other places, in Unsane #15 ("Frank Bunk:
Bring 'Em Back Dead Or Alive").

IMAGE:
http://www.comics.org/coverview.lasso?id=11378&zoom=4

http://www.comics.org/details.lasso?id=11378

Here's the last episode of his web-only comic "Aroc of Zenith":

http://www.marvelfamily.com/aroc/aroc.asp

SOURCE:
http://www.marvelfamily.com/aroc/archive.asp

Another (somewhat creepy) example of his work:
http://www.askart.com/AskART/photos/HER20070503_3831/44101.jpg

SOURCE:
http://www.askart.com/askart/d/jay_disbrow/jay_disbrow.aspx

A complete Disbrow story from 1953:
Revolt of the Jungle Monsters
from
Terrors of the Jungle #6
Cover by L. B. Cole
From the website
GOLDEN AGE COMIC BOOK STORIES [April 4, 2009]
http://goldenagecomicbookstories.blogspot.com/2009/04/jay-disbrow-revolt-of-jungle-monsters.html

8*PRESCRIPTION
THE SHAPE OF THE RECESSION: THE LUV W SHUFFLE
Long term, a graph describing a U seems to be where financial
indicators are heading.

We narrowly avoided L.

But may yet fall prey to V or W.

Time [6-1-09] also says oil at 58 in 2010 and 100 in 2016 OR oil at
100 and more, soon.

SEE ALSO:
http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1900900,00.html

ALSO SEE:
http://seekingalpha.com/article/139837-q1-results-reveal-profitability-strategies-for-bulls-and-bears?source=article_lb_articles

9*RUMOR PATROL
DOG FIGHTING
http://www.faqs.org/qa/qa-21812.html

1O*LAGNIAPPE
JIM GOAD'S EDITORIAL INTERNS
http://www.jimgoad.net/editorialinterns.html

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF
OTHER MEDIA
KEATS ON THE INTERNET
Give me but connection, and I'll unfold
Such proclamations as shall shake the night;
Give me but a topic and my anger bold,
Or word of feuding witlings in their spite;
Grant me an adversary and an hour
And leave me undertake my worthy quests;
My words shall prove my purpose and my power
Until my life shall cease and still my jests.

430. CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
THINGS DIMENNO COULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW

Installing an 8-track player.
Kicking the tires on an AOL contract.
Flipping through the ole Service Merchandise catalog.
Whispering to a moving car.
Writing countless letters to Reader's Digest and then mailing them
with postage that has not been sufficient since around 1991.
Challenging the server at Wikipedia to a little game of one-on-one.
Yelling at his accountant because the man on the Federal Express pony
had not yet arrived at his door.--WTF Jones

Calculating the algorithm contained within obsolete comic strips.
Watching static on an old analog TV.
Practicing phrenology on a statue of Don Quixote.
Quantifying the facets of sand grains.
Screaming at a librarian.
Translating Kaczynski into binary.
Trephining himself. --Benhamean

Conjugating the verbs of dead languages.
Peering at his list of randomly generated numbers and yelling them at passersby.
Writing cryptic aphorisms on restaurant sugar packets.
Putting on a postman's uniform so he can surprise the postman.
Unmasking Pynchon while wearing a Salinger mask.
Recreating the life of Charlie Patton in shoebox-diorama format.
Deconstructing something, hard.
Setting a dramatic reading of True Crime magazine (August 1954) to a
mashup of "Yakety Sax" and "Flight of the Bumblebee."--Jody the Pig

Carrying a concrete slab.
Washing his clown suit--Dan PM

Correcting Roget.
Yelling at his Chex Mix for being lazy, unscrupulous fops.--Danny Vermin

Putting the finishing touches on his stacks of old newspapers.
Reading the restraining order Robert Crumb sent him.
Incessantly calling AM radio shows that are not call in shows.
Counting how many names are in the phone book.
Ordering pizza at McDonalds.
Writing a 800 page essay to Funk & Wagnalls pointing out entries from
their 1974 edition that are no longer current.
Leaving dead birds, mice and candy bars in the overnight drop box at
Blockbuster.--Maximum Tor

Translating the Petagon Papers into Latin.
Feverishly researching evidence to help acquit Bruno Hauptmann of the
Lindbergh kidnapping/murder.
Posthumously indicting Caspar Weinberger of war crimes.
Demanding a recount for Samuel Tilden.
Writing meandering, stream of consciousness diatribes to Lynn Johnston's agent.
Taking a moment for a quiet and relaxing read.
http://www.german-ancestors.us/1.jpg
--Charlemagne

Ironing his purple suit.
Shouting at a parked car.
Mowing his paved driveway.
Running full sprint on and off exit ramps on the turnpike.
Brushing his teeth with a spoon.
Having a staring contest with a statue.
Winning the staring contest with a statue and now advancing to
quarterfinals against a head of lettuce.
Ironing his favorite tank top with a football.
Snorkeling in a big puddle--Sixpinelbow

Refilling his bottles of 100 different cooking oils.--Pete the Greek

Looking for clues in abandoned paper mills in Holyoke.--Dave K.

Cutting and pasting the binary code for Unix.--ImIdaho

[Editor's Note: What I was actually doing was:
1) Eating a bowl of multi-bran chex with 1% milk and ABC Trek Mix.
2) Talking to an accountant.
3) Preparing to write a grant application.
The hell of it is, eating the cereal was by far the most interesting
part of the day.]