So, yeah, I'm home from work today, and why is a story that is either really complicated or really simple.
See. I'd just gotten off of work yesterday, and we went to pick up one of my daughters from work -- the more aggressive and abusive one, who demanded our cell phone the moment she got in the car so she could call a friend and yell at them for going somewhere else instead of picking her up and hanging out with her, then started screaming at us because she'd left her cigarettes at work and wanted us to go back, then started screaming at us again to demand the cell phone since she hadn't taken care of her business yet and we'd had the audacity to put the cell phone back. Things weren't starting out well. After calling up a friend and talking for a bit about how she had 'some stuff' she'd left over there and she really needed it (that doesn't sound suspicious or anything, does it?), she started pleading and begging and demanding to be driven over to aforementioned friend's house, to acquire said stuff that she wouldn't tell what it was and to hang out with friends. And then, when Laura refused, she started kicking her. While she was driving, in the middle of downtown traffic.
Laura pulled over, having had enough verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, and demanded that she get out of the car now, and when she refused and locked the doors, I unlocked the door, got out, hauled her out, and put her there on the street, and we drove home without her. Let her figure out her own way home, or call up one of her friends for a ride -- we'd had enough.
Still, the stress was enough to push my angel to the point of a near-complete nervous breakdown -- she was trembling and crying for much of the evening, and of course we're waiting for the other shoe to drop when she eventually comes back and starts screaming and breaking things. Our mother-in-law, who owns the place, is staying out of it, although at least she does agree that when you start bracing yourself against the backseat and kicking the driver, you need to be ejected from the vehicle, so that's something.
Honestly, I'd rather have a restraining order - aforementioned daughter is eighteen and has a job, doesn't pay rent, currently may or may not owe the state roughly five hundred dollars as a fine due to disorderly conduct (telling a cop to go bleep off, and not helping her situation by being nasty to the judge as well), and according to her bank which called today, is overdrawn by about eighty dollars (and owes us thirty dollars for gas and other small debts.) We know for a fact that she's been taking drugs on certain occasions, and part of the reason we keep our room locked and our medicine in a locked pouch is because we discovered she'd stolen a large quantity of Laura's medication at one point.
So I'm home today, for two reasons -- one of which is because Laura is essentially too stressed out to be alone today, and is dangerously close to having a complete breakdown from this continual poor treatment; the other of which is because this daughter has threatened to kill us on various occasions, and because frankly I'm partly here to defend Laura in case the kid comes home and tries to attack or kill her again or start destroying our stuff.
We're trying to save up to get out of here, since it seems clear that we don't really have any other options besides live with the daily abuse until Laura or I actually break down entirely, but days like this make it hard to plan for the future when you're busy trying to survive the present.
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Comments: 17
You did the right thing ejecting her from the car. She had no right to abuse your wife like that. Maybe she will come back with an attitude adjustment. I hope everything will be OK.
This doesn't sound good Austin....it sounds like she may need some sort of intervention.
By the way - good for you for kicking her out of the car
I would do the same thing if i were in your shoes. What do you plan to do to help her because she is way ot of hand? I am sure her friends are also looking for ways to avoid her for good, hence not picking her up. I wish you all the best.
I'm so sorry, what a horrible situation for you and Laura. I hope you both can get out of your living arrangements very very soon!
Glad you kicked her out of the car. There is never a good reason to being hostile to the driver of the vehicle!
I hope you 2 will be able to save up so you can get out of there...and not give her your address! Let her just have contact via cell phone for awhile.
Kicking her out of the car was kind. I would have beat the hell out of her and refuse to let her in the house when she finally showed up.
Ugg.. I hope you guys are alright.
Kicking her out of the car and dropping her where she was...right move. Now, with her antics...kick her out of the house or have her removed. When she gets her head out of her butt and starts acting like a grown up 'lady'; she'll get the same in return. Until then, she's a brat and needs some tough love...or it's going to continue happening and that's not good for anyone...her, Laura, you, grammy and anyone else who has to put up with her crap. She wants to act like she is all the time...go somewhere else and she can act however she wants...until no one else will put up with her sh*t. Eventually, she'll learn her lesson and change when no one wants her around.
i am so sorry you have to deal with this.. tough love may be the only resort..
Oh my, it sounds like she needs some sort of help. Either go in for a drug rehabilitation or see a doctor that can put her on the correct drugs to help with her flying off the handle. She sounds a little bi-polar there. Or it could be the drugs she is taking that is making her this way. We had problems with our son when he was 19 but nothing as severe as this. She could have caused an accident and you were right to get her out of the car. As a parent it is so hard to do the tough love part but sometimes you have too.Unfortunately in today's world you don't know if it is just behavioral or drugs or a mental problem. My thoughts are with you and your wife and I hope everything works out.
Every case is different. I kicked one of my kids out when he started doing some really nasty/stupid stuff. It didn't take him long to realize he had nowhere to live and no way to make a living and he came back greatly changed.
Would that work in your case? I don't know. As was mentioned above you might try to get her into some kind of counseling (which I personally feel is a waste of money) or set up an intervention with several of her friends. If she finds that her friends don't like the way she's acting it might help.
Whatever way you go it was right to throw her out of the car and, personally, I agree with Kerry. Good luck.
oh,ya I would have pulled over too! She has no right to treat you that way!
Heh, I'd love to just kick her out of the house altogether for a while, but since I don't own the place, I don't actually get a say in it, unfortunately. (Why, yes, that is frustrating.) My mother-in-law actually owns the place, and she 'doesn't want to get involved' and 'doesn't want to kick anyone out'. Which is mildly fortunate, because aforementioned child has been trying to get <i>us</i> thrown out for the past few months, in between ordering us around and calling us a variety of obscenities that translate to 'worthless', but is less helpful when the daughter does something like punching Laura and the mother-in-law threatens to evict us if we call the police. (Yes, that's happened.) Granted, said mother-in-law is starting to realize that maybe said kid is trouble -- but it's an agonizingly slow process.
At any rate, she apparently called earlier today while we were out, trying to convince Grandma that I punched her and that we ejected her from the car for no reason. When that fell through, she eventually stated that she was coming over at some unspecified point to collect belongings, and was planning on living somewhere where someone believed her story that we're horrible, horrible people. More power to her if that works out, but I would bet every dime I have right now that she'll come back when that inevitably falls through (and that's a bet I'd be happy to lose), in a matter of months if not weeks. (Her friends don't seem to like her much either - hence trying to avoid her.)
Ah well. I have my plans -- save up five thousand dollars to get our own car and to afford an apartment or other rentable property we'd actually have some legal control over, and then if this ongoing saga is still ongoing, we can just say 'okay, we surrender, we're leaving first' and be on our way. I'm going to do what I can to save up money - through my job, through my book-selling, through my Gathering, and everything else - and I'm going to get us somewhere where we can be safe and happy, one way or another.
The only thing that terrifies me is that I have no idea how long I have, and episodes like these throw potholes in the planning and saving... so I'm pushing myself to my limits to try to make things happen, keep Laura and myself sane, and get us out of here before one of them tries to kill us.
So, yeah. Sorry for rambling about all of this, but I want this out of my head. I want to try to get to work tomorrow so that I'll at least get three days' pay out of this week, I want to get things done this weekend to start saving up, and I want to protect the woman I love as best I can.
A few nights in a detention home may help that attitude. I read alot of things like this on here. It is such a shame. She should try living on the streets for awhile and see that it is no fun.
Austin..I dont know what to add...
You don't need her in your house.. I would ask her to leave
Austin,
I missed this ealier, I feel for you guys so much, I went through something similar with my daughter and eventually she was diagnosed bi polar and a 3 month stint in rehab helped immensely, once a Dr diagnosed her we went to court and had her declared incompetant so that she did not have a say when we put her in rehab. Today she is 1 month sober and she is human again, the bipolar meds have made all the difference. Your daughters aggressiveness sounds so much like bi polar.