I just read one of the most racist articles on Gather and felt compelled to discuss race with Gather members who care. As a white, gay, and aging man, I've learned a few things. I could never truly understand the African American experience in this country as I'm not dark skinned or a descendant of slaves. But, I was alive during the Martin Luther King days and remember the many television broadcasts about his activities. I have read the papers since 1964. There were many articles about the civil rights movement. I lived on the "white" side of the tracks in a west side neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois during those times. I'd like to share a few stories that I remember from that time and then I'd like to share with you my ideas about what we can do about racism today.
The first time I was told that the races should remain separate was when I was ten years old. I walked about ten blocks to school everyday because my parents chose a Roman Catholic school for me. The public school was two blocks away, but I only attended kindergarten there. I lived on the north side of the street. The "blacks" lived on the south side of the street at the time. So, I made my usual walk up the street to get to school. One morning, a "black" kid around my age said "Hello" to me. I returned the hello and asked him where he went to school. He said that he went to school in the suburbs and took the train. (The train station was across the street from us.) I told him to have a good day, he told me to do the same and that was my first interaction with anyone with dark skin. It was a harmless and benign encounter. I forgot about it and went on with my day.
In the evening, I was doing my homework at the kitchen table when the phone rang. As children, we did not answer the phone. My parents answered the phone. It was considered an adult thing to do. Roles for children and adults were more clearly defined in those days. My father answered the phone and talked for a long time with someone. To this day, I don't know who he spoke with. When he hung up, he called me to the living room. He told me that someone saw me talking with a "negro boy" today. He wanted an accounting of what was said and why this boy was where he was. I told him that we said "hello" and that he told me that he went to school in the suburbs. Dad was not angry and did not punish me. He simply stated that whites and negroes (the term used at the time) have the take the bus and train together at times, but we do not talk to each other. I asked my Dad "Why?" He said that it is just the way it is.
My grandmother refused to go downtown because there were too many "blacks" there. My mother told me that "blacks" wanted all "whites" dead and not to trust them. The nuns at school told us that Martin Luther King was just an angry man who needed to get closer to the "Lord." So, I did not grow up in a household where there was a clear understanding of the civil rights movement. It was not until high school that I interacted with a "black" person again. I went to a public high school. There were many "black" kids there. Whites and blacks stayed to themselves, so the only time I spoke with "black" kids was during biology experiments and in history class. Martin Luther King was murdered when I was in eighth grade. Not one person in my school mentioned it. It was all over the news, but the teachers did not discuss the matter. When I entered high school that year, all that anyone talked about was the life of Martin Luther King and civil rights. There were so many opinions about race and the way things ought to be. My English teacher assigned a research paper about Martin Luther King. I read many newspaper articles about the movement and came to the conclusion that, in fact, the laws favored the whites and that blacks simply wanted opportunity. So, I wrote that in my concluding paragraph of my research paper. That paper was published in the school newspaper. I suddenly became hated by everyone in my school (or so it seemed). And, I was finally forced to take a stand. I took my first stand against the racist system that denied opportunity to people of color. I wrote a subsequent article about the Chicago Transit Authority and their refusal to hire blacks for the school newspaper. I was subjected to hateful remarks by my classmates. I was told that I disgraced my white race. Many black kids thanked me for the article, but the principal did not let me participate in the school newspaper after that. The teacher/sponsor of the school newspaper agreed with the principal. She said that I liked to stir up trouble and that it wasn't allowed at school. I didn't protest. I simply did not write another article or participate in anything like that again. Kids would tell me that I should get involved in a protest newspaper, but I didn't. I just wanted to be left alone.
When I was a junior in high school, I came out (gay). My male friends couldn't stop talking about girls and I was just confused. Then one day, a boy kissed me in the locker room. I immediately knew that this was nature at work. I had many interactions with blacks by this time. I was pretty good in English and understood Geometry. A black girl asked me to help her with her homework one day. We became great friends. She is now an attorney who works for the city that she lives in today. We still talk after all of these years about once or twice a year. I had a miserable encounter with a black kid when I was a senior. I was a volunteer at a homeless shelter for my church. Wouldn't you know it, one of the "homeless" that came in one night was a black classmate of mine from high school. We fed him and I believe that he stayed overnight in the church basement. The next day, he threatened to beat me up. He accused me of talking about him around school. He was very intimidating. A few of my friends witnessed this and reported it to the principal. The principal suspended the black kid. I never told anyone that he was at the church the night before. I think that he was afraid that I talked about it, but he would have been wrong. I didn't tell anyone and have never been that kind of person. Many black kids turned against me that year. They just stopped talking to me. I felt terrible. There wasn't much that I could do. I don't know his version of events, but my conscience is clear. I graduated and soon forgot about all of that ugliness.
In college, there was a black man in my Algebra class who I became friends with quickly. He had a great sense of humor and was quite intelligent. We decided to share an apartment. I had a male lover and he went out with many girls at the time. It was a good arrangement because neither one of us could afford an apartment on our own. My parents were furious that I had a black roommate. They claimed that my roommate would steal my money and that I would never be trusted by anyone. Well, nothing like that ever happened. We shared the apartment till the year's lease was up and remained great friends until his death in a car accident in 1985.
During my senior year of college, I was asked about Jim Crow laws. I had never heard the term Jim Crow before. I wrote a paper on the laws and for the first time truly understood what white privilege was all about. It had never occurred to me before that whites enjoyed respect for doing nothing other than being white. In retrospect, I recall times when I was not admitted into bars because I was with black people. I remember that when I applied for my first mortgage that a black couple was turned down by the same bank. There was a demonstration by a black organization at the time. I paid very little attention at the time. I was shocked to learn that the couple earned so much more money than I did and put 20% down on their house. I only put 15% down and requested special consideration because our first baby was on the way. In those days, the down payment was expected. So, as luck would have it, someone at the bank knew about the consideration that was granted me and made it an issue in the courts. I read about my mortgage application in the morning newspaper to highlight discrimination against blacks. (Of course, my name was not released.) I agreed with the protesters. No one who qualifies should be denied a mortgage because of race. Today, it still happens, but the laws are on the side of minorities. So, it is better. There is a long way to go, however. It was just in January that I heard a home inspector say that he does not work in black neighborhoods because blacks don't pay their bills. Of course, it isn't true. There are plenty of whites who don't pay their bills. One thing that I've learned is that there is good and bad in all. People need to be judged on their behavior and interaction: not on their race or category.
Since those days, I have taught many black fourteen year old students. I have been a member of the NAACP for many years. I don't sit back and allow racist attitudes to be expressed without a disagreement. I can't change the situation on a grand scale, but I can be a voice who refuses to allow racist people to have the last word. The United States of America has a special issue regarding race because of the history of slavery and the many years of unequal laws that encouraged a racist system. It is always a mystery to me that so many people dismiss the concerns of African Americans as somehow petty and unworthy. Discrimination continues to exist. There is nothing wrong with rejecting a person who behaves badly regardless of race. But, there is something wrong with someone who thinks that African Americans can be lumped into one group of qualities. There are smart African Americans and there are pretty stupid ones. There are smart Caucasian Americans and there are pretty stupid ones. In the end, people are just people. We could all learn to admit the true history of race in America and behave a little better towards one another, in my opinion.
I recommend that everyone live by the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you have them do unto you." Look beyond race and consider that it just might be the person you are not used to interacting with who can do you the most good. And, adopt a caring attitude in all that you do. Look at it from the other person's point of view. You might learn something and be able to make a difference.
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Comments: 84
This is an excellent article. You were very courageous to stand up like that in high school. And your article makes many good points. Thank you for sharing it.
A great article everyone should read, dear Joe! :-) Kudos to you!
Blessings and best wishes - S.
I never understood racism. I always tell people, "If I got a sunburn, I'd be a different color. Would you look at me any differently? Treat me any differently?" The whole concept of racism is nothing but hurtful.
Joe this was good.
I grew up in a very small town in Northern Iowa. There werent any black people but I remember we would be watching TV and my mom would comment things like "He is good looking for a black guy". She never used the n word but the way she said black it meant the same.
This is a wonderful, heartfelt article, Joe. The more I read about you, the more respect I develop toward you. You are truly a beautiful person.
a really good article......i am of that era but my experiences were very different..... sometimes i think it was more difficult in the north than in the south.......
Racism is "different-ism" writ large. Sure, there are a host of special excuses Americans use to give themselves "permission" to hate, mistreat and denigrate black people, slavery not being the least of those... but we seem to need, as a society, to find some difference to define groups with whom we will be at odds.
I live in SE Michigan, which I believe, based on 65+ years of observation, to be the most racially divisive location in the USA. Despite everything I said above - I don't get it. How is this still going on? And it seems to have a LOT to do with a significant number of detractors of President Obama. Everything is coded, but I recognize the tone, the cadence, the old attitudes.
Dam' shame.
SE MI is racist both ways. Detroit has decided to make 8 mile a moat and that they don't need or want "whites" in their area, their business, or their schools.
On the other hand, I had to forbid my BIL from using the N word around my children. I told him and my hubby if it happened again, he wouldn't be allowed in my home anymore.
I have to chuckle at your comment about racially divided areas. I still think St Louis has you beat. St Louis is an old extremely conservative area where people are generous to a fault but the racial division influences just about everything especially in government applications. I remember the Boad of Alderman couldn't even agree on a color for the dumpsters in the alleys and argued for weeks along color lines.
The same way conservatives have geared up to appose whoever Obama nominates to the Supreme Court they do the same thing in St Louis anytime a non white reaches a level of recognition and even dare mentions running for city wide office. It is so ingrained in most until they don't think the simply react. I'll never forget being at a meeting where some elected officials were answering questions when the fellow next to me shouted out but is "he" qualified? Qualifications is only brought up when a person of African descent is in question. I asked how did qualifications get in the mix when he's an alderman already. The fellow simply said, "he ain't white. Ain't I suppose to appose him? "
That, as hilarious as it might be, if it wasn't such a disgusting situatoin is the general tenor we deal with all the time.
Debra comment stalk me or Joe to the article that inspired this.
will do, Lori.
Ha! He deleted my comment.
Debra W May 24, 2009, 11:48am EDT By Letting a Black man in as President, the person needed to be one that would not be competent enough to do a good job, but one they could easily promote to look competent. What will you say when Obama goes down in History as being one of the most competent Presidents ever elected? We could say the same about Bush in a way: By Letting an idiot from Texas in as President, the person needed to be one that would not be competent enough to do a good job, but one they could easily promote to look competent.
Yes, I just wrote about this in my comment below, too. Debra. Thank goodness for people like Joe on gather to counteract the negativity and racism of people like Dan.
Hi Carla. I noticed he deleted Joe's comment also. Joe beat me to the punch... but he enforced my own thoughts.
Awesome!
Thanks for bringing up the subject of "different-ism," Chuck. Too many people focus on the differences and fail to see the similarities. I often have the same feeling when I listen to "code" for discussing race. There are a few people who dislike President Obama not based on anything that he has done but solely based on his race.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
Sadly, Joe, it's more than a few. Someone said to me the other day that Obama was ruining the country and we desperately needed to get him out of office. I told him that I actually like Obama. His reply? "He kills babies, Linda." and walked off. What do you say to such ignorance? I was flabbergasted over how people can remain so willfully ignorant.
<I was flabbergasted over how people can remain so willfully ignorant.>....in the name of religion.
Racism is still rampant, just underground due to the 'politically correct' attitude of today. It is much harder to recognize when it is subtle rather than blatant--and much harder to confront as a result. But yes, it is still very much alive.
I live in a predominantly black neighborhood and am not afraid to do so. I work in a predominantly white male field as support staff. The difference is that while I'm not afraid to live where I do, some of my co-workers (no matter which skin color they have) exhibit a fearful or defensive attitude whenever they encounter someone of another race--unless that person is of equal rank and educational level. My belief is that socio-economic class plays a bigger role in racism than has been adequately studied and reported.
But then, people tend to fear what they haven't been exposed to...or who.
"People will outgrow stereotypes out of encounters with people who don't fit those stereotypes." ~ Mary Catherine Bateson: anthropologist and daughter of Margaret Mead
I grew up in a small midwestern town which had one black family, when I was small. The grandmother was (by reputation) an ex-madam who had moved there from New Orleans or something and brought her (illegitimate) daughter and (illegitimate) granddaughter with her. I don't know if any of that is actually true, but I went to school with the granddaughter and found her to be a bit eccentric but otherwise no different from others in my school.
Later, the local college took to recruiting young black students from Chicago and Los Angeles so they could build a better basketball team, and it worked. Many of those students stayed, married local (white) women and became a part of the community.
There was racism, but not so rampant as some places. I still chuckle over a story my father used to tell, about pumping gas at a local service station in the late forties when a pickup truck loaded with what appeared to be two black families and all their worldly possessions pulled up to the pump. Dad filled their tank and chatted with one of the men, and when they went to leave, the man asked Dad where the black section of town was.
Dad said he scratched his head and wondered at the question, and told him there was no such place. "Oh," the man said, "We aren't welcome. I get it."
"No," my father told them. "You're welcome anywhere. There's no black section because there are no black people, but we don't have anything against you."
In most respects, I would not call my life "sheltered" but growing up in that town must have sheltered me from much hate.
I recently got in a discussion with someone about Mother's Day. He was sympathizing with a female acquaintance who "had no relationship" with her daughter. I told him it probably was not as cut and dried as what she said it was, and probably was not entirely one-sided. It was explained to me then, that the mother in question put her foot down when she found a black man climbing through her daughter's bedroom window.
"OK," I told my friend, "I get it. So the ungrateful daughter could not have just found a white man to climb through the window instead? I mean, would that have made her mother happier?"
"Probably." I was told.
I shared at that time, my view, which was that if the mother was a bigot, that may impact the daughter's respect for her mother. That color alone would make her daughter's behavior acceptable or not, was inexcusable, to me and likely to the daughter. I'd have had a problem with a man climbing in my 19 year-old's window in MY house... and I think that would be justified. But to feel it was only wrong because the man was black?? Believe me, we had a very long, heated discussion about the subject, and I did make sure I got the last word. I may not have changed my friend's mind, but I made him think.
This was a great piece, Joe, and I couldn't agree more. Thanks for sharing your experiences and your perspective.
Joe, THANK YOU for writing this heartfelt article of your own personal experience. I hope that it gets the readership it deserves and will open some minds and hearts. I just finished reading a very racist article by a guy named Dan here on Gather and it sickened me. Your article has lifted my spirits and given me hope.
Hi Carla,
I didn't read the article written by "Dan", and I'm only able to imagine what he said.
However, it isn't the "Dans" of this world that bother me, and bother so many other African Americans. Rather, it is those who are most completely immersed in institutional racism -- now, THEY are alarming. They want to assure you they are not racists by all the causes they support; heck, they may even be members of organizations, such as the SPLC, NAACP, or the ACLU; they wish to be PC.
Then, there are the ones who smile in your faces, and even pretend to be supportive to your cause; they aren't -- it's all a sham and who knows what their true motives are. It might be that they do it for "appearances" sake, or they wish to be PC, too. Who knows?
Take home message: while racism is ugly, no matter what its form or motive, the worst is the subtle racist, the deceitful racist. Then, it's elusive, and intangible, and is therefore able to be the most dangerous, and do the most damage.
I agree, Lady Neee. It does exist and it is insidious. There are people here on gather who make complaints that liberals are "playing the race card" and don't acknowledge that racism still exists in this country.
Very wel written and so true. I grew up in a "racist" household (which I never understood as we were the rainbow family) One of my best friends growing up was from the "indian" side of town, and my bio would get in a rampage if I went there to go play. Finally one day I asked her why..." because if you go by them your going to end up just like your father, a dirty indian."....that was the day I found out I was half Indian, (I didn't know my father except by snippets of memories, but I did remember my grandmother had long black hair, wore funny clothes "I thought then" and had a big mole on her neck and lived on a reservation...but I didn't know what that was at the time)
Now I live in a small town, and I see racisim all the time, but from the older crowd mainly, but also from my own age group. I found out that up till 30 years ago, no "black" family stayed here for more than a month...most were chased out of town.
It is unbelievable...but believable.
Now I got to comment stalk you to find out where this started from.
I grew up around white "Christians" who laughed about black people being ridiculous. It seemed to be their only form of humor - mocking.
When Obama haters all claim they aren't racist, I have to wonder where they are all hiding, since there's so many in America. I KNOW there is !!!
Joe! Who knew we had something in common! MY first roommate was a black man! You think YOUR parents were angry? HAHAHA
I believe your generation paved the way and made it easier for my age group (King was murdered when I was 8), to have easier interracial relationships. Yes, I've been called everything except a child of God by both blacks and whites, been spit at and threatened, but it's a rare occurance. In high school, my best friend was a black girl and we didn't really think about race. I remember asking her one day if I could touch her hair - she wore it natural- and we laughed about it. The black kids sort of stayed in a group - they were the clear minority in our small town- but we all played sports and did activities together. There was a little interracial dating, but usually the black girls would threaten to beat the hell of the white girl, so it wasn't until after high school that I felt it was safe to go out with a black guy.
I remember when I came home from recording school and showed my best friend a photo of my new boyfriend. She didn't speak to me much after that. Her mom and grandma were excited about it, but her mom explained to me my friend thought I had "taken" something that should have been hers. That made me angry because she never met the guy and most likely would never have met him in the course of her life. Plus I know white guys that asked her out and she turned them down, all the while whining that she couldn't get a date.
I've had two serious relationships, both with black men. (I guess Wil and I are serious- 23 years in and no one has packed.) The first relationship produced two children. When I was pregnant with my first child, my father actually said it would depend how dark the child was as to whether he'd accept it or not. The relationship between me and my family eventually disenegrated, though my daughter still talks to her grandparents. But my grandparent, who very much believed in racial separation, adored their great grandchildren and even came to accept Wil. That was an amazing step for them. To live 70 years and finally see that it doesn't make a difference- a good person is a good person no matter how nappy his hair.
One other thing. Wil and I have noticed people our age use the term "black" comfortably. Wil doesn't like the term "African-American." His mom, who just turned 80, still says "negro" to describe someone. (She also will use the phrase, "I haven't seen her in a coon's age," which surprised me the first time I heard it because "coon" was used very derogaterily where I grew up. Wil just laughs when she says it.)
The only people I'm around that I hear using "African-American" are college professors. I've never heard anyone in the neighborhood, old, young, or in-between, use that.
I'm very glad you wrote this article!
I have NEVER understood the term "african-american" most black people I've met, and I've met quite a few in my years, have never been to Africa, have NO idea if they have distant relatives there, or what part their ancestors would have come from. Some, including my modeling teacher, found it offensive because THEIR family came from Jamaica!
"I'm no damn African American, I'm an American, I proabably pay more in taxes than most of you people MAKE!"-Whoopie Goldberg responding to reporters when she and Ted Danson were dating and he went to a party or something in "black face".
Yeah, that's sort of how Wil feels about it- like Whoopie. We have neighbors who are actually from the African continent. Neither one of them are terribly fluent in English yet, but I think they're Somali. We have a huge population of Somali people here. They tend to look down on black people. Our neighbors are cool though.
EM JAY, what term is used is definitely a generational thing. My grandfather (he would be 98 this year if he'd lived) could not call black people anything but the 'n' word (usually prefaced by the phrase "a damn good..."; my parents absolutely refuse to apply any label of genetic/geographic origin to anyone not having immigrated from another country; I grew up using the term 'black' in descriptive context--not derogatory; and my son, at age five, asked me why people at his school were called 'black' when they were actually brown...and since then has refused to include skin color as part of any description of his friends. (He's now almost 19).
Frankly, if I hear racial prejudice conversation going on--from either viewpoint--I get up and walk out of the room. I'm not about to get into a confrontation--I'm much more eloquent in print--but neither am I going to condone it by remaining present. I'm much more a 'win 'em over one by one' kind of person. Ripping apart someone in public just makes another enemy.
I do not use the term Afircan American either but it has more to do with someone else forcing a label on me I don't accept. I know I have linage which is from Africa but I was born in the US so I am American. I refer to those of us like me as of African descent.
I have NEVER understood why so many people are pre-occuppied with how others, especially African Americans choose to defind themselves. There is no need visit Africa in order to justify that we are descendents of Africans.
We surely aren't Native Americans. Allow us to define ourselves as we see fit. I see no harm from it. It seems as if everything we do is under such scrutiny.
I've never heard anyone say that they don't understand Chinese/American, Mexican/American, German/America or any of the other groups that use similar prefixes.
Hi Lloyd- I wasn't saying there is anything wrong with it, I just don't know anyone (except collge profs.) who use that term to define their identity.
But honestly, I don't quite understand the hyphenated Americans whose families are generations deep born in this country. My ancestry is so diverse, I'd need a lot of hyphens, and my kids! Oy Vey!
EM JAY (во как!) W. -- good morning!
What your Somali neigbors attitude toward African Americans? I believe that to be more of a personal issue rather than their national sentiment. Religion seems to be far more important to them.
My buddies and I use the term "African American" all of the time when referring to ourselves, and most of my buddies are not college professors. Aside from the joke that many of us make,
"What are we calling ourselves this week!"
There is no conscious effort to do it.
;=)
Our neighbors are very friendly, but they don't have a great grasp of English yet. They don't hesitate to speak to either of us though. I know some in the Somali community are very arrogant when dealing with Amercians, especially black people. Wil says part of it is that they came from well respected lines of work in Somali, but in the US, they don't have the language skills to get the same sort of work, so they're angry about it.
such a well written article!
I have never understood racist thoughts, it is my beleif that we are all human, we all bleed the same darn blood, feel happiness, hurts, disapointment and elation....
now I am gonna go comment stalk ya to see what started this :>}
Absolutely. People are discriminated for a lot of things, not just skin color. However, when it IS skin color it takes on a life of it's own as it is one of the most OBVIOUS prejudices. Red blood runs through yellow, black, white, red, and any other color skin you find.
thanks, Joe. You've succintly put my views into place. It's good to see all of the supportive, enlightened comments too. I'm going to see if I can direct others to this article.
Um, you were successful, Nyota!
;=)
I, too, experienced discrimination from whites for not being a racist. That is one of the many ways that I have been lucky in life. Without that abuse, I would be too tolerant of racist comments and attitudes. Having experienced that abuse, my emotions surge at racism.
Excellent, Awesome, Beautiful article - thank you, Joe, for your candor and sharing.
Hi great article about racism.thanks
white and blacks we are all the same through the almighty GOD's power.
Everyone whats to beloved,if you hate some one,you will be hated.so whatever you do,will be done onto you.Every one is unique and together we stand
At the age of six, I felt strongly that water fountains for whites only, etc. was wrong. I lived in town where there were no blacks but I knew that they were human. Today two black friends are in my will.
This is one of the best articles I have read on Racism from a caucasian view! I often get disparaged as I have been raised in an area that the klan can still actively run people out of town without anyone seeing a thing. It is infuriating and frustrating. It is an untenable situation, and I will fight it in every way I can!! Thanks for a great article!
what's the deal with comments not appearing in the order of the time they were placed?
You're probably seeing the times from responses to comments, which is a new feature here, Nyota. That's why the comments appear to be out of order.
As an 80s baby I grew up on the outside looking in at the civil rights movement. I always found racism illogical, hating somebody for something they can control. Most of the problem I've ever had was from people of my on race. I think we are born good people, but our teachings and environment affects the person we are going to be. Take babies for example, they don't know what racism is, u put 2 babies of different races and put them in a room with toys, they will play with each other without problem. It's not until they get fed that racist garbage that they become racists. Luckily people are strong-minded enough to over come that. Great article Joe, we will be a truly equal world. Can u direct me to the racist article?
Not just babies. I used to teach art at our neighborhood rec center where most of the kids were black. One day we were all joking around and one of the kids made reference to me being white. Her little sister, who was about 7, looked at me in surprise and asked, "You're WHITE?" At first we thought she was kidding and we laughed, but she was serious. "But you talk like us," was her reason. She was looking past the blonde hair and blue eyes and letting her ears dictate my race.
Well done Joe--being a New England native with Southern raised parents I respect your character and conviction of spirit. I am a WWII baby and my temperament is often not silent for northern racial tolerances much less southern sensibility. I realized at an early age that I was not one who could survive well in the south--I am too outspoken for any complexion to remain silent in the face of ignorance.
The horrifying truth is that of the pernicious Insipid bloviations of the Bible thumping so-called Christians claiming righteousness in thought and deed while demonizing others for attributes of their DNA. Being a Christian is more than attending church it is also NOT using any part of the Bible to condemn another person that is a privilege belonging to God and God alone.
Quotes from Joe: “Why?” (“He said that it is just the way it is.”) I have also heard this answer--actually a non-answer that causes me to believe that many whites now and then do not know why they must keep separate. Humans are so complex, emotionally, and what drives them to adhere to group thinks which are demeaning of others is a conundrum--a mystery of the ages and one I am afraid will not be resolved in my lifetime.
Great job Joe reading your words I felt a deep self-peace as you told your story--peace is a great feeling to live with and share. Thanks!
Joe, I applaud your article here and appreciate the efforts you put into it. I was married to my Judy for 25 years and our mixed marriage was only a problem to some of those in public places who didn't know us. Families, friends and neighbors had no problem with us and with all the community activities we became involved in we were often called the mini UN cause we raised so much hell about many things wrong in the community.
It angered us when someone just couldn't resist bringing up race where we were concerned even if it had nothing to do with the topic. Yes, conditions have improved a bit but there is a long way to go in that far too may carry a disgust or hatred for others who are different from them keeping it just below the surface.
Thanks again, Joe, for posting this excellent article.
Look now, the white supremacist are afraid in 40 years white will be a minority.They scared to death that all minority are making political gains and gaining power with numbers. They want to keep supremacy, why?
Because they have no balls. Take their guns and the are cowards.
racism is always about power not race, they use as a reason for their evil deeds to make you feel bad.
You did a good job standing up like that.
In his comments here, Spencer T. took the words right out of my mouth. I guess he and I hold to similar beliefs about this matter.
What else is it going to take? How many new generations need go through such horrid experiences before we all get it?
Hatred (on any "-ism" basis whatsoever)--yes, hatred demeans the hater as much as it does the hated.
God hearing from you again, Joe.
What I really like abou this article Joe, is how it demonstrates (in your personal experience) one of (if not the...) most surpreme attributes a human can have; independent thinking. That's not always easy when you're as young as you described, and most adults never get the idea either - to their tragic detriment.
Thank you for sharing, Joe. Such an important topic.
Well the racist sob deleted my comment also, big surprise.
they always try to hid e their bigotry but it never works.
Reverend wright was as right as rain in his "controversial"comments about America.
Racism is still alive and well here ,just hidden a little better.
Great post Joe.
Brought back a lot of memories from my midwestern childhood.
that was a great post, and to be so young and stand up like that, that was awesome of you, a lot of people dont do that, and it is sad... I have always tried to teach the kids that everyone is the same, we dont make fun of anyone different, and they have friends of all nationalities and it gets really hilarious around my house sometimes, people are people, kids are kids, idiots are idiots......
Good for you, Joe! One of the things I am most grateful to my parents for is the way they brought us up to judge people by character, not by color. If you're raised with that hate, I think it's a terrible thing to overcome. Growing up, my parents had many black friends and schools in this area were desegregated for as long as my mom can remember.
One funny story from my life...when I was away at school, my roommate dropped out. My new roommate moved in and was looking for me. She was from Detroit and she found me while I was using one of the shower stalls. She later told me that when she heard my accent, she just thought...Oh, no, I've got one of those people for a roommate. She was very relieved that I wasn't one of those people. We're still best friends.
OK, Amanda...who was what?
See my post about there being no default in the human race and you'll get what I mean.
P.S. I'm from Detroit [(;p)] !
One time a Baptist minister's wife refused to have anything more to do with me because I didn't think that Martin Luther King, JR. was a communist. I asked her why she thought he was and she wouldn't even tell me. She just said that we shouldn't be friends anymore if I didn't think like she did. (It wasn't much of a loss to me. Who wants friends like that?)
I grew up in Chicago in the 70's & 80's. There were race riots at my high school at least once a month, one of which ended in a death (some idiot thought it would be clever to dress as a Klan member for Halloween, and used it as an excuse to beat up a black boy, which situation devolved into a riot. The faux clan member didn't survive it.) I never really understood all the anger on both sides ( believe me, racism is NOT a one way deal) as I was raised to believe that people were people. Many of my parent's friends were black or Mexican, and no reference was ever made about race except in reference to cooking. I do recall how shocked I was when my normally soft-spoken mother put her foot down HARD when someone made a racist comment in front of her - I hadn't known she could be that vehement about anything. I'm the same way, and that is how I've raised my daughter. Funny, though - I've been called racist umpty times just because I disagreed with someone who wasn't white. I think that's sad.
It is sad the conversations of ignorant people who live with so many bad things going on in the world. We can't move forward because we allow so many bad thing to keep us moving backward. Racism is a problem that is small compared to the discrimination that is made upon mankind. There are people who don't like people! I don't like anything that is against the WORD OF GOD. The enemy of mankind has us all confused. We don't know who or what we are. We don't know what is seen right in front of our faces. There is nobody that can tell me that because they have never seen another race of people there was no racism placed on them by white or any other nationality of people. We are not a sheltered people.
Even today we see that people are being terrorized by war and why? This is another form of racial violence upon mankind. We need to come to grips with LOVE and as Joe says to do to others what we would want done to us. Tell me if anyone of us would like to be running away from bullets flying all around us in the streets because soldiers want to hide among civilians, running scared from something they wanted to do in the first place. There are some soldiers who don't want to be killers but for the ones' who do this for their country they should find some place away from people who want to live happily like in 300 and just go at it. KILL EACH OTHER UNTIL THEY ARE ALL DEAD!!!
And for those who stay behind and make laws against mankind because they want riches that exceed everything that most people can work for; let these hell raisers go somewhere that they can all see how they live without poor people around them. Let them all enjoy their lives together seeing how they can make it doing for themselves.
I'm a witness to all the wrongdoings to mankind and so are you. We all allow these devils to rule over us and when some of us are separated from the crowd and linched or chopped down by an explosion of bullets or bombed down our ignorance comes out. It is easy to hide behind closed doors but we are not shielded by what is going on in the world because GOD has given mankind technology that communicates everything that is happening in the world of hatred for MANKIND.
I'm sorry that this is a lot of words but we must take off our blinders and know that a man is a man and so on and so on. Confusion has gotten the best of us all and if we keep saying that we don't know the wrong that is happening DEATH will continue to come to those who are too good to die and we'll keep on saying " I never thought this could happen..."
GOD BLESS YOU ALL...
Wonderful post, Joe, and very nice comments from the Gatherites. It's great reading all this and not a derogatory word in any of the comments. Perhaps racism and homophobia are taking a back seat to politics these days. That topic seems to incite more people, anyway.
I've lived a long time, and I've seen racism slowly decline. Unfortunately, it's still going to be a while before we can claim a healthy environment has finally arrived. I agree that racism begins at home, and is often reinforced in school and church. Discrimination is dealt with in the laws and courts, but prejudice cannot be changed the same way. Being from New England, I saw how desegregation in schools didn't always have a happy ending. Kids were taken from their familiar neighborhoods and bussed miles away. Parents were angry, both black and white, kids were confused and sometimes oppostional. I don't believe I ever heard how successful, or not, this program was. I do know that I continue to hear, even now, racist comments from my fellow white folk. Some young, most older.
I pray that someday, we'll all be friends and have the same opportunities regardless of skin color, religion and sexual orientation. What scares me the most are the bigots and hypocrites hiding under the guise of religion.
Wow! I fully expected that about six to ten people in my connections list would read this article. I really wrote it just as an attempt to counteract an article about Obama's lack of qualifications and inability to lead. Of course President Obama is more qualified that President George Bush was and is showing incredible leadership as he introduces new ways of thinking about many of our issues.
I have to respond to a few of you. All of the comments were great and I think that I would like to write more articles about racism. It is a dialogue that we need to have in this country, I think.
Spencer - your comments about St. Louis and segregation are true of so many large cities in our nation. Here in Chicago, it is the south and west sides of the city that remain predominantly black while the southwest and northwest sides of the city are predominantly white or Latino. The north side of the city is fairly mixed and features my favorite section that some us irreverently call "Homo Heights." The formal name for that area is the Halsted Street District. You are correct that when people know you, race just doesn't seem to matter. (More thoughts later)
Nellie - the saddest factor in your family experience is that you might have learned so much from your Native American grandmother. Bigotry denied you someone who might have benefitted you greatly. I think that our own bigoted thoughts work against us in so many ways. As an English teacher to speakers of foreign languages, I've been accused of contributing to the illegal immigration problem in the country. I have developed a cold stare (at the person or off in an imaginary distance) that I employ when I encounter such ignorance.
EM JAY - Thank you so much for your generous sharing of your life experience. I don't understand how anyone can sit in judgment of two people who are comfortable and happy together. Say hello to Wil and I wish you twice as many happy and healthy years together.
Kacie - I just have to end my comment with your scenario of me talking with my parents about my black roommate. You are truly a joy and thank you for such an honest comment.
"Mom, Dad, I have a new roommate."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, she's black. We plan to marry."
Shock. Dismay. Bit lips. Anger. "Why, if you marry a black woman--"
"Only kidding! My roommate's a white man! I'm gay!"
"Oh, son, you really had us going there!" ~ Kacie Kameron (fabulous Gather member)
Well written all I can add is Amen! I agree with what you write! Write on!
This was a wonderful article! One of my Dad's favorite recollections is when I was in 1st grade, an Uncle asked if I had any black kids in my class. My response was 'No, but there is a brown one though'. Thankfully I was blessed to have non-racist parents who passed on their values on to me.
America was able to elect the first African American president forty years after Martin Luther King was assassinated because of the changing attitudes the generation that grew up during those times. I was a high school senior in 1968 and I too recall the tension and anger that followed those events. It is ironic that Chicago was able to produce an enlightened electorate after the violence of the Democratic Convention in the summer of 1968 and the campus uprisings in 1969. Maybe America is truly becoming a melting pot where race will not matter in the future. It is truly refreshing to see that many now realize as you discovered so many years ago that opportunity can change lives and families . I only regret that it took so long and that too many lost their lives or were denied the chance to reach their potential because they were born too soon. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for refusing to accept the " way it is. "
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." ~ Madame Marie Curie
I like to remember a quote from Ruth Fulton Benedict:
It seems so much of racism is perpetuated culturally, but we so often forget that what we do to others, we do to ourselves ... positively and negatively.
Joe, I think this is a terrific and important piece. Thank you. I have often had a difficult time speaking about race, because I am never totally comfortable speaking on behalf of one group of people or about another. Sharing your own specific experiences, however, solves that problem. The recounting you do here is, in many ways, more powerful than an historic examination.
You share that the majority is often totally unaware of the outright or subtle discrimination faced by a minority group. You describe that members of the majority feel pressure to "stay in line" with traditions rather than calling-out inequity and working for change. And you do it by sharing your own story.
I am not surprised so many others responded, Joe. Many of us have had similar experiences in our lives. You were courageous enough to share yours. Thanks, especially, for that.
I too, am not surprised that so many others have responded. What Joe seemed to do was to tackle this sensitive subject from a standpoint that many have experienced, but like you, feel uncomfortable speaking on behalf on a specific group of people. So yes, by Joe sharing his own experiences, to a hugh degree he did solve the problem.
I'm just happy to see the many positive replies to this post. It basically shows that most people understand that what happened in the past was wrong. And it is these same people who will eventually put an end to racism here in the United States.
More than ever, people of all races find themselves in the same boat. The record home forclosures, high unemployment and lack of affordable health care we face affects us all. It doesn't discriminate.
Great article and great replies.
I want to thank Debra W. for steering me toward this inspiring and heartfelt article. Having grown up on Air Force bases, discrimination was a non-issue for military dependents. However, I often spent summers with an Uncle in Florida and never could understand the concept of a "Whites Only" water fountain! I suppose of some people had their way today there would be "Straights Only" water fountains.
I also am very impressed with Spencer's comment! It reminds me of what Morgan Freeman said about "Black History" month..."I am an American. American History is my history".
Being of Welsh descent I suppose I could refer to myself as a Welsh-American, but I don't. I was born here so I am an American. I suppose I could refer to myself as a "Straight American", but my sexual preferences are nobody's businsss! I DO use the term "African-American" when writing though, out of respect for my fellow citizens who might be of African descent.
Simply noticing that someone's outward appearance is different is no big deal. The problem exists when that person's uniqueness makes them someone worthy of being hated. it should not be important. I'm American. My husband is American, and so are my children. I even have American dogs and one cat. I think it would serve our country well to stop hating everything that is "different". The fact that my skin is as white as all-purpose flour, and my husband's is the complete opposite should have no effect on how others perceive us. But, it does. We have encountered a great deal of hatred and prejudice since we got married. It is an ugly fact.
Our children still deal with it. My youngest son is nuts over a girl he gores to school with. Because he is black, her mother will not allow her to have anything to do with him. I think that is simply horrible. It makes me angry and sad at the same time. This kind of thing has happened before. You would think in 2009 that there would not be so much discrimination, but there is. To judge another solely on the color of his/her skin is simply ignorant. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
I agree. We should embrace the idea of doing unto others as we would have done to us. I think this world would become a better place.
I always find it interesting that a person is considered black when they are 'bi-racial' and one parent is black. Smacks of slavery times' "one drop rule". Besides, it's not always obvious when a person is of "mixed" race. I like the fact that it is becoming harder and harder to tell what "co;or" or "race" someone is.
My youngest daughter is bi-racial. I do not consider her to be "black". I do know that some people think this way, but I am not one of them.
I have always thought that those forms that ask you your race and gender, should just have a fill in the blank section. Anytime I have to fill out one concerning my daughter, it rarely has any appropriate choices. The actual truth of her race is that she is part "black", "white", Native American, Irish, and Welsh.
As a hispanic growing up in a predominantly white community during that time, the general feeling was the same for us as it was for blacks, so I've had my fair share of it. I think it's kinda funny in hindsight since hispanics are caucasian, and are considered white! It's a shame that people STILL have to be reminded to live by the golden rule in this day and age. To me, people are people, without regard to age, color or nationality.....
Thanks for sharing your story.....C:
Joe,
Thank you for sharing your account with us.
Many people think this way :
Since I am White then I am safe from the Violence of Racism, I am safe from Intimidation or Harassment. Or I am safe from Trouble.
Since I am not Gay or Lesbian then I am safe and free from Trouble with Bullies.
Nothing can be further from the Truth. Many White People have died or been injured because of not agreeing with the KKK, Nazi Skinheads or others.
Others have been wrongly shot or attacked at night, being confused as Blacks or Latinos. Or being confused with Gays or Lesbians.
I published this here in Gather.com about the Pastor Steven Anderson and how he has become active against mistreatment and injustice. This is not strictly RACIAL but it is a good example of Violence getting out of control and a Nice Guy being injured.
Many Organized Protests in Phoenix Arizona ( Recently )
Upheaval of White People in Phoenix Arizona against Border Patrol - Pastor Steven Anderson beaten and Tasered
Vicente Duque
This morning, I had an interesting discussion with an angry young man from Puerto Rico. He complained that people treat him like a foreigner. I reminded him that Puerto Ricans are as American as Irish-Americans. Well, that opened up a ten minute rant about how few people seem to understand that. So, when we talk about discrimination and prejudice, it's important to know that there are many people who feel discriminated against or belittled by prejudice.
And, Vicente is absolutely correct. During the civil rights days of the 1950s and 1960s there were many white people who agreed with civil rights for blacks who were killed or assaulted. Today, we have laws in place which keeps some of the violence down. Of course, it is always difficult to know what is truly in the heart and mind of another person. It takes communication and healthy discussion. I think that when it comes to race, we should be communicating and having discussions with each other. Thank you, everyone, for your great comments and interest in the subject.
Joe this is an excellent write. Racism not as prevelant as it once was, still plagues this country and our society. But we are growing and soon individuals such as those that associated with groups such as the KKK will soon be extinct as the DOE Doe.
At an early age I was taught how to answer the phone and take messages. Where I grew up the major difference was between German Lutherans, Norwegian Lutherans, and Swedish Lutherans (each had a church of its own). Nothing like the institutionalized racism against black people, whom I only saw on tv or in all-too-rare shopping trips to Minneapolis (the Big City of my youth).
Great article. I'm going to really enjoy reading all of your posts. I see you've been through quite a bit in your life and you're always sensitive to others. I love that quality in people. I have a child that is like that. She radiates acceptance. What a gift!!