How To Find Yourself

This dilemma that plagues all of us at one time or another… is there anything that can be done about it? Most of us go through our lives not knowing, not caring, and soon enough, you forget about it. So dilemma solved, right? One might think so, as I did. That’s not the solution though. What happens, is that after a while, the dilemma simply goes dormant.

It lies deep inside you, undercover. It feeds at your understanding of reality and yourself. It plays tricks with your mind and perception, and you don’t even know it’s happening. You think you know things, in fact, you’re sure you do. You think you know who you are, what your identity is. You don’t even have a bit of doubt, perhaps.

But then there’s this thing. You can’t really explain it. You can give it clichéd names like a hole or void, but it’s more substantial than those words would suggest, and yet incredibly passive. It too tints your vision. You look at things and wonder if things are off, if they were meant to be this way. You don't believe in destiny, but you believe in yourself. You know what you’re capable of; maybe not quantitatively, but by some measure. You look back in time, and try to imagine forward, looking for answers to questions you haven’t posed yet.

I was once such a nomad in consciousness, possessing direction but no aim. You need to do what others think they’re doing – go away. You have to leave your world of comfort, and go and isolate yourself in a completely different civilization.

There’s a type of place to go to, and there’s a way to be there, and unless both are done correctly, not only will you not find your elusive self, you will have driven further into illusion. Most will run to a foreign-yet-familiar land, where the same language is spoken, and similarly-rooted culture is found. Others will go to their ancestral homeland, thinking they can discover the roots that never actually grew there. Those are simply avenues away from the truth.

You have to go to a place where no one looks like you, speaks your language, understands your ideas or has any link or connection to your world. When you get there, you have to live there, not vacation there. You cannot go for a preordained time. You must let the truth determine your life's order.

You must not be there like a westerner in a third world playground, no. You have to form a new life for yourself in this new land. You have to penetrate the people, and become a part of their lifestyle. You must discover joy in what the locals value. Learn to communicate in their language. They will reject you, but you will accept them.

Live there not to influence, but be influenced. And then it will start to come to you. Questions will gain definition. Answers will make themselves known. You will start to see those in your life for who they really are. Then, when you come home, you will meet yourself for the first time.