Graduations Gone Wild - My High School Commencement Ceremony

Graduations Gone Wild

I arrived at the gym on time.  We all queued up and put on our caps and gowns. I was lucky because that year, the vendor was out of the usual horrific burgandy gowns and the school ordered stately black ones instead. Hooray.

We all marched down to the seating area on the football field. It was warm (being Phoenix and all) but a nice breeze was blowing so it wasn't too uncomfortable.

The ceremony included a couple of numbers by our school's jazz band.  They managed not to embarrass themselves, which was more than hoped for.

So the parents are seated. The school vice-principal has given a speech. The principal has given a speech. The valedictorian has given her speech and it wasn't too long or too stupid.

The diplomas are brought onto the stage in their alphabetized boxes. The principal had risen from her chair to step upon the stage and begin handing them out, when I thought I heard the sound of small engines.

{Now, let me explain that our football field bordered on a cotton field to the east and a large suburban park to the north. There was no fence between the boundary of the school land and these wild areas. (In fact, both areas were often utilized for a little lunch-time pot smoking and were, understandably, a thorn in the side of our ever-annoyed security chief. Another thing the cotton field was used for was motorbiking.}

Now it was getting somewhat windy at this point and I was sure...SURE...I heard motorbikes. I turned to Angel, who was sitting next to me.

"Does that sound like a motorcycle?" I asked him.

He cocked his head. "Yeah, kinda."

"Well, it's pretty rude to ride bikes during OUR graduation! Jerks!" I said.

On stage Mrs. Peeler, had just taken the first diploma in hand...She opened her mouth and began..."Johnathan Abrams..." Johnny stood up.

The sound of distant engines suddenly became a roar.

"Look at that!" Angel shouted.

An ATV materialized from the darkness beyond the football field lights. The shirtless, teenaged operator whipped onto the oval trackway circumferencing the football field. Behind him came another ATV. Then another. All three ATVs gassed it and flew onto the track.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw our security chief running toward the first ATV. But he had no hope of catching the boy.

By now everyone was on their feet...graduates, school officials, parents, guests.

The ATVs were kicking up a tremendous amount of dust and the noise was incredible. Especially when Mrs. Peeler started yelling for everyone to sit down.

Somebody behind me screeched, "OH MY GOD! They're naked!"

The boys were indeed naked. And if anyone was unsure of their dishabille, they took a second lap around the track standing on their footboards.

Security guards and teachers were flying out of the bleachers and the snackbar building in an attempt to converge on the ATV riders.

One of the heftier security guards decided to take a short cut across the stage and pounded up the portable stage steps. The aluminum structure was not up to the challenge. The stage swayed. Something underneath the stage gave way to his elephantine stride and it folded in the middle, spilling the vice principal, a couple of teachers, and all of the diplomas onto the damp grass.  The stage backdrop, done in team colors and matching crepe paper, listed backwards and settled softly onto the ground. Other teachers and some parents rushed the field to help the fallen staff members.

The graduation ceremony was complete chaos at this point. Mrs. Peeler was nowhere to be seen. (Presumably she had gone to summon more effective law enforcement authorities.) The vice principal was on his back: He hurt something important when the stage capsized. The jazz band was wandering about in two and threes trying to protect their instruments from being stepped on by zealous security or angry parents.

We graduates milled around not knowing what to do. 

And the ATV pranksters?

They absconded into the darkness unscathed, unrepentant and the way they came...Naked and noisy.