This morning, a good friend of mine called unusually early. He wanted to continue our conversation from the prior evening about relationships. I had asked him what I thought was a simple question and accidentally triggered an existential crisis. "What do you mean," I inquired, "when you say you want to be 'boyfriends?"
"I...I have no idea," he replied.
"Well maybe you should start there," I suggested, and then begged-off to focus on my rapidly cooling chicken noodle dish.
He then evidently called a much more helpful friend who was willing to chat with him over upper-middle-class cocktails until they had found an answer. And the following morning, I think he was excited to have an answer so quickly, but he may have actually liked the answer itself. Either way, he called me today hours earlier than he is normally willing to touch the telephone and shared his thoughts.
"It's when you spend all of your time with someone, day and night, months at a time. And then you are apart. And as soon as you are apart, you wish you were together again."
It seemed like a good answer, good enough for the current purpose at least. And I liked that it not only described the state of being, but also provided a qualifying test at the same time. "Are you two together?" "No, I don't miss him when we're apart."
"Good answer," I said.
And I thought the conversation was over there. Which is why I was surprised to realize over lunch that, by Frank's standard, I must have a pretty big crush on New York. I mean, New York and I have never dated per se, but we have spent weekends together. And I visit whenever I can. But the real sign came when I followed a Guy Kawasaki tweet to this great aerial tour of New York. The tour reminded me of all the things I love about the place, from the Williamsburg galleries to the outdoor tables in SoHo. And, despite the fact that we were together just last weekend, I found myself really missing the city. And I couldn't wait to be back together, again.
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Comments: 31
The aerial tour may have reminded you of all the good times, but they don't take pictures of the way nobody looks you in the eye, the mugger on the subway, or the cold steel of the buildings and the chill from the shadow they cast.
Not to burst Frank's bubble, but he failed to account for the fact that the idea of some relationships while apart is often way better than the reality of being together.
(Wow, this sounds irrationally bitter... and I'm very happily married!)
I have forgotten all of the rainy days when you couldn't trade your first born for a cab ride across town. Or the 110 degree day when the subways flooded and I had to walk 30 blocks (and then buy a fresh shirt because I had walked 30 blocks in 110 degree heat) to get to a meeting. Or the 2 am train out of Penn Station when I was starting my first company and couldn't find a reasonably priced hotel. Or of the crowds in Times Square. Or of the lack of a cross-town subway...
Man! Now that you mention it, I can't even remember why we dated in the first place! (he says, as the aerial tour lulls him back again...)
10 4 u
I would think that Boston has much the same appeal as NY would, but I've never been there.
Once when I was attending a conference at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in NYC, I stayed at the hotel across the street from it. The hotel staff promptly moved me to a different room when I discovered a mouse in the room.
Providence was my first true love, and always will be. PVD is that boyfriend you let go and always regret. I'm starting to think it might be time to go home to my love. We'll see what the next few months bring.
Sadly, Washington Square Park was closed for renovation. I love Saturdays and Sundays there for the great free entertainment.
Open Education and Virtual Worlds
New York is just a city I flirt with, once a year at most, ideally during the spring or early summer. Boston is a city I have lived all over, left and returned to. I've had my best days and my worst days here. The power this region of the country... of the world... has over me only grows stronger. For me and my wife, home is a really strong force and I don't know what would pull us away.
It is fun to compare relationships with people to relationships with places. I suppose they all tie in together, as some of the biggest choices we have control over in our lives. Fun thread going on here too.