by Atticus *.
Member since:
September 16, 2006

I Can Take A Bleating: Loura's Lament (tritina)

May 12, 2009 09:26 PM EDT
views: 86 | rating: 10/10 (8 votes) | comments: 21

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beaten heart,
your heart is bleating,
afflicted, forlorn lover of a lamb.

Disconsolate crestfallen lamb,
this brutal beating, from your bloody heart,
bedevils my ears, burgeoning bleating.

It cannot button up this incessant bleating,
lupine lover, laced up lamb;
ardor never pleases your ravenous heart,

a beating heart bleating; a werewolf lamb baiting.




 

 

 

 

 

 


 

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Comments: 21

JOHN BECK May 12, 2009, 9:31pm EDT
Skillful use of the format along with alliteration and tight know of images and meaning. Bravo, Atticus.
Umar, Abu Nurain May 12, 2009, 9:40pm EDT
This is proof that forms can be very revealing and sound depths. I enjoyed this. The title drew me in like a lamb bleating near the wolf's lair. Great job Atticus.
Lori F. May 12, 2009, 9:43pm EDT
Wow this was good Atticus.

Beating heart is bleating. The first line I thought you had a typo then I got to the end and "got it"
Jennifer Lee May 12, 2009, 10:35pm EDT
Atticus~ This resonates with me and is astoundingly beautiful. The melancholy tone works so well and the metaphor is unique. I'm not familiar with the form, but I love your poem nonetheless.
Jennifer Lee May 12, 2009, 10:37pm EDT
The images I get when reading this poem are wonderful also. Thank you for posting to our group. You are now featured.
Kathryn E. May 12, 2009, 10:38pm EDT
I really, really love this, Atticus.
Atticus *. May 12, 2009, 10:44pm EDT
Thank you so much John Beck, Umar, and Lori. This is my first try at a tritina. I didn't know how to approach the form so I just picked three words, the first that came to my mind and started beating on them. Wonder of wonders, I found some old wound to exploit.

Jennifer, thank you so much for the feature, you are very kind. See Susan Budig's post on Tritina for an explanation of the form.
Atticus *. May 12, 2009, 10:45pm EDT
Thank you very much Kathryn.
Kushal Poddar May 12, 2009, 10:51pm EDT
Skillfully honed the images. Brilliant.


wild horses and shackles
Atticus *. May 12, 2009, 11:10pm EDT
Thank you poddar
Stirling D. May 12, 2009, 11:26pm EDT
I applaud you for trying this out, and you certainly had a good result. It must have been fun to exploit a good raw place.
Atticus *. May 12, 2009, 11:31pm EDT
Stirling, Indeed it was. - But there is no free lunch. ;-)
Cheryl W. May 12, 2009, 11:38pm EDT
Good use of the form, Atticus....:) Well done!
Beth G. May 12, 2009, 11:45pm EDT
wow this was very striking!
Svetlana Goryacheva May 13, 2009, 6:10am EDT
Most impressive use of this poetic form, dear Atticus - very, very well done! :-)

Blessings and best wishes - S.
That confirms it, Atticus, no more bloody lamb chops for me ... I'm switching to beef, permanently! LOL
You did the form very proud~this format is completely new to me~your poetic defined it beautifully~
dizzying~intricately so~images like a rainbow of colors~
Andrea Grenadier May 13, 2009, 12:14pm EDT
Dear Atticus, having never even HEARD of a tritina, but being able to figure it out, I say this is masterful! The repetition (as part of the form), is incessantly rhythmic, almost to the point of madness-inducing, and in such a short span of words! Amazing.
And I owe you a letter!
yrs.
a
Atticus *. May 14, 2009, 9:31am EDT
Thank you very much Cheryl, Beth, Svetlana, Magi, and Purrrrrrrrrrr your comments are most appreciated.

Andrea, Thank you for your lavish praise. No worries, I am always pleased to hear from you - whenever you have time to write.
Barbary Chaapel May 28, 2009, 4:05pm EDT
 

 

Simply great to read these words of yours after being absent.

Very clever, very, very much so, my dear Atticus.  To make us smile and think all on the same page!
Atticus *. May 28, 2009, 5:53pm EDT

Much thanks Barbary, I appreciate very much you stopping by to read. I hope you are feeling well. - Love the post on Iris. 

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