EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed
according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and
therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to
manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore
you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right
where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's
statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are
able to come to work .
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days
a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is
nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort
should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your
place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the
toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the
end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin boa rd
under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture
will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break: (Love this one)
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as
they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for
lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch,
because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all
questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and
input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management