My Mother's Day Photo Essay - In Remembrance of My Mother Karen and Grandmother Barbara

I am putting together this first photo essay with the tears still in my eyes and the losses still fresh in my heart, the loss of my mother almost 10 years ago is as fresh as the loss of losing my grandmother only days ago.  This mother's day is seems appropriate to honor them as I take on the mantle of matriarch of my family as the only daughter of my mother and the only granddaughter as well.  I still have my brother and my uncle but I didn't realize how heavy it is to be the only woman especially having only one daughter amongst all of our boys.  I also realized how little I have of them....some jewelry and dolls from my mother but very few pictures and letters and the like.  I am putting this together in sadness but I am also hoping to find the sarcasm and humor that my family would truly appreciate.  You can generally laugh or cry.....we choose laugh

My mom was young here...about 4 years old.  She was born 9-23-44 and died 1-1-00.  I told my brother, a computer guy, that just as we figured mom was not Y2K compliant.  My mom was a single parent struggling through a lot of tough things.  We spend many years after with it just being the two of us after my brother turned 18.  I talked to my mom regularly and she watched my children at least once a week.  She always feared that her grandkids wouldn't know her.  My older two got some time with her but it saddens me that the younger two did not.  My mother was overjoyed when I finally had a daughter but, sadly, my daughter was only a year old when mom passed away.  My son would not be born until October of 2000.  My hope is that spirit is with them.  It could explain why youngest Jayden is just a little crazy too!

You be the judge.  Jayden at age 6 with me in Tijuana in 2006.  No wonder he seems older than he is.  It's his inner grandma coming out. Mom and Jayden would have loved each other.  He would have smooth talked her into anything.

My grandma was quite the personality as well.  She was born in New Orleans as was most of our family.  Good Cajuns with family lines going way back into the Bayou.  I only learned a lot of that information lately.  Most families are able to trace back through the father's family because of the name issue...mine is the opposite.  I have had the best luck following the women's lines.  It helps that my great grandma lived until 1973 and my great great grandma lived until 1965 when my brother was 2.

My grandmother lived February 18, 1926 (The same year as Marilyn Monroe as she often reminded us!) until April 30, 2009.  She married several times and was widowed years ago.  She was saddened to lose her daughter often calling me just so she could hear my mother's voice on the other end of the line.  Another sarcastic one she allowed us to joke with her about a number of things.  Earlier this year I turned 37 and she found that to be amazing since she herself was only 39.  She said she would wish me well as I passed by. One day I will share the story of how she beat a poor, innocent raisin to death with her slipper.  Let's just say we were able to move up the cataract surgery they were planning for her.  And the other raisins rejoiced!

Living so far away we didn't get to see her often but she did meet my 4 kids and got to interact with my husband.  A good old Southern girl at heart, she readily accepted my husband and our kids and although she would forget who was who, she enjoyed their photos and accomplishments all the same.

I did not get to say goodbye to either of them but my last call with grandma ended with us exchanging Happy Birthdays and me explaining to her not to have any more sickness or hospital trips because that was just unacceptable (Especially for a 39 year old!).

The last image my mother had of me was at my wedding where we made a point of honoring our mothers as part of the ceremony.  I am so thankful that we did.  People often have regrets that their last interaction with a loved one was negative.  I was saved that.

The last image she had of me was as a bride.  Her baby girl getting married off.  We think she held on just to see it.  Of course, the timing of her death also left me and my brother with ammunition to torture my husband. How? The last words my husband said to my mom were, "Karen, I just love you to death."  Really, you can't make up stuff like that.  True to our heritage, my brother and I will remind my husband at every holiday or other appropriate time.  "You couldn't have just loved her a little less?  Huh?"

And now...I am mom.  The one that tries to keep holiday traditions and make memories with the kids and carry on.  I am the one that feels like I am not doing things as well as they did.  Not giving the kids  the right attention, the right guidance.  Not being a "real" mom.  I wonder now if they always felt like that too.  I wonder if they know how much I appreciated it all.  How much the little things meant. And how much I miss them now.

And just in the nick of time, my youngest comes in, shows me his reading medal for being the best reader in his class this year, and he tells me, "I couldn't have done it without you mom...you're like the Gold Medalist for reading, I'm just silver....."

and I leave it at that.  This Mother's day starts a different era for me.  I hope I'm ready and I hope I'm worthy.  And I hope we can laugh about it.