Fury will never end Fury

If you keep thinking "That man has abused me," holding it as a much-cherished grievance, your anger will never be allayed. If you can put down that fury-inducing thought, your anger will lessen. Fury will never end fury, it will just ricochet on and on. Only putting it down will end such an abysmal state.~~Sunnata Vagga

Wow, this is such a powerful quote, something to meditate on, not just read and then forget about.

So many of us have been abused verbally and otherwise at some point in our lives and we stay angry. I'm guilty. I am angry, angry that several people have done me wrong, even my own father who was a good provider and a hard worker, but he was not a good parent. He always had some sort of venom running off his tongue.

I told him once at a really young age probably around 11 that he had an inferiority complex, his response was a slap across the face. OUCH! but it was true. Imagine that kind of wisdom coming from a young child, is generally not well taken especially if it hits the core.

For me most recently at the end of October of last year, I had to take a lay-off which left me unemployed. What made it worse is that christmas was not all that far away. I have a young son who was five at the time. I had to relinquish my bus route due to a new 6th grader whose mom sees through rose colored glasses. I didn't do anything wrong but she is one of those people who live for drama and certainly caused plenty for me. The recourse the superintendent took was not in my favor (after all he has to kiss up to parents as they pay his salary) I wasn't angry at first, but I am angry now because this left me in a place where the rent is now a month overdue and I am at the mercy of the government. I don't like being here. I do not like not having the ability to pay my bills, fix my broken car and buy the things my son would like to have. I am angry and at times feel so depressed.

I live alone with my son, his dad isn't working either so there is not child support coming in and I am frustrated! I am sooooo frustrated.

I know I am God's Princess and I know he has something better for me. I am made in his image, I AM. I know this in my heart I believe this financial issue is temporary, I know it in my soul, but still sometimes I sit and cry. I know that what I speak into my life and into the lives of others will come to pass. I know I can speak life into the new business that I started. I refuse to stop 3 feet short of the Gold. I am not a quitter, I am a doer!

Some may laugh and say, why do you give 20.00 a month to a charity when you cannot even fill your prescriptions. I do it because there are people that are so much worse off than me. children that are hungry, need medicine, clean water, they need to know I love them! I do it because I know it is the right thing to do.

So what do I do with this anger, I have talked a bit about it, shared it..and then I found this quote today to put down the fury inducing thought. Funny or serendipitous was the timing of this quote, funny how the universe steps up and gives us gentle and sometimes not so gentle reminders, advice, closes doors to places we need not to be and opens up ones to where we should be going. Funny how sometimes we struggle against that which is in our best interest.

I am grateful for Diane, that lady just fires me up and gets me to thinking and to really exploring what is going on in my mind. I am grateful for JoAnn and her sense of humor and support. You can find us over at The Million Mind March.

I have intentionally weeded out negative people from around me. It is funny because now, I can tell from first meeting, is this a person I want to be around or not. It doesn't matter what they look like or how they are dressed or how much money they make, because even well-to-do people can carry around all kinds of negative energy.

Now I just have to lay down those thoughts, that anger..it is what it is..maybe do a ritualistic writing it down and burying, burning or ripping up and throwing over my shoulder each one. It seems so difficult when some of those things caused such trauma, but I know it has to be done. It has to be done so that I can move forward with a clear mind that his sending out strong positive waves..after all isn't that "The Secret"?